The Mind of a Writer
By: Carly Tenibad
Writer, write, write, damn it I have nothing to write. As my pen nothing comes out right. There's so much I could write. Lily's sister, ex and Mum all know she's pregnant and I'm sure she'd like to get to a different set of scenes, but I can't write it right. Jenny and Alexis are messed up and confused, they need to get to their ending, but I stare at the pages in horror, they're as messed up as the characters inside them. Steph needs to get out but how and what'll happen next and first. What's Marco going to do next, kiss or kill? Summer stuck on that plane, neither here nor there. I can't take her back or land her safely here. Rosalind wants to kill January's Mum but their stuck in limbo, January's going the wrong way, is it too late to change it? I can't find the words to kill Hanna or the words to save her. Jacy can't remember who she is nor anyone else, how can I give her a life from that? The storyline is failing.
Ruby and Amy1 wonder if they're heading for the sea of lost characters or if Jenny and Alexis are improved versions of them. Amy2 and Riley wish for life before the death scene that is all I've wrote for them. Ami-with-an-I and Cindy are hovering with that song sung by an Amy replaying all the time, wondering if Cindy and Me will ever be told. Cathy's thrown to the side, she betrayed me as much as I've betrayed her. Amy1, Amy2 and Ami-with-an-I are wondering what's with the name. Ruby feels used and abandoned. I know I need to write them, my mind is screaming to save one of them and help them on their way. My pen is bleeding ink in desperation and yet… no words hit the page. JJ's covering the music I'm loving while Amelia's story-less. Rosie needs to be found and drag to the right chapters but she got lost in time and movement.
What ifs circle, wanting to change and mess with what's planned and sorted, confusing even what's sorted. Who is Dimitri and why is he here? See how Rosalind runs, I need to work on him but I don't know where he's going, where he comes from, or what to do. The words don't favour Dimitri, the words don't favour anyone. Sophie's jumping up and down showing there's always someone I forget, while Sapphire's stuck on a train, running away from her problems.
This is getting me nowhere. Just proving how much I have to write and how little I am finding myself able to. My bookcase is making me wonder if the authors I look up to so much ever had this problem? The words abandon me and without tm I am so lost. Words of inspiration long ago written by a friend to try and force ideas out of me inspire me not. Ideas I'm not lacking, strings of words to fit together in sentences, paragraphs and lives are what I need. What am I if I cannot write? What am I, with so many lives depending on my pen and yet no words flowing onto the page? Why can I write so much about not being able to write and yet have noting with what I need to write. My mind and pen betray me. You wouldn't remove the breath from a living person yet without written words what use is the air I breath? I am nothing without it. And without it they would all cease to exist, it would be a genocide of the mind. Whoever stole the words I need, please give them back. They need them to breathe.
A/N: I had such fun writing this. It was about 12:30/1am this morning the fact that I haven't been able to write anything that's any good for a few days was getting to me, so I wrote this. Please R&R, yes its crazy, but writer's block or whatever it is, is making me crazy.