THE NEVER-ENDING QUEST FOR LOVE

***

Dear Special Somebody,

Whoever you are, wherever you stand, I wonder if you ever hear my prayers. I ask of you to come into my life… every hour of every day, every night when I sleep alone in my cold bed. So I wonder… over and over again… Why won't you cross the path of my empty life?

When I was a little girl I dreamed of the day I'd become a beautiful bride, dressed in a pure white dress, just like in the movies I've seen. I guess it was just a silly dream that every little girl has. But then I quickly grew up into a teenager and, before I even realised it, I wanted somebody by my side to understand me. I was only a timid girl who was just starting to learn about the bewildering world she was living in. Beyond obvious adolescent desires and rebellious behaviour, I needed somebody special to make me feel loved… at the age when we are never content with ourselves. I longed for somebody through whom to discover myself, somebody to hold my hand and teach me how to kiss. I wanted to learn with you, through yourself, about love.

But you were not here with me. Now I am neither a child, nor a teenager anymore and I am still waiting for that special someone to light up my life, to wake that special feeling inside my soul, to make me feel with my entire being.

My whole life seems to be a quest, always predictable, never interesting. I always seek love, but never find it. What a rare thing must love be, I came to think. They say you can find it everywhere… but then I must be an awful seeker. Life is ironic.

Whenever I am staring at the moon, I feel like a sky without any star. I know I must be heading for something, but I don't know what exactly is that certain "something". I am walking down a long road, but I don't know when or how will it end. I don't know the meaning of this never-ending journey. Is love itself this meaning? Or is it the destination? That's why I need you to be my meaning, my destination, my special somebody. Be the meaning of my life, will you? Bring the sunshine on my cloudy sky!

I feel empty, I call you every night to come and fill my life with that wonderful feeling that everybody is talking about. I long to know how it feels. How does love feel like? Does it send shivers down the spine; does it make you feel butterflies in the stomach? Is it too much I ask of you? Is it not natural for me to wish to feel complete? I need you, my other half, to make me whole. I am afraid that I can not go on by myself. I am just an incomplete without you, I need to belong to something, to somebody. Please be the half that completes me!

It feels like I do not exist. I know that I am, that I must be somebody, but I do not belong to something. It seems to me that my whole existence is an unending dream, not a beautiful dream, but neither a nightmare. I exist, though… I do not live. I am just another person that has been brought to life, without knowing the reason why, having no idea about what life is supposed to be like.

I need a reason to go on with my life. I need you with me, to be this reason. I can not live without love. All I need is love, and it is the only thing I can not have. Why… I wonder? What have I done or not done to deserve this emptiness?

Have you previously walked my path and I had not noticed you? Through the many risks that I had not taken, the many opportunities that I missed, were you one of them? No, I would rather believe that the time when we would meet has not yet come. I do not like thinking of the other possibility.

Even though I do not know who you are, I know you must exist… out there, somewhere. Don't they say that there is a special somebody for anybody? You just have to be patient, but I am scared that I will lose my patience.

No matter what, I will wait for you, dear whoever-you-are, I will be right here waiting for you to cross the path of my life, to give my life a meaning, to make me whole but above all, to show me what is love. But please, dear "special somebody", hurry. I am afraid that I will no longer have faith in "love" if you do not show up soon.

Yours sincerely,

the girl you have never met; the girl that waits for you every night and day