Scene (Curtis, Allen, Brannigan, Crocker, Jeffrey)

Curtis Snr: Brannigan and Crocker first met at school in 1987. Brannigan was new at school, and Crocker was willing to help her find her way around.

Allen: (looks at Curtis Snr.) Sounds familiar.

Curtis Snr: Yep.

(Brannigan walks up to Crocker, trying to get his attention.)

Brannigan: Excuse me? Um, hi. Can you help me find room 208? I'm the new English teacher, since Mrs. Jaliski moved to Arkansas. I think I'm lost.

Crocker: Yes, you are quite lost. This is room 327. You are on the wrong floor.

Brannigan: Darn! I'm going to be late for my class! My name is Sheena Brannigan. I really need help!

Crocker: Fine, I guess I have to help you. I'm Steven Crocker, a math teacher. (To class) Laurence, you're in charge until I get back. The new teacher, Miss Brannigan, is lost, and I've got to go…

Brannigan: (interrupts) have to go.

Crocker: (glares at Brannigan) have to go help her.

(Brannigan and Crocker look at each other.)

Boy in Class: Awkward!

(Brannigan and Crocker look embarrassed.)

Brannigan: Right. Well.

Crocker: Do you have anything planned after school today, Jeffrey?

Jeffrey: Actually, I have a date with Krista.

Crocker: Not anymore.

Jeffrey: What? Are you kidding?

Brannigan: Nope.

Crocker: Absolutely serious.

Brannigan: Let's go. I don't want to think about what my class is doing without me.

Crocker: (shakes head) I can only imagine.

Scene (Curtis, Allen, Brannigan, Crocker, Jeffrey)

Curtis Snr: Later, at lunch, they happened to meet again.

(Crocker is eating lunch, Brannigan comes over to him.)

Brannigan: (debates whether or not to sit with Crocker)

Crocker: Um, do you need anything?

Brannigan: Not really.

Crocker: Well, do you want to sit here?

Brannigan: (delighted) Of course! Well, if that's okay with you.

Crocker: Sure. That's fine.

Jeffrey: Awkward!

Crocker: Jeffrey!

Jeffrey: Sorry, sir.

Brannigan: You'd better be sorry. But not for us. You are the one that will be stuck in; let's see, nine days of detention.

(Jeff walks away)

Crocker: Really?

Brannigan: What?

Crocker: You know we are the ones that have to stay after school with him.

Brannigan: Both of us?

Crocker: Yeah, what did you think?

Brannigan: Never mind.

(awkward silence)

Crocker: So, nice weather we're having.

Brannigan: Yep.

Crocker: Um, do you want to come over to my classroom later, like, to grade papers? I mean, I heard Mrs. Jaliski made her class write essays right before she left. They should be due today.

Brannigan: I thought the students looked happy when I didn't collect anything!

Crocker: So…

Brannigan: I would love to come. You can help me with the new grading systems and stuff.

Crocker: Okay.

Brannigan: See you later!

Song: A Little In Love


It's been so long
You say you've had fun
And you've been happy
With the things you've done
Now you feel strange and a little unreal
Well, I can understand
The way you feel
You're just a little in love
(Just a little)
You're just a little in love
(Just a little)

Well, I can see
What's happenin' to me
I feel alone
But it's just not true
And there's one thing
You ought to know
I need you so
I'm just a little in love
(Just a little)
I'm just a little in love
(Just a little)

You say you're willin' to learn
You need a friend
A friend who will help you
'Cause you're just a little in love
Oh, yeah
A little in love
You are
A little in love
With someone you're just like to see
Like me, you're in love
Oh yeah, a little in love

You know sometime
You look somewhere
You're not alone
But there's no one there
No one to turn to
And no one to see
The way you're feelin'
You're just like me
You're just a little in love
(Just a little)
You're just a little in love
(Just a little)

Now, you say you're willin' to learn
You need a friend
A friend who will help you
'Cause you're just a little in love
Oh yeah, a little in love
You are
A little in love
With someone
You're just like to see
(You're just like me)
Like me, you're in love
Oh yeah, a little in love

Ooooooooh, hoooooo

You're in love
Oh, yeah
A little in love
You are
A little in love
With someone
You're just like me
(You're just like me)


You're in love
Oh yeah, a little in love
You are
A little in love with someone
You're just like me
(With someone, you're just like me)
(You're just like me)
(You're in love)


Oooooh, you're in love, you're in love
You're in love
A little in love with someone....

Scene (Curtis, Allen, Brannigan, Crocker, Rossi, Hale, Kaling, Marcia, Gemina, Fawcett, Vessia)

Curtis Snr: So Brannigan and Crocker went on a "date" to grade papers.

Allen: Not really my idea of romantic.

Curtis Snr: I know, right? Well, I guess times have changed. Anyway, Crocker and Brannigan both denied that either had feelings for the other. The others figured it out, though.

Allen: Go figure.

(Crocker is in staff room with Mr. Hale, Mr. Kaling, and his best friend, Mr. Rossi)

Crocker: Have you seen Sheena, Tim?

Hale: You mean the new teacher?

Crocker: (annoyed) Yes. Have you seen her, Carl?

Rossi: Yeah, she was in Sarah's classroom when I last saw her. Why?

Crocker: Oh, no reason.

Hale: You like her!

Crocker: Yeah, she's my friend.

Hale: No. Well, yeah. But more. Like Jo and I.

Kaling: The theater teacher, Mr. Hale?

Hale: Yeah. You have so much to learn.

Kaling: But I already know all about music and books and I can play a whole bunch of instruments…

Hale: But you don't know about love, Mr. Richard Kaling. (laughs)

Crocker: What? You can't be serious. Me and Sheena? (laughs) No.

Curtis Snr: Brannigan was having similar problems.

Allen: I don't doubt it.

(Brannigan walks into Ms. Marcia's classroom with Ms. Marcia, Ms. Fawcett, and Ms. Gemina.)

Brannigan: Hi Sarah! Hello, everyone.

Marcia: Hi! I'd like you to meet my friends! This is Jo Fawcett, she is in charge of the theater here. And this is Caitlin Gemina. She teaches math with Steven Crocker.

Brannigan: Hello! I'm Sheena. I took over for Mrs. Jaliski a few days ago.

Gemina: Hi!

Fawcett: Nice to meet you!

Brannigan: Hey, have any of you seen Steven?

Gemina: Mr. Crocker? Like, the math teacher?

Brannigan: Yeah. Is there another?

Gemina: No, but I didn't think he would be the one to fall in love with the new English teacher!

Brannigan: You what!?

Gemina: Aww, I love love stories!

Brannigan: No. We aren't in love. We're just friends.

Fawcett: Yeah, right. You two will end up like Tim and I.

