Am I really that blind? I thought I had found my utopia in a group of people that I love dearly. It still seems to be, but in a way it doesn't. I misread everything. I knew that nobody was perfect. I know damn well I'm not perfect either. But I've been missing something for only God knows how long. Nobody's life is perfect. I love them because their perfect through imperfection. We've laughed together, ranted together and acted like complete fools together for the past year now. Was there ever a time where we cried together? No.
So why I can I still not see the hurt in their eyes when I know they are saddened? Why do I feel so useless? Just because they act as if they are completely care free within my presence doesn't mean that their mind is not a hodge-podge of fear and hurt. Now I find myself feeling hurt because I was blind to their troubles which I still know very little about. I can understand they wish to deceive me into thinking that everything's alright so I do not worry but now I know and I should nonetheless. My friends face troubles just as bad if not worse than my own and they have not once disclosed to me that they were facing such pain. Have I not given them the impression that I am there for them if they need a shoulder. Is this guilt a punishment for my own ignorance? Have I failed to seem like the person who won't ever give up until they find comfort in some sort of resolution? Or is it possibly my lack of time having been with them. Only for a year I have been with these people who I have grown to love.
Whatever the reason I have clearly not completely fulfilled my role as their friend. So let it be my junior year resolution that I may be a source of not only joy, but comfort when necessary; a friend not only to laugh with, but cry if it is essential; not just someone to share the best of times, but also the worst of times. I will not settle for anything less.