I watch you; I've been watching you for years now.
You didn't know that did you? Well I'm always watching silently from the corner.
And you think you're the only one who has seen the blackness of death? I hate you for thinking that sometimes, for diminishing our pain simply because it is not your own.
Well I'm battle hardened too, we all are really. But you don't see that, you won't. You judge and you push and wait for someone to snap, you take life, you suck it out with you facade of kindness, you hold it and then wave it around like some perverted sort of peace offering.
It's sick, you're sick. You find comfort in the pain. And then you think your different, from the rest of us...from your wrong, screw you, so much for ive done it and you havnt, because its you who hasn't.
One day you're going to slip up, the lies will unravel themselves gloriously. You and that damned high horse you're riding, you're going to fall and you won't get back up. Because it's about quality, and you've got quantity enough, with plenty to spare, but quality, you don't even touch that.
We kill and we die, we all know we do, but at least we admit it, you can't think your better than us just because you lie...But thats an argument for another and i know things are so much worse for you, but guess what?My souls pretty black right now too. It's been moulded and made new; you know that, you did that.
But I'll leave that little fact to grow and fester Because today, today is different, today is just this....I killed you once.. Or at least I watched you die. Do you remember, do you remember it? Or did you block it out like you block everything else out? Are you keeping it hidden away in one of those boxes with all your other precious memories? Too bad I don't have that used to the feeling. And I face it every day, because I know eventually there will be something better to come. I face it willingly, as I await the promise of hope.
But I remember you killing me; I bet you hoped I wouldn't, didn't you? You waited until I was too distracted, until I was hiding deep inside the blackness, you wanted to believe you didn't do it. Think about all those lies you told yourself. She was already Brocken, it wasn't my doing.
If you can't make yourself believe it, what makes you think I would've? And does it make you sleep better, the hoping? I won't begrudge you that...because then I can hope too. And then you can dance around the issue, and pretend it never happened.
But we kill each other every day, we take life away, in such a deeply dramatic, and theatrical way. You're tearing your life apart, and your laughing. Well I'll laugh last, because I'll see you fall again, and there will be no one here this time. And I have woken, alive and almost whole, and yet I know, you'll kill me again, and so I lay silent and still. Death follows you, quiet but always closes
I remember knowing what I was getting into, you know what I mean, but I was so young, and it was an oath that I didn't understand, how could've I?
You were the master manipulator.
And to think I hoped to save you. Well there is nothing left. Just bitter apathy and pity. So much I didn't know, didn't expect, I still blindly trusted, but no more, no more will you kill me. Because when you die, when I kill you, another piece of me turns black, because once more you will rise, but never will you walk away. You know it because I see it on your face too. I know you and I know myself.
You saw me die, and I saw you, but now I choose to walk away.
Because I know that it has become too much a part of us, and I wonder how long it will take for the darkness to overshadow the light. You don't know any other way to live...but I do.
And it comes as no surprise to me, none at all, as I see it, I turn back to look once more upon you, and there is nothing for me, and I see on your face bitterness, and success, and so I know you think you did well.
But I smile fondly, because I see you die again....and I live. And I know its pride in you that does it.
And I know that something like pain...or relief flickers on my face, because once again I'm watching you die...but the difference is this time I'm free.
And so I laugh a painful and yes happy laugh.
And although it sounds foreign to my ears, I know it's a sound that will get used to.
And I know every time you hear it, you'll die again. But it won't kill me, because I know it's not my fault.