It's funny sometimes to realize
How little I've accomplished in the long run.
Still less of myself than I've ever been.
Not moving on,
Not finding a way to fix these mistakes.
Your voice still floats in my head like a tumor,
Waking me up at night,
Torturing me through the day,
And contaminating every song we used to love.
I smelled your cologne the other day and it made me want to die,
Made me wish I could find you again just to kill you,
Had me wishing that I could just wake up and be two years in the past.
But, you've known me long enough to know
Those things don't happen.
Still confused as fucking hell
As to who I am,
What label I should labor under,
Which lie I most closely resemble.
Because in the end,
You all realize,
I'm nothing more than a liar.
I couldn't make it one way,
And I'm too scared to take the leap
Into my truth.
Too comfortable in discomfort,
And too piss-terrified to fix myself once and for all.
I've got no right to bitch,
But I still do,
Because that's WHAT I do.
Not going anywhere.
At least, not without you.
There are times when I sit up at night,
Wasted and counting the cracks on the wall
Waiting for my phone to ring again,
For an apology
I'd be living on borrowed time.
Everything with you, I realize
Whatever it was,
Was never even mine.
All I have of you are memories,
Memories that hurt deeper than anything I've known,
Memories that bring me to tears quicker than shit,
And memories I cherish with everything I have.
I'd kill to forget you,
But it would probably kill me.