A/N: My last two parodias turned out to sooo fricken crap XD So this is my last time at attentive murder of what's left of my writing career which sounds kind of awesome once you say it out loud. When I mean by parodias I mean Parody, it's just my fricken awesome way of saying it XD (Actually I think the word originates from a Spanish word or something… I have no idea..) Anyway, another Barbie parody and this one is seriously old… I remember watching it when I was a child XDDD EPIC FAILURE~ Also the CGI Graphics are da bomb :D Especially when it is on a VCR TAPE!!! ZOMG SO FRICKEN COOL!!!!
Kishijoten as 'Rapunzel'
"Rapunzel, Rapunzel~ Let down your hair!" A croaky old lady's voice called from below the all too tall tower.
"NOT BY THE HAIRS OF MY CHINNY CHIN CHIN!!!" I called from the window sill.
It was a very smart remark indeed and yes I am kind of full of myself by doing that. But the old hag won't get me since she doesn't have a nice stair-well to get to me… but I have forgotten the fact that she does use magic…
"OHOHOHO~" She says as she magically appeared right in front of me, "BITCH, DON'T ACT LIKE I SMART-ASS."
"Myuuuuh, why the hell do you keep me anyway? I mean… you took me from my family for no fricken reason and then you decided to put me in a tall tower… so, what the fuck is your plan about?!" I say as I checked my newly manicured nails, "So what's your plan, biach?"
"Ohohohohoh~ If I told you then it wouldn't be an evil plan…" She says as she flicks the two strands of hair that she had, "But I'll tell you anyway… I have planned to use you…"
"No shit." I say, shocked as I was at the time.
"To use you as a sex slave… you see it gets kinda lonely around here… and there's only these weird forest animals that can keep me company but due to me having a terminal mental health issue I decided to destroy them and become an evil bitch. Sure enough I guess it started when I was a child… I was very lonely there too…" She says as she bangs on about her whole life.
"Uh-huh, uh-huh… yeah sure… um, I'll go make some drugged up tea…" I say as I walked towards the elevator that lead straight towards the downstairs kitchen.
As I walked I could still hear her talking to herself and cackling like an evil bitch she is. But she did raise me up… I did grow up pretty nicely. Learnt how to deal drugs, fight crime whilst wearing the skimpiest clothes and even become a PIMP. I guess I owe it all to that old hag… but now I feel like an adventure involving the Apocalypse or something… but I guess not today.
"Yo~ Rapunzel." A 67 year old guy dressed in a full bunny suit says as he waves to me.
"Hey Rodger the Pedophilic Bunneh. So what's up?" I ask as I place a thin lace of cocaine in the boiling pot.
Actually I can't believe that I have this guy as my 'sidekick fwends'… well the other one is somewhere locked up in the dungeon… and who knows what the old hag does to him. Just as I was about to take the pot off the blazing fire I just figured out a perfect plan to have a seriously fricken awesome adventure.
"Hey… Rodger…" I say as I carefully handled the pot.
"Yes my soon-to-be-next-victim…. What do you want?" He says as he looms over me with drool coming out from the corner of his mouth.
"Do you like steaming hot cocaine?" I ask as I threw the pot right at him, "Aw too late~"
He started to scream as he rolled around the floor. Man, this is kinda getting boring… all he is doing is… oh wait he's dead… WHOHOO, THAT'S SOME AWESOME SHIT!! WHAT AN ADVENTURE!!! Now to go and find a mysterious passage that I had no idea was right there in front of me. And so, away with me as I quickly pulled a lever and a magically staircase going even more underground appeared.
I ran down the stairs ignoring that my seriously long pink hair could actually kill me if I step on it and fall to my dramatic death. Just then something that looked like a dungeon appeared before me and in the darkness of one cell I saw a guy dressed up in a purple dragon suit… man, can this shit get any more awesome than this?!
"Hey, dragon guy… do you know an exit? 'Cause there's this crazy lady who plans to use my body for her pleasure and I just killed a guy…" I say with a uninterested voice.
"KILL, KILL, KILL. ALL WE DO ISH KILL. WE KILL TO BECOME A WHOLE… AND I EAT THE BODIES OF ALIVE HUMANS…" He says as the moonlight hits his face.
Even though he was talking like a maniac he looked more of a fricken model… no, a BISHOUNEN. I've read so much about these bishounens… especially the uke's and the seme's…
"So… I herd you liek eating human bodies…" I say as I step closer.
Just then my foot seemed to step on a trigger to a trap. Oh shit, I'm in major trouble now.
"Uwah~ Help me, Mr. Mysterious-dragon-man~" I say as the floor beneath me fell open revealing spikes but surprisingly I didn't fall… meh, it's a dumbass cartoon thingy, it's not meant to make sense.