(Brannigan looks at Marcia, confused.)

Marcia: She has been going out with the band teacher for about…

Fawcett: (interrupts)Five years today.

Brannigan: Well, that won't happen to Steven and I. (starts walking away)

Marcia: Why do you have to torture her?

Fawcett: Would we rather we torture you about Carl Rossi?

Marcia: (rolls eyes) You both know that would never happen.

Vessia: Wait, you're dating the business teacher? I have to tell Shawn! (runs out of classroom)

Marcia: No! Stop! (yells after Vessia)I've worked here for two years, and I still don't know her.

Gemina: She's Flavia Vessia, the Latin teacher.

Marcia: Who's Shawn?

Gemina: The crazy German teacher. You know, Mr. Klasse?

Marcia: Oh, great. I've got to go tell them that isn't true before they tell the whole school. Thanks, guys. 'Cause I had nothing better to do. (runs out of room)

Gemina and Fawcett: You're welcome!

Allen: Those teachers were jerks!

Curtis Snr: You weren't in their classes!

Scene (Curtis, Allen, Gemina, Marcia, Rossi, Crocker, Brannigan)

Curtis Snr: So, Gemina and the rest knew that Sheena and Steven were totally in love, even though nobody but she would admit it. (looks at Allen intently)

Allen: What? (giggles) Who knew teaching here was such a production? It's like falling in love with a coworker is part of the job description. (looks at Curtis Snr, both blush)

Gemina: Why can't you see it? You're totally in love with each other!

Marcia: Leave her alone. Even if she's in love, she doesn't have to tell us.

Brannigan: Thank you, Sarah.

Gemina: But you totally are in love with each other!

Rossi: I agree with Sarah.

Marcia: Thanks, Carl!

Rossi: (smiles) You shouldn't bother them that much.

Crocker: Thank you, Carl. I mean, it would be really awkward for us to fall in love.

Brannigan: Yeah. Too awkward.

(Brannigan and Crocker sit down together, but making sure not to be too close to each other)

Gemina: Can't you see it! They're totally in love!

Marcia: I know, but we have to pretend not to know.

Rossi: Yeah.

Gemina: How about you two?

Rossi: Well….

Marcia: (coughs awkwardly, glances at Rossi) Uh, well that wouldn't work. I guess.

Gemina: Can't you see it, even though they can't!

(Rossi and Marcia sit down together, whispering, sitting close together)

Gemina: (sings song)

Scene (Curtis, Allen, Crocker, Brannigan, Jeffrey)

Curtis Snr: Crocker finally decided to ask Brannigan out.

Allen: Took him long enough.

Curtis Snr: Well, I can relate.

(Allen gives him a confused look.)

Crocker: (yells down hallway)Hey! Have you seen…

Brannigan: (turns around) Steven?

Crocker: Never mind. I found you.

Brannigan: So…Hi.

Crocker: Hi. So, um are you busy tonight?

Brannigan: Not really.

Crocker: Um, me neither.

Brannigan: So.

Crocker: Yeah.

(Brannigan starts to walk away. Crocker follows her.)

Crocker: Do you want to go to the theater tonight? Like, as friends?

Brannigan: (startled) Um, sure.

Crocker: I'll pick you up at five. See you then!

Brannigan: Yeah, see you.(pauses, turns around) Jeffrey!

Jeffrey: I'll be in detention.


Jeffrey: Enjoy your date!

Brannigan: Do you enjoy detention or something?

Jeffrey: The way I see it, I'm just giving you and Crocker a chance to be together!

Brannigan: Office. Now.

Jeffrey: Yes, Miss Brannigan.

Scene (Crocker, Brannigan, Gemina, Hale, Fawcett, Kaling)

(at the theater, right before the show starts)

Crocker: Well, we're in row 5.

Brannigan: Okay. Let's sit down before the show starts.

Crocker: Alright, Sheena.

(sit down)

Brannigan: (turns around) Oh, goodness.

Crocker: What?

Gemina: Hey! Sheena!

Crocker: Oh.

Brannigan: What on earth are you doing here?

Gemina: This is Jo's play. Didn't she tell you?

Brannigan: No, she must have forgotten.

Gemina: Oh. Well, most of us are here.

Crocker: You're what!?

Hale: (makes his way through the rows) 'Scuse me! 'Scuse me! Slim body coming through! (reaches Brannigan and Crocker's row) Oh, hi Steven! And you must be Sheena. How are you? And what made you fall in love with Steven, of all people?

Brannigan: I um…

Gemina: I knew it! You are going to, like, get married and live happily ever after!

Brannigan: Kaitlyn…

Gemina: You are so lovesick! Can I be your maid of honor?

(Crocker slaps Gemina on back of head)

Gemina: Really, Steven? I know you. I've worked with you for a while. I can soooo torture you, like forever.

Crocker: Bring it!

Brannigan: Children! Behave! Actually, Jeffrey would like some friends in detention!

Crocker and Gemina: Yes, Miss Brannigan.

Brannigan: Déjà vu.

Fawcett: Come on. It's about to start. And Sheena and Steven are on a date. Go mind your own business.

Brannigan: Well, actually…

Hale: Ha! Good one, sweetie.

(Fawcett and Hale walk away together)

Crocker: Awkward!

Brannigan: Be quiet, Jeff-I mean Steven. The show's starting.

(Cut to after the show)

Fawcett: Did you like it? I was going to dedicate it to you two, but decided against it. (smiles sweetly)

Crocker: So, how about that major failure with Juliet's microphone? Or that time that Romeo totally tripped down the stairs? Great show otherwise. (smirks)

Kaling: Well, the grammar was quite incorrect at some points and the costumes were not authentic looking…

Hale: Are you making fun of Joey's show?

Kaling: No, boss. Just saying how she could make next year's better.

Gemina: Hi guys! So, how was it?

Brannigan: (bitterly sarcastic) Well, ready to go home, Stevie?

Crocker: (just as sarcastic) Yes, dear.

(Crocker and Brannigan walk away talking to each other and laughing.)

Gemina: I knew it! I'll see you Monday.

Scene (Curtis, Brannigan, Crocker, Allen, Gemina, Feargal, Michael, Lionel, Tiffani, Cyndi, Corey, Alf, Kirk, Billy, Debbie, Laura)

(school on Monday, one year later)

Curtis Snr: About a year later, on the first day of school, Brannigan and Crocker were getting ready for the next year of students.

Brannigan: Well, I've been here almost a year, and I still can't find my way around.

Crocker: It's been almost a year?

Brannigan: Yeah. You know, there are so many things that happened last year that still amaze me.

Crocker: Like falling in love with me?

Brannigan: Actually, I meant Jeffrey graduating.

Crocker: Well, that shocked all of us.

