I hate it when I'm weak
When I need to ask for help
When I'm so frustrated
That I can't do it.

I hate it when I cry
When the tears roll down my face
And my eyes get red
And my nose drips.

I hate it when I fight
With my dad
About the smallest things
And he shouts.

I hate it when he curses
Around my little sisters
And when he shouts
At them.

I hate it that I have to
Remind him
Of who he is
And who is around.

I hate when he doesn't listen
To me
Or my sisters
When we try to tell him things.

I hate it when my mom
Assumes she knows
About me.

I hate it when she tells me
Things I already know
And repeats it
Over and over and over.

I hate it when I criticize myself
In front of people
And hear them tell me
"It's not true."

I hate it when people lie
To my face
But mostly
Behind my back.

I hate it when I get angry
Because I feel dirty
And my breath freezes in my chest
And I can't breathe.

I hate it when I'm sad
And I'm sobbing
And can't speak
Through the tears.

I hate it when I'm depressed
And even my best music
Can't get me out of
My pitch black hole.

I hate it when I have to pretend
To be happy
When really
I'm screaming inside.

I hate it that no one notices.

And I hate it even more
When I have to cut my insecurities
And emotions
Into my skin.

Just so I know I could still feel.