HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I'M BACK!!! Did you miss me? Was there an indefinite hole in your life in which only I could fill? Was your life just meaningless and black, a dark void filled with chaos and incessant screaming? Don't you hate that screaming? SHUT UP I'LL FEED YOU LATER PEOPLE TIED UP IN THE BASEMENT!!! Do I have to drag one of you out again? Do you remember what happened last time? You can not IMAGINE the things I can do with duct tape, a cheese log, a hacksaw, a hammer, nails, a frozen bag of peas, a tutu, a staple gun, and a squirrel! My psychosis is forever inbound and you do not want me to unleash it upon your unsespecting mouthhole!!! The Rice Crispies told me to do it. They talk to me. They tell me things. Once they explained to me the wonders of the toilet. That was a magical adventure. But I'd like to know how I ended up inside that camel. That was the strange part. Hook left, down the drain, past the Gumdrop Forest, through the Plain of Damnation, take that ride on the purple elephant, see the moon, blow it up, jump on a giraffe that had rockets pop out of its ass, end the NeverEnding War, swim in a pool of nacho cheese, eat a giant toast, roast Mutant Marshmallow People over a fire and laugh as they scream in agony, eat them and listen to them gargle becase I ate their vocal chords, and then turn my legs into spaceboots and then pop out into reality from a camel on the inside. And that really happened. I mean, it felt so REAL. What? Drugs? What drugs? I don't take drugs. Drugs are bad. I take no drugs. Not even the ones that the guys in the white coats said I should. I am not medicated. I still remember those days. They put me in a jacket and they stood me up straight and I couldn't move. I could only run around and bounce off those fun walls. Then I chewed myself out, gouged someone's eye out with a spoon, and then escaped. So much blood came out of him. I use blood as ketchup on my eggs and hotdogs. So salty. So sweet. So life-filling! Mmm... babies. I mean kittens. I mean... MUFFINS!!! TOAST!!! I LIKE TOAST!!! Bagels, not so much. Especially with raisins in them. I don't like raisins. Don't know why. They look like mouse turds. Strangely I want CoaCoa Puffs now. IT'S CHOCOLATELY!!! HOLY SWEET DEAR SATAN IN HELL IT'S CHOCOLATELY!!! SO MUCH CHOCOLATE!!! It will make me explode in a glorious fountain of blood and guts and rainbows and sparkles and CHEESE!!! Cheese is the most amazing thing ever created by man. ALMOST better than sex! And now I would know for I have comemerated my love for another in a night of passion and moaning and sweat. It was AMAZING!!! And now I'll get off that topic, that's none of your business. So why did I bring it up? Who's asking? Are you a cop?! YOU ARE!!! I KNEW IT, YOU'RE A FUCKING NARCOTICS AGENT!!! YOU'LL NEVER GET MY DRUGS!!! I mean, what drugs? I don't do drugs. Drugs are bad. Again. Um... UP UP AND AWAY!!! I SHALL FLY BACK HOME AND RAIN DOWN DEATH AND DOWN AND DESPAIR AND HOPELESSNESS AND A NEW JUSTIN BIEBER SINGLE UPON YOU ALL!!! NONE ARE SAFE!!! LOCK UP YOUR DAUGHTERS AND SHOOT YOUR SONS!!! I'M BAAAAAAAAAAACK!!! I love being insane. Until the next post, keep those bodies hidden, kids!