it's all b r e a k i n g apart

can't eat
can't breathe
can't feel

all the pounds i struggled to gain
are going to slip away
& then what will i do?

i wish the wind would just blow me away.
maybe if i don't eat, maybe if i choke, maybe if i let myself slip—
just a little farther now—
maybe then,
i'll get my wish.

give me a reason to keep believing,
give me a reason to stay strong,
because, now, it's like all my reasons are gone.

i ripped myself a p a r t for them, i tore my skin
in an attempt to make them understand. but
they never saw me for the person i was, they only saw
scar tissue & razor burn.
& now that i put myself backtogether it
just doesn't feel
the same. i can't be what they want me to be.
i can't even be me. (because)

i don't know who i am (anymore).

am i fat? am i toned? am i
skin & bones?
am i smart? am i slow? do i
have the brains to pass this test?
should i run? should i walk? or should i
skip—skip class, skip lunch?
am i worth this stress?

do i have what it takes?
or will this just be another failure
to add to my plate?

-

a/n: please, someone, anyone, tell me where to go from here.
because i sure as hell don't know.