Brannigan: Not Jamie. Apparently, he was dramatic enough for theater.

Gemina: (walks up to them) Hi guys!

Crocker and Brannigan: Hi, Kaitlyn!

Gemina: Look alive! Students are coming!

Brannigan: Look alive? Why?

Gemina: They're hooligans! Watch them carefully, Crannigan!

Brannigan: What?

Gemina: You know. Crocker plus Brannigan equals Crannigan! You should know, Steven. Simple math. (Crocker glares, Brannigan smirks, Gemina winces)Don't slap me!

Crocker: Come on, Sheena. We have to greet the new seniors at that assembly in about 30 seconds.

Gemina: Have fun, Crannigan! I'm leaving before Steven gives me brain damage. (runs away)

(at assembly)

Crocker: Seniors quiet!

Brannigan: Quiet please!

Crocker: (yells) Quiet! Thank you. Everybody, welcome to your senior year at William Ocean High. Principal Ronald McDonald cannot be here today, but he has asked me to give you all a friendly William Ocean hello. For those of you who don't know me, I'm Mr. Crocker, head of the math department. And I'd like to introduce you all to your English teacher and senior coordinator, the lovely, Miss Brannigan. (is about to kiss Brannigan)

Boy in Audience: Awkward!

Brannigan: (smirks) Thank you, Mr. Crocker. Right, well the first thing we have to do is select our senior year president. The candidates running will be Corey Palmer, Michael Feldman, and Feargal McFerrin. Corey, why don't you start us off?

Corey: Alright. (speaks in background)

Brannigan: He seems nice.

Alf: (shouts)

Brannigan: Who is that?

Crocker: Alf Bueller. Weren't you listening?

Brannigan: Well…

Crocker: You have to learn to listen to people, Sheena.

Brannigan: Yeah Steven. Because while you are talking to me, you are also listening to Mr. Palmer.

Crocker: I am!

Brannigan: What's his other friend's name?

Crocker: Kirk Keaton. He should be in your second period class.

Alf: (yells) Yeah!

Brannigan: (winces) Did Corey say why Bueller was so loud?

Crocker: Nope. I think I prefer the other one, Kirk, better.

Brannigan: I agree.

(Corey finishes speech)

Brannigan: Thank you, Mr. Palmer. Next up, we have Michael Feldman.

(audience cheers loudly)

Michael: Thanks. Now, seeing as I'm the coolest guy in school…

Brannigan: Someone's a bit full of himself.

Crocker: I know, right?

Brannigan: I have a feeling he will turn out like Jeffrey.

Crocker: Let's hope not.

Brannigan: Who were his friends?

Crocker: Well, the boy is Billy Arnold, the girl on the right is Cyndi Gibson, and the girl on the left is Tiffani Houston.

Lionel: (makes a rude comment about Cyndi)

Brannigan: Lionel!

Crocker: Are you sure there isn't more than one Jeffrey this year?

Brannigan: Haven't we already spent enough time in detention?

Crocker: (laughs) I guess not.

Michael: Let's make this year rock!


Brannigan: And now…our third and final candidate…Feargal McFerrin!

(audience yells boo)

Feargal: Quiet please! I have some very important information to impart! My name is Feargal Bobby McFerrin the Third….

Crocker: (looks embarrassed for him) Really?

Brannigan: I feel bad for him. We are the only ones who would vote for him.

Crocker: True. What were his friends' names?

Brannigan: You need to learn how to listen to people, Stevie.

Crocker: What are their names?

Brannigan: Debbie Fox and Laura Wilde.

Crocker: They are such nerds.

Brannigan: Yeah, because I'm sure you were so cool in high school.

Crocker: I was! I played sports and performed in the school musical!

Brannigan: Don't let Jamie hear you say that! She might make us put on a staff performance. And if I know her, she will make it a romantic musical and will cast us as the main characters.

Crocker: Yeah, I'll stick with being a nerd.

Brannigan: (laughs) Same here.

Crocker: Well, this year's class seems to be a little better behaved than last year.

Brannigan: Let's hope so.

(bell rings, Feargal is still talking, everyone is leaving, and Crocker and Brannigan try to make them stay, but fail)

Brannigan: Now remember, attendance for Election Day is compulsory, and I hope to see you all there. (sarcastic – almost everybody already left)You are dismissed.

Crocker: Kaitlyn was right. They are hooligans.

Brannigan: (laughs) Okay, Stevie.

(Crocker and Brannigan leave)

Feargal: I think that went exceptionally well.

Scene (Crocker, Brannigan, Lionel, Billy, Kirk, Eileen, Debbie, Laura)

(In Crocker's classroom)

Crocker: Billy Arnold…

Billy: Present!

Crocker: Lionel Astley…

Lionel: Here!

Crocker: Alf Bueller…Bueller…Bueller…Bueller…

Kirk: It's his day off, sir.

Brannigan: (enters) Knock, knock!

Crocker: Miss Brannigan!

Brannigan: Hello? Over here, please. Thank you. I'd like to introduce you to a new student at our school. Her name is Eileen. Make her feel welcome. Eileen, would you like to say something?

Eileen: Hi, I'm Eileen. I don't know what else to say.

Brannigan: (distracted) Yes. Good girl. (waves to Crocker, leaves)

Crocker: Now, today we will be doing a review of Algebra and Geometry. Most of you should remember the Pythagorean Theorem. (Cyndi walks over to talk to Billy) Cyndi Gibson, sit down!

(Feargal raises hand)

Crocker: Yes, Feargal.

Feargal: Mr. Crocker, problem number four is quite incorrect.

Crocker: Quite incorrect. It can't be! (inspects board)

Debbie: (runs over to Eileen) Hi, I'm Debbie!

Laura: And I'm Laura!

Debbie: Welcome to William Ocean!

Eileen: Hi.

Debbie: So Eileen, do you have a boyfriend?

Eileen: I did, but we had to break up when I came here. He was my longest boyfriend. We went out for two whole weeks. It was majorly serious!

Laura: Far out! That is serious.

Eileen: Are you dating anybody now?

Debbie: Yeah…I was dating this guy named…Anthony. I like, totally love him so much.

Laura: And I know this one guy…and we both have huge crushes on each other…and his name is Chris. We are a totally awesome couple!

Eileen: So, when will I get to meet them?

Laura: Not for a while.

Debbie: They're both in…

Laura: Miami!

Debbie: On business.

Eileen: That's so cool. What are they like?

Debbie: Umm…Well…

Laura: How would I describe him…?

