Okay, this is my first FP about him and it's not exactly how I wanted it to be. He's upset with me now, and I started this as soon as I was sure. God, I sure screwed up.

No, this isn't exactly what happened, but it's how it felt. Did he say all these things? No, but he should have. I deserved it. Did he say any of it? Yes, the lines I keep repeating. Those are the real ones.

I won't say who, because I'm sure he wants nothing to do with me right now. Writing a whole story with his name would probably make him more upset and I REALLY don't want that.

And if you're reading this, I really am sorry! I got into business that wasn't my own. I'm so sorry and I REALLY am crying. -- Maybe that makes you feel better? I know it doesn't. Doesn't help that I hear your name or am reminded of you so constantly. I'm so, so sorry! It wasn't my call to make.

It sucks when your hero is mad at you.

"Hey, you home?" I called. No answer. It not my place to enter, but I stick my nose in anyway. Much like the situation I got myself into. That's why you're mad at me.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

I swirl around to face the deep voice. My knees shake and my jaw falls slack. You never talk to me like this. Well, you have but this time I could tell you meant it.

"I... came to see if you were okay..." Curse my instability when put in such situations.

"Do I fucking look okay?"

"I'm... sorry."

"Goddamn it! You're making it worse!"

By this time, I've shrunk into one of the corners. "I was trying to help..."

"Well, you didn't!" I open my mouth to speak again. "Don't say you're sorry!"

There is a long silence. Such a long silence. So many thoughts swirl through my head. Don't say you're sorry, don't say you're sorry. But what else can I say. This whole thing is my fault. If I just kept my thoughts to myself. But I didn't know what to do! Can you blame me? It was supposed to comfort you, but it didn't. Now you're mad; your eyes are a dead giveaway. The flames that lick up your pupils. No, you've never been this upset. Never.

I'm crying now. "Are you mad at me?" Only in retrospect do I hear how stupid the question is.

"Look, just leave me alone for a while."

And just like that, I'm shattered.

I'm broken and falling to pieces on the floor. You don't realize how crushed those words have made me.

"Okay," I get up toleave the apartment. Quietly behind me, your feet slap against the hard-wood floors. I step out and turn around. "I really am sorry."

You don't say anything. You just look at me. Not glare, no sympathy, just a look. Then the door closes and we're disconnected. Just like that, our friendship, our bond, gone when the door clicked into place.

You and I, we weren't meant to be friends, were we? Maybe we were and I just fucked it up. I do that a lot when I get too attached to someone. It's the life cycle of all my friendships:

Meet, get to know each other, talk, collaborate, fall in love, say the wrong thing at the wrong time, end.

Why am I such a screw up? Why is it when people start getting me to talk, they regret it so soon? I'm a shy and quiet girl. That's who I am, that's who I should remain.

As I walk down the hall towards the exit, the only thing I can think of over and over are your words. "

Look, just leave me alone for a while.

How did I get here? How could I just pull everything away and throw it into the fire like I did? It's my fault; I take all the blame. You're hurting and I put salt right on the wound.

Look, just leave me alone for a while.

How long is a while? I come home to hell and your replies are my ray of sunshine. They keep me going.

I think back on what I said... I see my mistakes, all of them. Each of them are a slap right in the face.

You idiot, I tell myself, you should have known better. You should have known...

I push the button on the elevator and wait for the doors to open. My throat burns, I know I'll cry soon. Please, just let me make it outside first.

Then man in the elevator takes one look at me. "Hey, are you okay?"

I chuckle bitterly, "Listen here, I know better than anyone right now. Don't stick your nose where it don't belong."

He looks at me weird and the doors close.

Leave me alone.

You don't realize how hard it will be for me to fill out that wish. But for you, I will. For you, I'll do anything if you ask. Because in reality, I'm hooked on you. You're my virtual drug and I don't have you anymore.

As I pass the front desk, the man behind it says, "Have a nice day."


Again, someone says the wrong thing at the wrong time. I turn and glare this man down but say nothing. I know better now.

It sucks when your hero is mad at you.

I should know.