She thought it was now or never, so she turned around, reached a hand out to touch Willem's arm and asked.
"May I speak openly with you?"
"Of course." said Willem. They took two breaths together, their eyes locked in a gaze. It would have been so easy for her to lean in and kiss him. Part of her thought it was probably best to just let her emotions take control. She talked way too much. She turned slightly and walked to an opposing chair . After she sat down, she looked up and saw Willem seated with all his attention on her.
"Willem, once a few years ago, we were having lunch and you said you only wanted to be friends with me. You told me you thought we were close friends, but I felt that you were shutting the door on us having a different type of relationship." said Missy. Willem was silent, his words caught in his throat. Missy took this as a gesture to let her keep speaking.
"I know you have lived through some terrible events in your life. I know you are hidden away here in your writing. Maybe you know what is best, but I want you to know that I love you and I have loved you for years." again Missy stops and looks. When he still does not interrupt her, she gathers up the last of her strength and says.
"I don't find it easy to talk, but with you I have made great efforts. I have told you things that I have not told another human being. They may not be earth shattering to you, but they were to me. You are very important to me. I want you to know this about me. I don't mean to press you into some kind of corner, I'm just telling you how I feel. I love you Willem. I love you with all my heart. I never felt so secure about anything in my life. You will always be a part of my life, even if you don't particularly want me in it any more."
Willem, after hearing those last words, found his voice.
"May I have a say in this?" asked Willem. Missy looks and smiles at Willem.
"I think I may remember that lunch you refer to so long ago. I was probably scared and I never meant to imply something that would turn you away from me. I would like nothing more then the chance to get closer to you , Missy. After you get to know me, you may not think I was worth all the pining away you have done." said Willem.
" I would feel honored to get closer to you. But what I think you really want is for me to open up more to you." said Missy.
"I think you may feel better if you do. Keeping all those bad feelings inside are corrosive to the soul." said Willem. "I should know." he continued with a smirk.
"Alright. First, I want you to know that I trust you. I don't trust many people, but I trust you. I know you are not an angel, but I have asked for your trust before and you have always kept my confidence. Well, at least from those I wanted it kept from, you know what I mean." said Missy.
"Yes." said Willem softly.
"Second, I worry about dumping too much sadness on you and you would..." she stopped, then she continued;
"I don't want to be the cause for you to take a drink." said Missy, now looking down at the floor.
"Missy, you should never think you would be the cause for anything I do to myself. In fact, if you tell me something, I would only think of how I could help you, I would never think of drinking away your problems. That is not exactly how things work, for me anyway." said Willem. Missy brought her gaze up to meet with his. He gently smiled.
"I want you so much." said Missy. Willem turned to his desk and picked up a pad and pen as if on reflex, he said;
"What did I just say? I really need to get those lines down on paper for the future. If that was all it took to get you thinking about asking me to bed, then they really need to be remembered." he looked up at first frantic, then he relaxed and smiled. His joke worked and Missy laughed. He threw the pad and pen back onto his desk as she stood up. She was much more relaxed and she came over to him. He stayed seated as she bent down lightly touched her lips to his in their first kiss.
"Wonderful things, words." he said. She bent back down and this time kissed him with a new found passion. He responded and put his arms around her as she slid to her knees in front of him. Now she had her arms reaching up behind him and he kept meeting her touches with his own, mimicking her, so as not to do anything wrong.
She broke the kiss after a few minutes and stood back up. She didn't utter another word. She held out her hand and Willem stood up taking her hand. She turned and they walked out of the office. When they reached the hall with the bedrooms Missy looked back to Willem. He smiled down at her. She looked questioning at which room she should take them into and he used his head to point the direction.