Let's Hear It For The Boy


My baby, he don't talk sweet
He ain't got much to say
But he loves me, loves me, loves me
I know that he loves me anyway

And maybe he don't dress fine
But i don't really mind
'cuz every time he pulls me near
I just want to cheer:

Laura, Debbie, Eileen:
Let's hear it for the boy
Oh, let's give the boy a hand
Let's hear it for my baby
You know you got to understand

Maybe he's no Romeo
But he's my loving one-man show
Let's hear it for the boy!

Crocker: (spoken) Sit down girls! You're making too much noise!

(Girls sit back down)

My baby may not be rich
He's watching every dime
But he loves me loves me loves me
And we always have a real good time

And maybe he sings off key
That's all right by me
But what he does, he does so well
Makes me want to yell:

Laura, Debbie, Eileen:
Let's hear it for the boy
Oh, let's give the boy a hand
Let's hear it for my baby
You know you got to understand

Maybe he's no Romeo
But he's my loving one-man show
Let's hear it for the boy!

whoa ohh ohh ohh
let's hear it for the boy

Laura, Debbie, Eileen:
Let's hear it for the boy
Oh, let's give the boy a hand
Let's hear it for my baby
You know you got to understand
Laura and Debbie:

Maybe he's no Romeo
But he's my loving one-man show
Whoa oh oh oh

Let's hear it for the boy!

(girls end with hands up)

Crocker: Yes, girls. What would you like?

(bell rings, everybody but Crocker leaves, Brannigan comes in)

Brannigan: Hey, Stevie.

Crocker: Surprise! (hands her flowers, she looks surprised) What? You didn't think I'd forget our one-year anniversary, did you?

Brannigan: Our one-year… ? Oh. Well…..

Crocker: You forgot! I can't believe it.

Brannigan: Stevie…

Crocker: No. It's over.

Brannigan: But… What can I do to make it up to you?

Crocker: Nope. You had your chance. (pause) Well, I guess I could forgive you, if you gave me one kiss.

Brannigan: Oh, really? (Crocker steps toward her) Stevie, not at school. What if somebody sees us?

Crocker: Come on. You have to loosen up. Live life on the wild side. After all, danger is my middle name. (spins Brannigan and is about to kiss her)

Laura and Debbie: Mr. Crocker! Mr. Crocker!

Crocker: (drops Brannigan) What is it now?

Debbie: Feargal's getting beat up real bad!

Brannigan: (corrects grammar)You mean Feargal is getting beaten up?

Laura: That's what Debbie said!

Brannigan: Who is it this time? Michael and Billy?

Debbie: No, Brittani and Christina. Two little junior girls.

Crocker: (looks embarrassed) Really?

Laura: Yep. We'd better hurry up, or there'll be nothing left of him!

Laura and Debbie: Feargal! We're coming! Hold on!

Crocker: I'll take care of this. You go home and get changed. I'll pick you up at eight?

Brannigan: It's a deal.

Crocker: (shouts) No, it's a date!

Brannigan: Shh!

Scene (Curtis, Allen, Brannigan, Crocker, Feargal, Michael, Debbie)

(English class)

Curtis: Brannigan's class was reading Our Town by Thornton Wilder in English.

Allen: Oh, I know that book! My students read it every year!

Curtis: Really? I don't remember it.

Allen: I guess I'll have to make you read it some time. That will be totally awesome!

Curtis: Well, I am telling you a story about the 80s!

Allen: Far out!

(fade out)

Brannigan: All right, now please turn to page 47 in your books and we will start acting this out. Now, who would like to be George? Feargal. And who would like to be Emily? Thank you, Debbie. What about Mrs. G…

Feargal: (interrupts) Wait! Miss Brannigan! Don't George and Emily get married in this Act?

Brannigan: Yes, well, they do get married, but I think you and Debbie will do a fine job.

Michael: Ha-ha! The nerds are going to have to kiss!

Debbie: Really? I have to kiss my best friend?

Michael: Yeah!

Brannigan: No! We will not kiss in my classroom!

Michael: Why not?

Brannigan: Because… Kissing is gross! We shake hands in this class.

Michael: Yeah. I'm sure you and Crocker just shake hands when you go out after school.

Brannigan: (flustered) Michael! Detention!

Crocker: (sneaks up behind Brannigan)Yeah! Make that three detentions!

Brannigan: Umm, yes. Would anybody else like to join Michael in detention? No? Good. Let's move on.

Debbie: So, we're only shaking hands?

Feargal: Duh! Did you miss something, Debbie?

Debbie: Oh.

Brannigan: Alright. Look at the time! I guess we have to do this tomorrow. Now, (bell rings) wait! Your homework is to read through Act Two! Make sure you know your parts!

(everybody leaves but Brannigan and Crocker)

Crocker: So, kissing is gross, Sheena?

Brannigan: Don't you have a class to teach?

Crocker: I see. You don't want me here.

Brannigan: No, it's not that. I…We both have to start getting ready for our next classes and…

Crocker: (kisses Brannigan)

Brannigan: Really, Stevie? You had better hope nobody saw that, or we will get in huge trouble.

Crocker: Your point is?

Brannigan: My point is that Latin teacher, whatever her name is, just pops up everywhere! And you know how she likes to gossip!

Crocker: Yeah. Nothing stays a secret with the foreign language teachers around.

Brannigan: Why is she even here? Nobody takes Latin!

Crocker: She just wants to flirt with that German teacher!

Brannigan: Again, why?

Crocker: Bye, Sheena!

Brannigan: Where are you going?

Crocker: I have to go teach my class! See you later!

Brannigan: Yeah…See you!

Scene (Gemina, Rossi, Vessia, Klasse)

(in staff room: Gemina, Rossi, and Klasse)

Vessia: (runs in) You will never guess what I just saw!

Klasse: What did you see?

Gemina: Don't tell me…It's Sheena and Steven! Far out!

Vessia: How did you know?

Gemina: I can see the future!

Klasse: Really?

Vessia: No, you ictus!

Klasse. Icutus? Oh. Idiot in Latin.

Gemina: I have to go see them!

Vessia: Oh no, they are teaching right now.

Gemina: Oh, darn it! (pause, with sudden realization) I have a class to teach! I have to go! (leaves)

Rossi: Really? You had to tell her?

Vessia: Why not, Carl?

Rossi: She will torture them forever. I have to go warn Steven.

Klasse: Can I come?

Rossi: No! Of course not!

Vessia: He is teaching right now.

Rossi: I'll interrupt. I'm sure he won't mind. (runs out of staff room)

Vessia: He acts like it is a big deal that we will be spreading rumors about his best friend all over the school!

Klasse: I see a squirrel!

Rossi: (comes back) Really random, Shawn. Yes, Flavia, it is a big deal that you are spreading rumors about my best friend.

Klasse: Ha-ha! The squirrel went up the tree!

Vessia: Yeah, that's nice. So, why did you come back? Did you leave something?

