[A/N: These all take place between chapter seventeen and chapter eighteen of Neurotic and Sociopathic in Space!]

Riley meets Delilah

Riley roamed around the kitchen, peering into the cupboards, examining everything in the refrigerator. Jakob was setting up a room for him. Stupid Jakob, Riley thought, kicking a cabinet door shut. Marooning me here. Stupid planet with its stupid cold food.


Riley jumped, knocking over a can of dried pasta. He scrambled on the floor, scooping up handfuls of macaroni and cramming them back into the container.

"You must be Riley," the glorious vision of womanhood said. "Jakob said you were kind of a spaz. I'm Delilah."

Riley gaped up at her, hands still, macaroni forgotten. How had he ever thought of another woman? How had he ever even looked at one and not been repulsed by her ugliness. Delilah, the most beautiful name for the most beautiful of woman-- nay, not beautiful, for beauty was too weak, too common a thing too--

"Hello, Earth to alien boy?" Delilah waved her hand in front of Riley's face. "Anybody home?"

Riley licked his lips. The goddess was speaking to him. He should respond, offer his undying devotion, a pathetic trifle in comparison with her great magnificence. Squaring his shoulders, Riley opened his mouth to speak.

"I bet you taste like sparkle," he whispered.

"Okaaaay." Delilah put her hands on her hips. She looked at the dazed Riley for a moment, then turned away.

"Jakob!" She called as she left the kitchen. "Your friend is weird!"