A/N: There's a bit of a surprise coming here. How many of you can work it out in advance? I'm also going to say that this is the soppiest thing I've ever written, it was painful (I'm not exactly the sort that likes all this romance stuff really) and I may never write it again. I think I have a toothache now.
Epilogue - Max – 685. Felix – 686
Weather – Awful.
Shoes – Missing.
Tie – Hiding.
Sleeve – Ripped.
Minister – Late.
Caterer – Flu. Hunched over a toilet on the other side of the church.
Groom – Who the hell knew? Last seen in a bar with best man and hadn't been seen since.
"I thought you were supposed to be lucky." Jen commented, adjusting her dress.
"Why would you think that?" bemused, Felix looked up from where he was searching for his tie amongst the scattered clothes.
"Your name means luck doesn't it." She glanced at him in the reflection in the mirror she was using to preen. "So you should have some measurement of luck."
"I think I missed that rule somewhere." He grabbed his phone when it beeped.
"Alan says his sous chef is here to take over the catering." He dumped his phone on the table again, dropping to his knees and digging through Jen's discarded tights and hair accessories. "How many hair clips do girls actually need?"
"I always keep a few spare to stab idiots in the eye if necessary." She retorted airily, more interested in smoothing her eyebrows down. "It saves on space in a handbag. Knives are so chunky."
"Has anyone ever told you that you're borderline psychopathic?"
"Collin tells me regularly."
"Good to see that you care for your own mental state." He pulled a pair of ripped stockings out of the pile of junk and sighed. Where the hell was his tie?
"I'm rich. The official diagnosis of my mental health is always going to be that I'm simply a little eccentric." She flashed him a grin. "This is all quite exciting."
"For you maybe. I don't have a tie, or shoes and my sleeve is ripped." Felix pulled a face, dumping all of their mess down on the bed. "That's it. Just not going to wear a tie."
"Did you even bring your shoes?"
"They were in the shoebox on your table last night. Did you pick the box up?"
"I think we've just figured out why you can't find them." With a laugh she looked down at his feet, thoughtful. "Your feet are pretty small."
"Somehow I doubt we're going to find a pair in your size from one of the guests."
"I'm not wearing someone else's shoes!"
"Well you're bloody well not going to go in those socks!"
"What's wrong with them?"
"You mean apart from the fact that one is blue and stripy and the other is brown with holes in it?"
Felix cringed, remembering how he'd grabbed the last two clean socks from the washing basket in his rush when she was trying to usher him out of the door. He'd shoved them on his feet that morning with the intention of hiding the battered socks in his shoes.
"Oh crap. Everything is going wrong!"
"Calm down. The important thing is that we're not going to be late."
"And that's matters how? The groom is still missing!"
"Do you want some scotch?" She pulled a small hip flask out of the garter belt under her dress and he stared at her in disbelief.
"I knew you were acting too calm!"
"Shut up, have some scotch and we'll figure something out." When Jen growled an order at you like that you obeyed but Felix still pulled a face at the horrible tasting liquid.
Why did Max like Scotch? It tasted like something you could remove nail varnish with.
Jen drained the last of the alcohol, slipped her own shoes off and sat, staring down at Felix's feet thoughtfully. He let her take control; as long as she didn't decide to force him into a pair of her heels then he wasn't fussy about what the solution was.
They found the groom asleep in one of the empty guest rooms and with Olive and Max's mother overseeing them the best man managed to get him ready. Olive barking orders and scaring people was probably the sole reason that the idiot even cooperated in the first place but eventually they were stood at the hand carved arch covered in flowers.
Max flashed Felix a grin as they stood side by side, eyes darting down to his feet where he could see his bare toes peeping out from under his trousers and the grin grew. Felix on the other hand flushed red.
"We will now hear the vows."
Max reached out to take Felix's shaking hand and the grin shifted into a loving smile, the smile that Felix was lucky enough to wake up to every day.
"Felix, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me." Max began and Felix bit his lip as he returned the smile. "I was going to promise never to wake you up before noon on a Sunday, or drink your coffee when you're not looking, and especially not to tidy around you when you're trying to watch your stupid Disney films but I'm not going to do that. I'm going to tell you that you have made my entire life worth every second and being able to have you in my arms every day is like living in my very own perfect dream. You're perfect."
Oh god he was going to cry!
"So I'm not going to vow to do all of those things; wake you early because it means I get to have you for longer, to spoil you rotten because I love the way you eventually give in and kiss me just to shut me up, to buy you the puppy because quite frankly I just want you to keep smiling. I am going to make sure you and I enjoy every single day together for the rest of our lives, and I will never, ever, let either of us go to bed angry."
He was crying.
Trust Max to be so incredibly soppy that he had suddenly had no recollection of what his own vows were supposed to be.
He sniffled, flinging himself at Max and hugging him tight.
Every laugh, every discussion and every battle of wills had led to that moment and when it finally arrived Felix was speechless.
"Felix? Your vows?"
Max placed him back on his feet as a ripple of amusement went through the crowd.
"I love you." He choked out when Max handed him a small packet of tissues. "I had all of my vows written out but all I can say now is that if you wake me up before noon tomorrow I'm going to hurt you."
He blew his nose as Max laughed at him and shuffled forward, standing on his toes so that he could kiss his cheek and whisper in his ear.
"You are perfect to me too and I'm never going to stop showing you how much I love you."
As he stepped back his eyes flickered to where the guests had leant forward to try to hear what he'd said. The ceremony continued and Felix handed Jen the packet of tissues when she started sniffling beside him after signing as his witness.
The guests filed out and Felix turned to Max as his new husband wrapped an arm around his middle, ducking his head down so that he could nibble on Felix's ear lobe.
"Where are your shoes Kitten?" Max whispered, ignoring the way that Jen was demanding a camera from Alan, who was trying to escape.
"On the kitchen table?"
"And your tie?" His fingers hovered over the button of his shirt and Felix found himself getting breathless at the feel of Max's body pressed against his back.
"In your car I think." He mumbled, tipping his head back and closing his eyes.
"And why is your sleeve ripped?"
"Save it for the honeymoon!" Alan burst out when fingers started to dip into the waistband of his little brother's trousers. "Seriously Max! Not in front of me!"
They laughed but separated, sharing a triumphant grin.
"Photos Felix!" Olive called from beside Jen and the photographer the second they stepped out of the Penning summer house and Felix tugged his husband and brother to the woman's side.
"Felix?" He glanced up at Max as the photographer began to arrange people. "Please tell me I imagined that you don't have any underwear on."
"I don't. You're going to have to try to cope with that knowledge until tonight though. No sneaking off." He tilted his face up so that he could grin up at him when he heard the other man groan.
Max – 685. Felix – 686.
Take that Max!
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