Rossi: (annoyed) Yeah. I left my keys to his classroom in here.

Vessia: Mace!

Klasse: (laughs) Stupid!

Rossi: Look, I speak English. I took Business in High School. Latin died when the Roman empire did!

Vessia: It means good job. And anyway Latin didn't technically end until the fifties when the last seminar spoken in Latin was held in England...

Rossi: No offense, but I really don't care. (leaves)

Klasse: (laughs) The squirrel left! Auf Wiedersehen, squirrel!

Vessia: (sighs) Let's go. Mrs. Jaliski has to know this!

Klasse: Ooh! Can I come?

Vessia: Sure, whatever.

(Both leave, chatting as they walk.)

Scene (Curtis, Allen, Rossi, Brannigan, Crocker)

Curtis: So Carl Rossi went to see what was going on with Steven.

Allen: What about Sheena? Did she figure out that Vessia saw them kiss?

Curtis: You didn't let me finish. Sarah Marcia went over to tell Sheena what they heard.

Allen: Wow. This school really is a dramatic production.

Curtis: If you only knew...

Rossi: (bursts into Crocker's classroom, sees class, and looks embarrassed) Steven, can I speak to you for a minute?

Crocker: Yeah, sure.

Rossi: Like, in the hallway?

Crocker: Oh! Okay. (goes out into hall with Rossi) What's going on?

Rossi: I was going to ask you the same question.

Crocker: What are you talking about?

Rossi: Sheena Brannigan.

Crocker: What about her?

Rossi: We all know what happened a little while ago.

Crocker: How do you...I mean, what are you talking about?

Rossi: Vessia.

Crocker: You mean she saw us kiss after her class left?

Rossi: You WHAT???

Crocker: Well, it was kind of a spur of the moment type of thing...

Rossi: WHAT???

Crocker: Uh, I guess Vessia didn't tell ya that part...

Rossi: Uh, no, she didn't, but thanks for sharing.

(silently converse, move to Marcia and Brannigan)

Marcia: (walks by Brannigan) Sheena, I need to talk to you. Like, now.

Brannigan: Uh, sure.

Marcia: What's going on between you and Steven Crocker?

Brannigan: (fakes innocence) What do you mean?

Marcia: Vessia saw you with him.

Brannigan: I knew somebody would see us! I told him that we'd get caught if he kissed me at school! I told him, and I was right. As usual.

Marcia: YOU WHAT????

Brannigan: Uh, Vessia didn't tell you that, did she?

Marcia: Caitlin guessed it was you two together, but Carl and I didn't believe her and...

Brannigan: It's okay, really. Calm down.

Marcia: But what do we do? What if she shouts out everything about you guys?

Brannigan: Just relax. Really. It's no big deal.

Marcia: Yeah. It's not like you were centerfold in a magazine and you haven't told him.

Brannigan: Umm...Yeah...

Marcia: (confused) Okay...

Scene (Allen, Curtis, Gemina, Kaling, Hale, Fawcett, Klasse, Vessia)

Allen: So, what happened after that, Laurence?

Curtis: Well Erika, Richard Kaling, the band assistant, and Fawcett and Hale were talking about the next school musical when Vessia and Klasse burst into the band room.

Allen: Oh great. I don't like these two much.

Curtis: No kidding.

Hale: So, Kaling, you can play the flute and...

Kaling: But Mr. Hale, I don't like playing the flute.

Hale: Kaling...

Kaling: Can't I play the trumpet?

Hale: But I'm playing the trumpet. But I'll be nice and let you play the drums.

Kaling: But our percussion section is the worst I've seen since high school in '81!

Hale: So you're on flute?

Kaling: Why can't I play, like, clarinet?

Hale: Because I taught them well. They don't need help.

Kaling: But I teach the clarinet lessons!

Hale: Excuse me?

Kaling: I teach the clarinet lessons, sir?

Fawcett: You making fun of my boyfriend?

Kaling: No ma'am. But I'm sticking with the clarinets.

Gemina: (walks by) Just let him play the clarinet! Come on! What's the big deal? It's not like you were going to play it. And he's an awesome musician. So there.

Fawcett: Uh...

Hale: Fine. I'll let Kaling...

Gemina: Richard.

Hale: Whatever. I'll let him play the clarinet.

Kaling: (To Gemina) Thanks.

Gemina: It's no big deal.

Kaling: (mumbles to himself) You've never met the percussion section.

Gemina: (laughs) I heard that.

Kaling: It took me all night last week to fix the base drum after last month's concert.

Gemina: And I'm guessing Tim never helped?

Kaling: Nope. Does he ever?

Gemina: Oh, that's terrible! You should have called. I would have stayed to help you!

Kaling: Really?

Gemina: Of course.

Kaling: I have to stay after today to write the clarinet part for the spring concert.

Gemina: I played clarinet in high school. I'll stay with you. It will be easier that way.

Kaling: That will be cool.

Gemina: So I'll meet you after work in here?

Kaling: Yep. After work, in the band room.

Gemina: (bell rings) I heard something's going on between Sheena and Steven. I have to go check up on that! Bye, Richard! (runs out of band room)

Kaling: Bye, Caitlin!

(Vessia and Klasse burst into band room)

Vessia: Guess what I just saw!

Kaling: Uh, Mr. Hale? I thought you said that you introduced me to everybody that teaches at William Ocean?

Fawcett: He did.

Kaling: Then who are they?

Fawcett: They're Flavia Vessia and Shawn Klasse. She teaches Latin and he teaches German.

Kaling: Wait, but all of my students say that nobody takes Latin.

Fawcett: Right. None of us really know why she's here, and he doesn't do anything but sit around and eat wedding cake.

Kaling: Is he married?

Fawcett: Nope.

Kaling: Then why...

Fawcett: Nobody knows. He's just really strange.

Hale: You said it. And she's not quite normal either.

Fawcett: Right. (to Kaling) You get used to it after a while.

Kaling: Uh, yeah. I hope so.

Vessia: Hello! Don't you want to know?

Fawcett: Whatever. Shoot.

Vessia: That math teacher was kissing the new English teacher!

Kaling: (falls backwards from shock) He WHAT???

Klasse: She said that the math teacher...

Fawcett: We got that part.

Kaling: Sheena and Steven? Really? I mean, I don't know them that well, but she helped pick up my books when some students pushed them out of my hands, and he sticks up for me when the other teachers complain about how I'm the new guy and I have to ask for directions sometimes. They seem like really nice people! Are you sure it was them?

Vessia: Of course it was them. Who else could it be?

Klasse: Yeah! Who else could it be?

Kaling: I don't know.

