A satiricle speech that I wrote for my English class that I decided to upload.

Feel free to offer any feedback you wish.

Read and enjoy,

My Parakeet Has Issues


My fellow students;

I have gathered you here today to discus a serious matter that has been spreading across campuses like the Pig Flu spread across Mexico. It is an issue that threatens the regular school days of me and my fellow students, and it has the potential to drastically alter the future of our great school.

What is this threat, you all ask? Well, I will gladly provide you with an answer. Just know that we can not panic, can not be thrown into an uproar, when I tell you that our own communities, our own city, wants our glorious school. . . to start recycling.

It is shocking, I know! But we need to remain calm, and keep our wits about us when discussing this atrocious topic. I myself was disgusted when I heard that there are those in our community that think we should "reuse" and "reduce" so that we may "conserve our resources" and "save the earth". It's truly horrible that some people wish to go against the state tradition—nay, the American tradition of using things one time—the amount that they were designed to be used for-- and disposing of them.

Now, some say, "Why use an aluminum can once and toss it in a landfill where it will stay forever and pollute our earth when it can be melted down and used again?" Well, I say why not? Why not use a soda can once, for it's designated purpose, and put it back into the earth from whence it came? Why not use half a sheet of paper and throw the rest of the perfectly usable piece into a waste bin so that is is never used? I mean, it's an incomplete piece of paper, what's the point in using it?

And why should we "save the earth"? I mean, what's the earth ever done for us? Provided us with "food" and "water" and a "breathable atmosphere"? Ha! Try earthquakes, hurricanes, and man-eating animals and insects! As far as I'm concerned, the earth has never done us any favors, so why should we do it any favors? Has the earth ever preserved something for us? Like, I don't know. . .food? When was the last time you were able to reuse a vegetable after you'd eaten it? Could you eat it again so that you didn't have to go out and buy more vegetables? I don't think so.

I know that change is hard to resist, but recycling is one change that we can't make. So, when other school's are sending their cardboard juice boxes and aluminum lemonade cans to recycling plants, where are we going to send ours? To the landfill! And when other students take notes on the front and back of a piece of paper, what are we going to do? Write in large print on one side of paper! When other schools urge us to become earth friendly, we are going to remain enemies of the earth!

So, no matter what anyone says about our wondrous school, we will stay proud and continue to destroy our planet!