I entered the college gates on the first Monday of October. I saw the masses of people talking and chatting to their friends while I stood alone. People pushed and shoved trying to get to the people handing out all the free stuff, chocolate bars, pens, condoms you name it and they were giving it away. I thought to myself what have I got myself in for. I had been looking forward to starting college for months, actually since the day I had found out I had gotten in. But now that I was here, I felt like perhaps college wasn't for me. But I tried to convince myself that it was going to be ok. It was the first day after all, I'm sure everyone was in the same boat but as I looked around and saw no one looking the way I did I thought perhaps everyone had jumped off this boat as soon as they realised they were going to fit in here. But I didn't feel like I fit in here. I didn't belong here, everyone looked so stylish and happy. Happy that they had finally gotten here, happy that for the next week they could party and drink knowing real college wouldn't start until the week after, just generally happy. Everyone seemed happy except me. I told myself that I could just register and then I could go home, it wasn't going to take long. As I waded through the crowds of people offering me stuff in exchange for my money for their society, I knew that I was a nobody here. I got to the building where you register and stood in the queue. It was quiet at first but then people starting talking to other people and soon there was groups forming with people exchanging ideas and rumours about what the Law course was going to be like. I was praying that they wouldn't talk to me, talking to people I don't know is not one of my strong points. I stood there waiting for my turn to register myself for this for the next four years. As I drew closer to the top of the line, I started to think what if I just ran, ran to the bus stop and never registered. They would assume that I was just a typo and I wouldn't have to deal with that…no I couldn't do that, what was I going to do with no education? Nothing, you cant go anywhere good in life without an education, that was what I was always thought. So I did it, I signed the form, I got my student I.D and my diary. I was told I wouldn't know my timetable until the next week, but that was ok, there were no classes this week anyway. I was given a letter with a name of a lecturer on it who was apparently my tutor. Dr. Ryan and it said I should go and meet him. I shoved all the stuff they had given me into my bag and ran out of the front gate to the bus stop. I joined no societies, didn't go out at night and didn't go back to college for the rest of the week.

The following Monday, I thought I could feel myself starting to cry as I got off the bus. I didn't know where my first lecture was so I had the joy of figuring that out and being surrounded by people from other years. I eventually found the lecture hall I was meant to be in and of course the lecture had already started. I took my seat in what appeared to be the only available seat at the corner just as I walked in. That was good, no one really knew I was here, my objective of keeping a low profile seemed to be working. I took notes throughout the lecture and understood about half of what he was talking about which was a good start I figured. Perhaps things were starting to look up. I convinced myself that what I had suffered was pre college nerves, nothing to get upset about, or so I thought. My next lecture was in a totally different building but it was ok, I let some people walk in front of me and I just followed them. You only realise how tired you get from worrying and being so nervous when you see a coffee stand and you feel yourself going faint. I watched the general direction the people from my course go and I knew the room number so I'd be able to figure it out no problem. I had a few minutes before the lecture started, everything was going to be fine. I got a mocha and put about ten sugars in it before walking up the stairs to find the room. I hadn't anticipated that the corridor was going to be like something out of Hogwarts with rooms on each side, and extra halls leading off the main ones. I put my coffee on the ground and took out my timetable to see what room it was, 2043 ok that's what I had to find. It was right at the end, left, left again and two doors down. I silenced my breath because I knew it had already started and hopefully no one would know I was here. I opened the door and walked in letting the door shut behind me and it closed with such an almighty bang that I jumped and spilled coffee all over myself. Everyone in the lecture hall turned and looked before breaking out into fits of laughter. I wanted to die. The lecturer even stopped what he was saying and looked at me. I was stuck on the spot as the coffee began to cool and people continued to laugh. I knew I shouldn't cry so I tried to do anything to stop myself from.

"Em, ok, ok that's enough." the lecturer said a few times. People eventually stopped laughing as he continued to stare at me.