Hale: I knew something would happen

Scene (Brannigan, Gemina, Kaling)
Gemina: (starts walking up to Brannigan) Hi Sheena! What's up?
Brannigan: (walks up to Gemina, blurts out) Steven and I kissed, okay!
Gemina: I knew it! Are you two...
Brannigan: But we're not getting married or anything.
Gemina: How did you know..
Brannigan: (bitterly sarcastic) I can see the future.
Gemina: Really? Me too!
Brannigan: (confused) Whatever.
Gemina: So when is your next date? And can I come too?
Brannigan: I don't know if we're really going out. And no, if we do go out, you can't come along. That would be insane.
Gemina: Are you sure you aren't getting married? I mean, you are a 29 year old English teacher. It's not like you'll get many other chances.
Brannigan: (hurt, surprised) Hey! Whatever. This is ridiculous. I'm leaving.
Gemina: Where are you going?
Brannigan: Goodbye, Caitlin.
Gemina: But Sheena...
Brannigan: See ya later. (walks quickly down hallway away from Gemina, crashes into Kaling, he drops books and clarinet he's holding) Oh! I'm sorry Richard.
Kaling: It's okay. Totally my fault. I heard about what happened with Steven. Congratulations.
Brannigan: (helps Kaling pick up books) Thanks. You're the only one that hasn't freaked out so far. Hey, shouldn't you be in the band room helping to plan the spring musical?
Kaling: Well, ya see... Jo Fawcett kicked me out so she could have time alone with Hale. So I don't really want to go back to the band room for a while.
Brannigan: I totally understand. You want to stay with Steven and I for a while?
Kaling: Uhh...
Brannigan: We were going to hang out in the teacher's lounge with Carl and Sarah. You should come. It'll be fun!
Kaling: Okay. I guess that would be cool.
Brannigan: (picks up clarinet) Ya know, I played the clarinet in high school.
Kaling: Really? The clarinets are my favorite. They're usually the smartest musicians in the band.
Brannigan: Yeah. My sister and one of my brothers played trumpet. They both enlisted in the band to join the trumpet vs. clarinet war. They succeeded in drowning out my clarinet often, but I always prevailed. My clarinet could play higher notes when I wanted it to.
Kaling: (laughs) I always liked the clarinet. So, will Caitlin be there with us?
Brannigan: No. She has a class to teach this period. Why?
Kaling: Oh, no reason. Let's go.
Brannigan: Alrighty. (both exit)

Scene (Curtis, Allen, Brannigan, Crocker)

Curtis: So Sheena decided to tell Steven that everybody knew what had happened.

Allen: Kaling told her that the band crew knew the secret also?

Curtis: Yep. She wasn't surprised, though.

Allen: And the topic didn't come up while they were in the staff room?

Curtis: Nobody wanted to be the one to bring it up.

Allen: Yeah, that would be an awkward thing to talk about.

(Brannigan and Crocker are sitting in staff room, Brannigan reading and Crocker moving boxes)

Brannigan: Um, Steven?

Crocker: (not looking up from work) Yes?

Brannigan: What're you doing?

Crocker: Moving boxes.

Brannigan: To where?

Crocker: The band room.

Brannigan: Why?

Crocker: Richard's busy.

Brannigan: What's in them?

Crocker: Props.

Brannigan: For what?

Crocker: Spring musical.

Brannigan: Need help?

Crocker: Nope.

Brannigan: Uh, okay.

Crocker: Yup.

Brannigan: So...

Crocker: Yeah... What're you reading?

Brannigan: To Kill A Mockingbird.

Crocker: How is it?

Brannigan: Good.

Crocker: I liked Scout best.

Brannigan: Really? I like Atticus.

Crocker: Reading it in class?

Brannigan: Yup.

Crocker: How's it going?

Brannigan: Wicked. We're having an awesome time. You know, you kind of remind me of Atticus. Loyal, open hearted, intelligent, full of integrity...

Crocker: Uh... Thanks.

Brannigan: problem?

Crocker: Yeah...

Brannigan: Alrighty...

Crocker: So, what's up?

Brannigan: Not much. You?

Crocker: Going out for lunch.

Brannigan: (slightly distrusting) With whom?

Crocker: Family.

Brannigan: (suspicions gone) Okay, Neat.

Crocker: Yeah.

(awkward silence)

Brannigan: Look, I didn't know how to tell you this, but...

Crocker: Vessia saw everything?

Brannigan: So you know that the whole school knows now?

Crocker: WHAT???

Brannigan: I guess you didn't know that part...

Crocker: Like, everybody knows?

Brannigan: Well...yeah.

Crocker: What are we going to do? Is there anything they don't know?

Brannigan: They don't know that we've been dating for about a year now.

Crocker: Well, it's good that's still a secret. (Brannigan reacts to the word "secret") Sheena? What's wrong? Is there something you want to tell me?

Brannigan: Well, actually, I... (looks at Crocker) Oh, never mind.

Crocker: What's going on?

Brannigan: Oh, it's nothing. Never mind.

Crocker: Are you sure?

Brannigan: Yeah. It's fine. So, what should we do?

Crocker: Uh, we could keep going the way we were? Do the students know yet?

Brannigan: I guess we could keep going. Only Feargal, Debbie, Eileen, and Laura know. The others weren't listening to Caitlin's rant about us. I was there. It was insane. We wouldn't end our relationship over a little secret being shared, right?

Crocker: Right. We don't have to hide anything from each other. Any secret either of us might have wouldn't be bad enough to ruin us. It would have to be something major. And you wouldn't have anything like that to keep from me or anybody else. I know you. So, what were you saying earlier?

Brannigan: (turns away) Nothing.

Crocker: You can always tell me anything. It'll be okay.

Brannigan: Alrighty. Well, I'll see ya later?

Crocker: I'll pick you up at six. Indiana Jones sound good?

Brannigan: Indiana Jones sounds great. I'll see ya then.

(both leave)

Scene (Curtis, Allen, Brannigan, Crocker, Fawcett, Hale)

Curtis: So, after a while, Tim and Jo decided that it was a good time to burst in while Sheena and Steven were grading papers and give them their life story.

Allen: Where did that brilliant idea come from?

Curtis: Who knows?

Allen: Not me.

Curtis: That was a rhetorical question, Erika.

Allen: Well, you asked, and I thought you would want an answer.

Curtis: Well, I didn't.

Allen: Whatever. It's no big deal. What happened with their life story? Did Sheena finally lose it and get fed up with interrupting colleagues?

Curtis: Well.....

Allen: (laughs) Well, I don't blame her. I would have lost it by now if I were her. And what was the whole centerfold deal about?

Curtis: I'll tell ya later.

Allen: Whatever.

Brannigan: A+ for Feargal, A+ for Debbie, A for Laura, A for Eileen, B for Corey, B for Tiffany, B for Kirk,

Crocker: Did anybody fail the To Kill A Hummingbird test?