She went into the bed room and he tugged at her arm. This time he walked up to her and slowly leaned down and started kissing her. He broke the kiss and was just about to speak when she shook her head and looked at his chest. She ran her fingers lightly up and down and then tugged at the shirt, lifting it from underneath his pants and belt. He placed his hands under her blouse and felt her warm, soft skin. They kissed some more then started to disrobe each other. When they were just in their underwear, they went over to the bed and quickly hopped under the covers. They intertwined their arms and legs and continued kissing. Willem stopped kissing and pulled back. He ventured to speak , but Missy immediately started kissing and licking his chest. Willem rolled onto his back.
"Missy." he whispered. Missy ventured lower down his abdomen Willem, groaned.
"Missy, we don't have to do anything you don't..." Willem continued ,but was caught by Missy smashing her mouth on top of his, quickly shutting him up. Then she moved over to his ear and nibbled there before saying;
"I'm doing exactly what I want to be doing right now. Shh" said Missy.
"Oh, that's funny, me too." said Willem and he turn them both over so he was on top of her. She wrapped her legs around him and started undulating her bottom up against him. He reached down and first pulled off his underpants and then he placed a finger between her thigh and her panties. He stopped kissing and pulled himself up, cautiously tugging to ask her permission to remove them. Without a word, she lifted her bottom and he quickly slid them off. He reached to her back and removed her bra and now there was nothing left between them. He backed off of her and looked at her.
"You have that look." said Missy, coyly stealing glances of his body herself.
"Do you mean the look of unbridled desire about to take over?" said Willem.
"Oh, is this what desire looks like?" said Missy.
"This is it." said Willem and he moved back to gather Missy in his arms. They kissed and tumbled about the bed. When he finally entered her, he pulled back for a second, breathing in deeply. He looked down at her face. She had her eyes closed and opened them when he stopped moving.
"I feel safe in your arms, at home. I am whole. Said Willem.
"I love you." said Missy "Having you want me is all I have ever needed."
They became wilder and more adventurous as the night went on to morning.
When the sky was losing its darkness, but before actual light could be made out, they lay in each others arms stroking each others bodies with their fingers. They were exhausted and warm and fulfilled. She nuzzled into his neck and kissed small kisses up and down his throat. He reached over for a bottle of water and took a long drink.
"Want some?" he asked her leaving just s sip in the bottle.
"Hm?" asked Missy as she lifted her head. She saw the bottle and took it. She downed the last of the water and let the bottle drop onto the floor. Her arm draped across his chest. She collapsed, face down, next to him.
"Are you about done then?" teased Willem.
She smiled and lifted her head. She felt drunk from lack of sleep, her vision fuzzy, her head buzzing.
"I could go another round." said Missy. Willem looked frightened.
"But I think I could use some sleep." said Missy as she snuggled back down.
"What is this? Yesterday, I pictured you as the poster child for good Puritan living and now I think I'll call you harlot." said Willem.
"Harlot, I like it. It rhymes with Charlotte, and garlic." said Missy.
"Garlic?" said Willem and with that he looked over and saw Missy sleeping. He closed his eyes, a smile across his face and he fell asleep beside her.
Later in the afternoon Willem awoke. He couldn't remember the last time he slept into the afternoon. And it was a good sleep too, he was well rested. He heard Missy in the bathroom. He got up and put on some sweat pants. He went out into the bright living room and then into the kitchen. He found a bottle of seltzer, a box of crackers, and a small wedge of cheese in the fridge. Missy came into the kitchen.
"Hi there." she said looking at what he was doing.
"Hi." said Willem. "I'm just trying to put something of a breakfast together. Help yourself, if you find anything else. I just need to use the bathroom. He left the room and she found a few more things and brought them to the table. When Willem returned Missy was sitting at the table and placing plates and napkins at each place. He hugged her from behind quickly and then sat down. Missy was all smiles as she stole glances at him.
"What?" asked Willem.
"Last night." said Missy. "It was incredible. You were …" she stopped and took in her breath slowly.
"What, go on, I like reviews, especially those that make the reviewer blush." said Willem watching her shyly look back at him.