"Would you like to take a seat?" he said in a very friendly voice. I don't know why he wasn't laughing, if I were him I would have laughed at me. I looked around for a seat and the only available seats were in the first row. I walked down the steps to the front row, hearing people sniggering as I walked past them and sat in the row. I was of course the only one in the row. He smiled before starting to talk again while I got my stuff out. Pretty soon the smell of coffee wafted throughout the whole hall. I don't think that could have gone worse. After the lecture was over, I waited for everyone to leave before I did so I wouldn't have to talk to anyone. The lecturer smiled a sympathetic smile at me before he left. He was about 30 I'd say, small, well taller than me but small for a man, skinny, very skinny but the suit fitted him well, long skinny fingers and black hair that came up in a wave at the front with deep chocolate brown eyes. I was the final person to leave and groups from my lecture had formed outside, laughing and pointing when I walked out. Obviously people had bonded over my horrible entrance to that lecture. What can I say I bring people together.

I went home and threw my coffee filled clothes into the wash basin and lay on my bed going over the incident in my head over and over. My mother walked in after a few minutes obviously wondering why I had not come in to say hello.

"How was…Why does it stink of coffee in here?"

"It's the stench of mediocrity is what it is."

"O…smells like mocha."

I didn't go into my lectures for the rest of the week, I understand that I probably missed loads but I just did not care anymore. I don't think I was cut out for college, it just wasn't my thing. It got to Friday and I was quite happily asleep when my mother stormed into the room.

"Why aren't you at college?!"

I forgot she didn't work Fridays.

"I'm not in." I lied.

"O really? Well how come it says lecture 12 o clock on your timetable for Friday!"

She dragged the covers off my bed then dragged me out. I got ready and she drove me in dropping me right outside and waiting until I walked in. I suppose it had to be done. I was early for my lecture and sat down the front waiting for it start and finish so I could go home. The lecturer walked in and started setting up occasionally glancing at me, yea I bet he was trying to remember whether or not I was the one who spilled coffee all over myself. He wrote his name on the board and I recognised that name, but from where? I searched through my folder and found the letter, he was my tutor. He would be wouldn't he, the one person who saw me making a complete arse of myself is my tutor. I figured I should go up and introduce myself. I approached the front of the hall and he turned around to face me.

"Sorry, I just realised you're my tutor and I thought I should introduce myself, I'm Roisin."

"O ok, I didn't meet you last week." he said shaking my hand.

"Yea, I forgot I meant to come and meet you, sorry."

"That's no problem I understand how busy last week was." he smiled. At least I was given a nice tutor. "But if you wish you can come and see me today anytime after this lecture would be great." he smiled, he really was a smiley person.

"Em…ok sure." I didn't really want to be spending any more time than I had to in this place but I suppose I could wait another 20 minutes or so after.

His office number was on the letter and so was the name of the building. I headed in the direction I thought it was in and eventually found it. It was an old building at the end of campus and his office was on the very top floor. I walked up the long winding stairs to the top floor and knocked on the door that had Dr. Ryan on it. I liked it up here, it was nice and quiet and secluded and unlike the rest of the college, this building wasn't packed with people, there was actually no one here, just me and some lecturer I passed on the stairs. I heard shuffling in the office and then he answered the door. I was greeted warmly and was told to take one of the very comfortable looking seats.

"So c'mon tell me about yourself." he said taking off his jacket and putting it behind his chair.

I wasn't really sure what to tell him so I just told him about school and why I wanted to study law and he seemed fascinated by all of this. He asked me if I wanted tea or coffee because he had a kettle over the other side of his office and he took out a packet of biscuits. I was reluctant to take one but he insisted.

"I want you to feel right at home in this office, so please relax and take a biscuit." I trusted what he said and as the conversation went on I began to ease up. I thought it was kind of weird I was having tea and biscuits with my lecturer but I thought, he's a person the end of the day. He asked me about different aspects of my life and told me about his to an extent. He was really a lovely man and I didn't realise we had been there for an hour until he said he had to get to another lecture. He walked with me downstairs and told me I should pop by every week or so and tell him how I'm getting on in college. I told him I would because I honestly felt happy after that talk, perhaps that was just what I needed, but I wasn't going to kid myself or think that he actually cared about me, I'm not that naïve. I turned to walk away and before I left he smiled and told me he gets a different type of biscuit each week.