Brannigan: It's Mockingbird. And I wasn't finished. D+ for Cyndi, D for Lionel, C for Alf, D for Mel and Kim, and F- for Michael.

Crocker: Why did you fail Michael so much? Did he get every question wrong?

Brannigan: No, he got a few right. He just caused so many complications between everybody that works here.

Crocker: Why not just say it caused problems with the teachers?

Brannigan: 'Cause Flavia and Shawn aren't teachers.

Crocker: Uh, dear? I think you've lost it.

Brannigan: We're teachers. Sarah and Carl are teachers. Richard, Caitlin, Tim, and Jo are teachers. Flavia and Shawn are gossips, not teachers.

Crocker: Alrighty. Well, you'll be glad to know that I got a new book that we could both use.

Brannigan: What would that be?

Crocker: Teacher's Guide to the Commodore 64.

Brannigan: Ha-ha. Funny.

Crocker: What? Carl gave it to me. He said to show you, since everybody knows how bad you are with technology.

Brannigan: Stevie...

Crocker: Sheena, you've got to keep up with the times. Be modern. Ya see, Caitlin just told me that they're creating new technology every day. They just invented this device called a Nintendo.

Brannigan: What on Earth is a Nintendo?

Crocker: I have no idea.

Brannigan: Sometimes I think Caitlin is a little insane.

Crocker: Ya think?

Brannigan: (laughs) I know, right? Crazy idea. Nintendos.

Crocker: Yeah. What'll they come up with next? Little Commodore 64s that fit on your lap?

Brannigan: Well, ya never know...

Crocker: You must be crazy too. But I love you anyway.

Brannigan: Aww, Stevie. (hugs Crocker)

Fawcett: (Bursts into room) I wanted to tell a story and decided to...(sees Brannigan and Crocker) tell you guys...

Brannigan: (breaks away from Crocker) I...we...we were just...It's not what you...

Fawcett: It's not what I think, I know, I know. But it always is what I think. Just accept it. I'm always right.

Brannigan: No. I'm...mostly...always right. And I know you're wrong this time. And you need to mind your own business, and...and...and...knock before you enter a room! I'm tired of you assuming that everything will always happen the way it does in a romantic comedy!

Crocker: (as Hale walks in) Speaking of a romantic comedy...

Hale: (to Crocker) Who's a romantic comedy?

Crocker: This whole school.

Fawcett: Tim, tell Little Miss Know It All over here that I'm always right.

Hale: (stands up) Miss Brannigan...

Crocker: I wouldn't get involved if I were you.

Hale: Well, you're not me.

Crocker: Sheena? (Brannigan walks over) Are you really having a yelling match with Jo Fawcett over who's more intelligent?

Brannigan: I guess I am. It is pretty ridiculous.

Crocker: Ya think?

Brannigan: I guess I'll be the better person and end it.

Crocker: Yeah.

Brannigan: So, what was that story you wanted to tell us?

Hale: Should we tell them?

Fawcett: That's why I came here.

Hale: (music starts) Where should we begin?

Fawcett: Uh...High school in 1969? Our senior year?

Summer of '69

I got my first real six-string
Bought it at the five-and-dime
Played 'til my fingers bled
It was summer of '69

Me and some guys from school
Had a Band and we tried real hard
Jimmy quit and Jody got married
I shoulda known we'd never get far

Oh when I look back now
That was seems to last forever
And if I had the choice
Ya - I'd always wanna be there
Those were the best days of my life

Ain't no use in complaining'
When you got a job to do
Spent my evening's down at the drive in
And that's when I met you

Standing on my mama's porch
I told you that I'd wait forever
Oh and when you held my hand
I knew that it was no or never
Those were the best days of my life

(Chorus) Back in Summer of '69

Hale and Fawcett:
Man we were killing' time
We were young and restless
We needed to unwind
I guess nothing' can last forever, no

And now the times are changing'
Look at everything that's come and gone


Sometimes when I play that old six-string
I think about ya wonder what went wrong

Standing' on your mama's porch
You told me it would last forever

Hale and Fawcett:

Oh the way you held my hand
I knew that it was now or never
Those were the best days of my life

Brannigan: But Sarah said that you were dating for five years. You just said that you broke up.

Fawcett: We dated in high school, but had to end it when we went off to college. But the we both started working here, and got back together.

Crocker: Why did you come tell us this story?

Hale: We already told everyone else.

Brannigan: Well, thanks for sharing, but I have a lot of papers to grade, and I need to concentrate, so if you could just leave, that would be...

Fawcett: Are you kicking us out?

Brannigan: Well…Yes.

Fawcett: But why doesn't Steven have to leave?

Brannigan: Just go. Please?

Fawcett: I'm not leaving.

Crocker: Yes, you are.

Fawcett: No, I'm not.

Crocker: Yes you are.

Hale: Let's just go. We're obviously not wanted here. And by the way, you should know that the protagonists in romantic comedies aren't usually in their 40s.

Brannigan: I'm 29! And Steven's 31! Why does everybody always think I'm older!

Fawcett: Probably your dress style...or lack of style...

Brannigan: Hey! That isn't nice.

Fawcett: Maybe if you weren't always so conservative and did something crazy once in a while, people would think you're younger.

Brannigan: Well…

Fawcett: You've never done anything bad, I'd bet. You'll always be in your 30s or 40s in my mind. You will always be old.

Brannigan: But I don't turn 30 until next September!

Fawcett: Whatever. I'm leaving.

Crocker: Took ya long enough.

Fawcett: (leaves) Come on, Tim. Let's see if Richard is finished writing the music for the show.

Brannigan: Tell him we said hello! And don't be too hard on him! Be nice! (Fawcett slams door)

Crocker: Well, that went well. They're so…dramatic. (grabs Brannigan's hands) I'll pick you up at six?

Brannigan: Yeah, see ya. (Crocker leaves, Brannigan makes sure he's gone, grabs something out of desk, puts it in book, sits down reading book)

Scene (Brannigan, Gemina, Allen)

(Brannigan is looking through magazine inside book, bell rings, Gemina walks in)

Gemina: Hi Sheena! Whatcha reading? Ooh! Technology? Can I see? (grabs book)

Brannigan: Caitlin! No! Give that back! (grabs book back from Gemina, magazine falls out)

Gemina: What's this? A magazine? Can I see? (flips through magazine) Whoa...This looks like... SHEENA BRANNIGAN!!!

Brannigan: Uh...

Gemina: But it isn't you. It can't be. This is, like, 1970.

Brannigan: It's 1978. Do the math. I'm 29, the caption says I was 18 when the picture was taken, and the cover says 1978.

Gemina: I are a scientist, okay? I don't read! I'm not an English teacher!