"Willem?" asked Missy.
"Yes." said Willem busy opening the bottle.
"Last night was a first for me." said Missy.
"What?" said Willem with an honestly shocked face. "I know you have been married before, I mean,." she stopped him.
"You are not the first man I had sex with, but this was the first time, I liked it." said Missy. "I more then liked it, I mean, everything worked."
"Was this the first time you ever had an orgasm?" asked Willem.
It's complicated, but for in a way, yes." said Missy. She was breaking her cracker into dust, bit by bit.
Willem was determined to keep her talking.
"And it was good for you?" he asked with an air of arrogance.
"More then good." said Missy. She glanced up at Willem.
"Anytime I'm always here for you." said Willem. Missy threw a cracker at him. It hit his arm.
"Ouch!" he yelled. "Oh you harlot, you, and now physical violence. What have I created?" said Willem
"A little over dramatic dearest." said Missy.
"Sorry, I'll tone it down." said Willem.
"Willem, what I mean to say is my first few times were not consensual." said Missy, then she brought her hands to her stomach. She wrapped her arms around her middle as if she was cold.
"Are you OK?" asked Willem.
"Yes, it is just, when I start to talk about difficult topics, my abdomen starts to shake very badly. I'm not nauseous or anything, my tummy is just shaking violently inside me. But I want to go on." said Missy and Willem watched her with loving eyes, patiently waiting for her to feel she could go on.
"I think it is anger, this shaking. I think because I have never let it out, when I talk about certain things, it rises from some where buried deep inside." said Missy. "Anyway, I had sex..." she went on , but Willem interrupted her.
"No, you were raped. Have you ever tried saying that word? If you did not consent to having sex then..." Now it was Missy's turn to interrupt Willem.
"I know what you are trying to say, but let me just use my words here. That is something else. I felt so disconnected from the world and that is why a few months after the abortion.." She looked up at Willem, he watched quietly as she spoke, she went on;
"I had this date and latched on for dear life.
Let me back up. I felt as if I sold my soul to have lived through one night and then there were complications with the abortion. I was told if I started unusual bleeding, that I was to get to the emergency room. Well, I thought I was bleeding out, It was bad, but I had no way of getting to the emergency room. Well, that's not entirely true, there was one ride, but I was so depressed that I thought if I just fell asleep, that I would either die in my sleep or wake up alive. Now, maybe I wasn't bleeding to death, but I thought I was, and I made peace with the fact that I might not wake up. I took the risk and went to sleep. I woke up." she shrugged at him.
"I'm so glad you did." said Willem and he reached his hand over to hers and gave it a squeeze.
" I married shortly after. He was, maybe not the best match for me, but he ..." she stopped.
"I can't go on." said Missy.
Willem took a deep breath.
"I love you. Can I change my mind and go one?" asked Missy.
"Sure." Said Willem.
" When I married I could not feel very much, not emotionally or physically. But last night, I felt so different then with any man I have been with." said Missy. "I think love plays some part in it. I don't think I could have ever trusted or allowed myself to enjoy such feelings without love. I think that is just how it is for me. I've suffered so much abuse that I need that feeling of safe haven." said Missy.
"You are my safe haven too Missy. Maybe we could heal each other." said Willem and she squeezed his hand. They ate quietly and enjoyed each others company reading together the rest of the day. When the sun was setting Willem got out of his chair and stretched. Missy stood up and placed her book on the shelf. She went over to Willem and draped her arms over his shoulders. He bent down and kissed her and she pulled herself against him and they kissed passionately.
"Willem, I have felt tired and sore all day. It feels wonderful. Can we repeat last night? " asked Missy.
"My word, Missy, you may be the death of me." said Willem, but he quickly added, "How did you know, that's how I wanted to go?"
"I must have read it somewhere." said Missy with a wink.
A/N I'm not sure what this chapter became or if this is the direction I should take the story, so please review, if anyone even reads it.