Chapter 1

The darkness of the room flickered to light as I gently shut the bathroom door and flicked on the light switch. I stumbled my way to the sink and placed both my hands on the edge of it, as if to steady myself, and studied my reflection in the mirror.

I look so fat. I thought, disgusted at myself. And I'm ugly. It was around midnight and for the past two weeks this had been my daily routine... tip toe to the bathroom, stand and criticise myself at the mirror and relieve the pain with more pain caused by self-harm.

Careful not to wake my younger brother, Lethaniel, in the next room, and my parents from across the hall I turned the bathroom tap to hot and placed my hands under the running water, letting the steam fill up the room, and the burning sensation from the water scold my small, delicate hands. Somehow, by doing this, it numbed the pain I would feel afterwards from-

I jerked my hands away from the running water as I immediately shut off the tap and switched the light out as I crept to hide behind the door. Someone was getting up. I craned my head in the direction of light footsteps and quickly realised they were Lethaniel's. From the gap in the edge of the door I observed the toilet light getting switched on and a moment later I heard a flush. He mumbled something softly to himself before sleep-walking his way back to bed. My forehead crumpled together as I tried to figure out what he was saying. He is one very weird child.

I straightened up from my crouch and my face turned into disgust. That little creep didn't even wash his hands! My hands trembled as I reached into my dressing gown and pulled out a small pocket knife I had snatched from my dad's work car. Without thinking about... well anything, I dug the sharp knife into the flesh of my wrist and groaned softly at the pain. I dug the knife slightly deeper and abruptly pulled back, swearing under my breath. I told myself that I would never dig any deeper than I usually did but the sensation I felt was overpowering... amazing even.

When I chose to end it, I washed the knife with hot water, along with my wrist which now had a deep, perfect cut right through it and wiped the basin down with a towel which had drops of my blood scattered around it. I turned the bathroom light off before gently closing the door again and sighed heavily. Even though it had all lasted under 5 minutes my adrenaline was still running high. I crept to my room and remembered I had an English essay due tomorrow. Shit.

Oh how I dreaded school. Not just school itself but particularly the people in it. Hopefully there will be a change soon... a good one as well.