Allen: Oh, so that's where the centerfold issue came in! I understand now. Kind of. I thought Sheena was the conservative one. I would expect this from Jo Fawcett, but Sheena? That's crazy! I could sympathize with her for a while there, but this is just plain weird.

Brannigan: But I am an English teacher! And you really need this book, I think. (pulls book out of desk)

Gemina: Grammar for Idiotic Scientists?!? I ain't gonna be needing this book, Sheena.

Brannigan: Yes, you will need that book. Please, just read it.

Gemina: Don't change the subject. The centerfold in that magazine is you!

Brannigan: (embarrassed) Yes, it's me, ok, I...I needed the money.

Gemina: Does Steven know?

Brannigan: No. I can't bring myself to tell him. I don't want to keep him in the dark but it's just so embarrassing, and...Hey, Stevie-I mean Steven- told me about this thing you call a Nintendo? What is that?

Gemina: It's a gaming system. It's even more cutting edge than the Atari! It's totally awesome!

Brannigan: Uh, why don't you go tell Sarah and Carl about it?

Gemina: And while I'm at it, I'll tell them about you being a centerfold in Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition! Better keep them up on the news of the school!

Brannigan: (yells) NO!!! Don't tell them that!

Gemina: (not hearing Brannigan, leaving room, yelling) HEY GUYS! GUESS WHAT!

Brannigan: (pacing) How am I going to get out of this one? When Stevie finds out, he'll…he'll…I don't know what he'll do! What'll happen when everybody else finds out? This'll be terrible! Oh, what am I going to do?!

Scene (Curtis, Allen, Marcia, Rossi)

Curtis: So, Caitlin told Sarah and Carl about Sheena's secret.

Allen: So, what did they do about it? They didn't tell Steven, did they?

Curtis: No, they just spoke about it among themselves.

Allen: Alright. They didn't ruin it for her.

Curtis: Of course they didn't. They're the good guys.

Allen: Good. But I still don't understand why Sheena would do that. I mean, she was paid a lot of money for the time, but still...Why?

Curtis: Well, you know what they say. Everyone will be world famous for 15 minutes. Maybe this was Sheena's 15 minutes of fame.

Allen: I guess, but a centerfold? Really? She didn't think that would resurface?

Curtis: I guess not.

Marcia: (Standing with Rossi) Do you think Caitlin was right about Sheena?

Rossi: I'm not sure…

Marcia: But you always have an answer! You can't be not sure!

Rossi: But…

Marcia: You can't be unsure! Come on! Think of something, or say it'll be okay, or just do whatever you do to calm everything down! Please! You always know what's going on!

Rossi: I really don't know about this! I'm sorry! I guess Caitlin is telling the truth. Nobody could make up something that huge and ridiculous. I mean, think about it logically. It's so farfetched that it has to be true.

Marcia: Right. I mean, you'd have to be totally crazy to make up a story about Sheena Brannigan being a centerfold.

Rossi: Yeah. She's so conservative and everything. I would never expect her to do something that crazy.

Marcia: I think you should go ask Steven about it.

Rossi: No, I'm sure she hasn't told him yet. Caitlin made it seem like she was the only one that knew. I'll go talk to Sheena about it later. I wonder why she told Caitlin. It's not that I don't like Caitlin, but she did just tell us. And if she told us, she'll soon tell the whole school. She just can't stop talking.

Marcia: Yeah, right? I wouldn't tell anybody if I were in Sheena's place. (Rossi looks at her) But I'm not.

Rossi: Good. We don't have room for much more drama around here.

Marcia: Yeah, right? No more drama.

Rossi: Yup. I'll go talk to her about this whole incident. It'll turn into a huge debacle when Steven finds out.

Marcia: Yeah. And when Caitlin tells everybody else? They'll never let it go! I feel so bad for her.

Rossi: Yeah. I guess I should go tell her that everybody knows what happened. (He turns to leave DSL, Bell ring) Right after I teach this class. (Turns around and leaves USR)

Marcia: Okay. I'll see ya later. I guess I'll…go find…Jo. And see if Caitlin told her yet. (leaves USL)

Scene (Brannigan, Crocker, Michael, Billy, Lionel)

(Crocker is sitting, casually reading a magazine. Brannigan walks in with literature book.)

Crocker: (on edge) Hello, Sheena!

Brannigan: (pathetically flirtatious) Hello, stud. (tries to get close to Crocker, Crocker moves away slightly, magazine behind back)

(Nearby, Lionel, Michael, and Billy play football. Lionel repeatedly drops ball.)

Michael: Dude, what's up?

Lionel: Oh, nothing.

Billy: What's the goss?

(Back to Brannigan and Crocker)

Brannigan: Honey, what's that?

Crocker: What's what?

Brannigan: That, behind your back.

Crocker: Oh, this?

(Crocker and Brannigan flip through magazine, Brannigan gets bored, looks at lit book)

Lionel: Crocker might get me in trouble with my folks.

Michael: What'd you do?

Lionel: Well, he caught me with this magazine…

Billy: Seriously, dude?

Lionel: No, it was an old swimsuit catalog I found in my dad's dresser. It was from, like, 1978.

Michael: And you didn't show us?

Lionel: I would have, but Crocker caught me early this morning.

(Michael throws ball to Lionel, Lionel misses easy pass)

(Crocker looks through magazine, repeatedly glances from picture to Brannigan)

Michael and Crocker: OH MY GOD!!!

(Michael and boys exit, teasing Lionel for not catching ball.)

Brannigan: Honey, it's not what you think.

Crocker: You mean this isn't you? In this magazine?

Brannigan: (turns away) Well…

Crocker: This is you!

Brannigan: I was 18! I needed the money!

Crocker: You're nearly neud!

Brannigan: I am not! I'm in a swimsuit! Just a very…small…swimsuit…Ha-ha…

Crocker: I can never look at you in the same way again! What would my mother say!?!

Brannigan: I was 18, it was a lifetime ago! It's no big deal.

Crocker: No big deal? Look at this staple!

Brannigan: Please, we'll get through this!

Crocker: No. I won't be seeing you tonight. I need some time to think. (starts to leave)

Brannigan: Stevie! (Crocker dramatically steps back.) STEVIE! (Crocker takes another dramatic step back)

You Give Love a Bad Name

Crocker: (to Brannigan)

Shot through the heart,

And you're to blame, darling.

You give love, a bad name.

I played my part,

And you played your games, darling.

You give love a bad name.

(Brannigan runs off stage crying)


Shot through the heart,

And you're to blame, darling.

You give love, a bad name.

I played my part,

And you played your games, darling.

You give love a bad name.

You give love…a bad name.

(Crocker exits, upset, sad, and confused)