But I should go on with my non-wacky adventure filled with curiosity and seriously funny shit that may come along with it…
"Now, I'll set you free on one condition… don't eat me." I say as I open the dungeon door.
"SURE THING, FUFUFUFUFUF" He says with a psychotic smile.
"Hm, once I think about it… you remind me of Spyro… except for the cuteness…" I say as I grab his hand and headed towards a dark tunnel that may lead me towards a fricken awesome adventure. I MEAN IT ISH SOOOOO FRICKEN AWESOME!!!!! EVERYTHING ISH AWESOME WHEN YOU'RE HIGH~ HELL YEAH!
Just as we at the end of the tunnel a magical kingdom appeared before us… a magical kingdom full of joy and sweets… and joyness. As we walked through the garden a couple of chubby midgets came onto the scene by horse…
"Um, I think you mean children… they're obviously children." The dragon guy says to me.
"Yes, definitely chubby midgets…" I say to myself as we watched on.
"ZOMG!!! I THINK I'M FALLING INTO AN A SHALLOW HOLE IN THE GROUND!!!" One of the bimbo midgets cries as she falls into the very shallow hole.
"Oh noes!! Whatever shall we do?" The red headed midget cries.
"Zup-da-dip-dwuat-dwuat." The orange headed one cries as she watches on with a terrified look on her face.
"You know, we should help them… They might be nice to eat…" The bishounen Spyro dragon guy says.
"Nah, they don't have enough met on them… I mean, they're midgets for Lucifer's sake!!" I say as I walk away.
Just then a tiny arm grabbed onto me making me shriek and kick the evil thing out of my way. I looked up to notice it was one of the midget girls and she was now bleeding from her abdomen.
"Why?" She croaks...meh, she knew it was coming.
"Everything I touch… dies…" I say with a low tone as I looked down at my hands. Then smiled and said with a cheerful voice, "So… who's next?"
"HELP!! THIS VERY SHALLOW HOLE IS LIKE SUFFOCATING ME FOR SOME UNKNOWN ILLOGICAL REASON." The blonde bimbo midget cries from her very shallow hole.
"Ah, geeze… if I help you out would you please leave us alone so we can go on with our extremely magical and epic adventure that is supposed to be G rated but is now an M rated…" I say as I roll up my sleeves.
"SURE THING…" The blonde bimbo says as her head popped out from the shallow hole… which now the rescue seems meaningless already.
"Ok now… just grab my hands…" I say as I held out my hand effortlessly in front of her face.
"YOUR HAIR?" She asks.
"No, grab my hand." I say as I waved it in front of her.
"OH! YOUR HAIR… GOT IT…" She says as she tugs my hair and for a small little midget like her, it kinda felt like she was trying to rip out all of my hair… wait, SHE IS TRYING TO RIP OUT ALL MY HAIR.
"BITCH! LET GO OF MY HAIR!!" I scream as I tried to slap her hand away from me.
"NO, YOU LET GO…" She says with a giggle as she pulls it down even more.
"Ok, you leave me no choice…" I say as I get out a machete from out of nowhere, "Prepare to be sliced and diced, biach!!"
Just then an annoying voice arrived by horseback and it sounded like a very pathetic guy…
"Don't worry my fair lady, I shall rescue you!" He says as he jumps from his horse.
"Ah thank good—" I stopped myself in mid-sentence when I noticed he wasn't helping at all… more of… groping me.
"Don't worry princess! With my groping powers you shall be saved from falling into this very, very, very shallow grave…" He says as he gropes some more.
"You… FUCKING BASTARD!!" I say as sliced his throat along with killing the blonde midget.
I got up from the bloody pool of bloodiness I looked around for my helpful assistant to find him already eating the dead midget's corpses. Just then I noticed that I missed out on killing the other midget… the one who can speak perfect English.
"Dup-dwuat-dwuat?!" She says as she sees me eyeing her.
"You're not getting away that easily…" I say as I balanced the tip of the machete on my finger just before throwing it right at her back and luckily she died instantly.
"Man, this is some adventure…" Spyro the guy dragon says as he chews on the freshly killed midget's leg.
"That's enough Spyro… we better get going before the old hag bores herself to death… I don't want you to be full eating her as well…" I say as we walked back through the tunnel.
Just as we were at the point where we had to say our goodbyes I turned and said, "Same thing tomorrow?"
"Sure…" He says as he nibbles on the skull that once belonged to the blond-bimbo-midget-thingy.
Sadly I was told off by the old hag for leaving her while she was doing her speech about nothing and now I can't have my play date with my new found fwend. My punishment wasn't all that bad… just had read some materials the old hag gave me. She said it would do me good but I'm not sure how erotic books could do any good to me…
"Man, this sucks… I wanted to kill so badly…" I say as I looked around for something to kill.
