I wake up most mornings only to find
that my life has been a lie, my heart has been denied
my soul has been fried
Another tragic story, in a world,
that's already heard too God damn many
I sit and I cry, alone in the night
where no one can see the tears fall from my eyes
where no one can hear the sobs that burst forth
Until it all overwhelms and I drop to the ground
I open my mouth to scream, but no sound'll come out
I feel like I'm falling but I'm still on solid ground
I look to the sky but there's no answers there
just more questions; just more hurt
I'm scared and afraid of each and every day
everything new and everything the same
the fear circles and it preys on everything I hold to my name
you say what you have to say, then I turn and I walk away
because you haven't been where I've been
you haven't seen the worst of my demons
you never will; that's the beauty of the world
but I say beauty when I mean curse
because I can never seem to find the right words
to explain to you the varying multitude
of shit bearing down; my life burning all around
It seethes and it squirms, on it's hook, like so many worms
bred for the slaughter, food for the winners
winners turned to dinner and the saga continues forever
Lives turned to smoke and ashes, ashes turned to dust
Every day is a battle just for me to see the dusk
I try to hold onto that moment that comes right after you open
your eyes and your mind hasn't quite remembered what you've been through before
I live for that moment when the weights off my shoulders
no matter how brief, I hold and I treasure that flitting reprieve
before the familiar weight returns and I'm back on my feet
I don't know how to stay down, I can't curl up into a ball and just drown
in this sea of relentless disease of stuff that's been bothering me
cause the moment I do is the moment I lose
I was bred to be a soldier as much as I whine
I'm the holder of war stories and more, all waged in my mind
it's made me bitter, a bit cynical and jaded
and my innocence has long since faded
so let these rappers go on and on about their street warfare
How everything in life is against them, has been unfair
Let them tell about their guns and the blood that was spilled
Let them go on about the drugs and the pills
Until they're blue in the faces from spitting the same phrases
over and over and over, like some sort of metaphor
for how fucked up the world is
They can preach and I can listen, their problems make mine diminish
at least until their mouths are closed, until their songs are finished
But the beat marches on, the music never stops
The story never ends, it just goes until it blends
everything into everything, something into nothing
I sit and I cry alone in the night
where no one can see; where no one can hear
and no one knows the truth of me, no matter what they think
not fully, because my load is mine to bear
No matter what, a constant reminder
of where I've been and where I'm going
serving to be the pain in my side, the spurs that goad me
pushes me into the greatness I deserve
Because it's either that, or give up; die and rot in the earth
and I'm nowhere near being done yet here.