But since this is a weird place that anything can happen I turned to the option of wishing myself a way to get to my little cannibal Spyro.
"Ok… I wish, I wish… for something magical that takes me to where Spyro is…" I say as I closed my eyes.
I opened my eyes to find a paintbrush right in front of me. "Bullshit! I can't use that to take me where Spyro is… and I can't paint for crap!"
I sighed as I grabbed the damn paintbrush and started destroying the walls with my marvelous paintings of stick figures and out of proportioned try-hard manga characters. Just when I was about to look back at my artwork the old hag came waltzing in with a wig on, trying to hide that she's already bald.
"Hello my little slave, I hope you learnt some erotic moves and… ZOMG! WHAT DA HELL DID YOU DO TO MAI PRECIOUS WALL?!" She says as she pulls out the hairs of her wig, "I raised you to do this? I mean… I'm like a mother to you… a mother you never had… a mother that could also have pleasurable benefits…"
"Oh gosh, don't make me puke on your favorite carpet as well…" I say as I folded my arms across my chest.
"For that, I'll use my evil magical powers to destroy the things you love…" She looks around and finds my secret stash of yaoi manga, "I'll have to destroy your little cartoons!!!"
"No!! Not that shit!" I say as try to paint myself a bazooka gun. I painted on the wall what I thought was a bazooka gun and pulled it out of the wall, "Say hello to my little fwend!!"
I fired away as I tried to multitask and paint myself a door that leads to Spyro. Just as the smoke cleared I saw in the light smog the old hag still standing…
"It takes more than that to kill me… and luckily this wig of mine is bullet proof as well. So it's useless!!" She says as she cackles.
"Yeah whatever, biach…" I say as I opened the door and went through it to see Spyro but instead…
"Princess!" The guy from before calls as I notice that I'm back in the magical kingdom, "It is I, Ken! You know the Ken doll that has incest with his sister 'Barbie'? Yeah, it's me! I'm here to save you with my groping powers!!"
"Shut the fuck up!" I say as I grab my machete, "Aren't you supposed to be dead? I thought I killed you with my machete… maybe it's because Spyro didn't eat you…"
"… I don't forgive you for killing me, princess… and I never can die…" He says with a chuckle, "I think you look better without the long hair, princess."
And so, with that he grabs my machete and in one quick swift slice he cut my long beautiful pink hair into a short out of style hair cut.
"You fricken noob!! You are so gonna be PWNED!!" I say as I steal back my machete, "Let's dance, pretty boy!"
I twirled my paintbrush like a baton and quickly painted myself a proactive outfit that helps me out on my combat skills.
"TRANSFORM!! NURSE FROM HELL!" I say as I painted myself a nurse's outfit as well as an already bloodied cleaver, "Now prepare to die!"
"Ahahah~ you'll never kill me… not even you—" I quickly sliced his throat and chopped him up into bits and quickly whistled for Spyro to come and eat his lunch.
"You rang?" He says as he instantly stood beside me.
"Supper time…" I say with a smile.
And so I watched on as he ate the Ken doll all in one bite. Just then it came to me. Even though I don't have a real family I guess he can be my only family member now… just as soon as I get rid of that old hag…
"Spyro… are you full?" I say.
"Mmf, nope…" He says with a whole mouthful of Ken doll.
"Try not to talk with your mouth still full of Ken…" I say as I wipe his mouth with Ken's spandex pants.
"You can't kill me…" The old hag says.
"Why?" I ask as I hold back Spyro.
"Because… I am your father…" She says.
"HWAT?!" Spyro and I yelled.
"Uh…. Yesh, it ish true!!!! I am your father!!!" She says.
"Meh… I don't care." I say as I turn to Spyro, "Sick 'em Spyro…"
"With pleasure…" He says as he lunges at the old hag.
AND SO THE DAY WAS SAVED THANKS TO THE POWERPUFF— Actually the ending went like this… Kishijoten AKA Rapunzel and Spyro lived happily ever after, killing, eating and destroy weird fairy tales that are remade by Barbie. In the end both Rapunzel and Spyro found a place where they truly belonged and yet sadly this story didn't follow the same plot as 'Barbie as Rapunzel' but who's complaining?
A/N: Nyahahahah~ Man that was created out of boredom, also this one turned out really long… and also I was strangely watching 'Barbie as Rapunzel' on my own will... :/ hmmm that's weird…anyway:
FIGHTING CRIME TRYING TO SAVE DA WORLD! WHEN THEY COME JUST IN TIME~ THE CANNIBAL SPYRO AND KISHIJOTEN~