Scene (Korts, Kaling, Hale, Jennie, Brannigan, student ensemble)

(Lights come up on a band class. Hale is sitting at a Commodore 64, Kaling is trying to get class's attention with help of one student, Jennie Kennedy)

Kaling: Everybody! Attention! Up here please!

Jennie: Everybody! Listen to Mr. Kaling!

(Band quiets down)

Kaling: Thank you, Jennie.

Hale: (looks at Jennie) What's your last name?

Jennie: Kennedy.

Hale: Do you have a sister named Rachel?

Jennie: Yeah. She plays the trumpet in tenth grade.

Hale: Yeah. She must be the talented one in the family.

Jennie: Uh…

Hale: She did choose the trumpet. And you chose the clarinet.

Jennie: Well, I…

Kaling: No, Jennie was the smart one. She chose the clarinet. She can also conduct and play percussion better than the whole percussion section.

Hale: Why wouldn't you move to percussion, then?

Kaling: I couldn't do that to her. I need her on clarinet.

Hale. You just don't want to do that to her because she's your favorite student.

Kaling: Maybe…

Hale: Just replace Korts. He can sit next to that loser, Geoff.

Korts: (Drummer sitting in back row with drums, gives delayed reaction) HEY!!!

Kaling: Korts, just get back to drumming.

Korts: What did Miss-Teacher's-Pet Jennie Kennedy say about me now?

Kaling: Jennie didn't say anything about you. And Jennie is totally not interested in you.

Hale: Yeah, Jennie's too good for you. You don't deserve a girl like Jennie.

Kaling: Could you, like, leave?

Hale: Fine. If you need me, I'll be in Jo's classroom.

Kaling: Of course you will. I'll be teaching here.

Hale: And after this, you'll go visit Sheena Brannigan?

Kaling: I guess.

Korts: Miss Brannigan? She's my English teacher.

Jennie: No, really?

Korts: What do you want?

Jennie: Miss Brannigan is the only English teacher in William Ocean that teaches seniors. So she's everybody's English teacher.

Korts: Really? I don't believe you.

Jennie: Why wouldn't you believe me?

Korts: Because you're a …

Kaling: Stop right there or you will be kicked right out of the band.

Korts: (Defeated) Whatever.

Jennie: Thank you, Mr. Kaling.

Kaling: No problem, Jennie. Alright, let's get on with the piece. We're starting at measure three. (Korts has issues finding it.) (Exasperated) Korts, it's two after one.

Korts: I got it. I ain't stupid.

Kaling: (Tries to ignore Korts, ends up laughing) Alright. Measure three. (Korts goes to recount to measure three) You know what; Let's just start from the beginning. Measure one, Korts. Everybody ready?

Jennie: Yes, we're ready.

Kaling: Alright, measure one. Ready? On three. One, two, (lifts hands and begins to conduct, tries not to notice Korts failing.) We're just going through this whole piece without stopping and then we'll go back and fix certain parts. (Looks at clock) Alright, we have three minutes left. Pack up and take your instruments home and practice!!!

Brannigan: (walks into band room and starts talking to Mr. Kaling) Hello, Richard.

Tiffani: Woah. Miss Brannigan and Mr. Kaling are totally flirting with each other.

Jennie: I highly doubt that. I mean, Miss Brannigan is going out with Mr. Crocker.

Tiffani: But didn't she seem depressed in English yesterday? Maybe they broke up.

Jennie: Yeah, I think Mr. Rossi said something about that. We always chat during class.

Tiffani: About what?

Jennie: Yearbook stuff mostly, every once in a while the topic will change.

Tiffani: So back to Miss Brannigan and Mr. Kaling. They are an awesome couple, don't you think? I mean, they're both nerdy, they're both single, and they're both clarinet players. Think about it.

Jennie: I really doubt…

Tiffani: And they're a cute couple. Don't you think?

Jennie: I guess…

Tiffani: I think we should meddle. I'll talk to Miss Brannigan, you talk to Mr. Kaling.

Jennie: I don't think this is a good idea. We could get in big trouble.

(Bell rings)

Tiffani: Well, I've got to go to Chemistry with Ms. Gemina. She really needs to get a date before she loses it and sets the lab on fire by crashing into a beaker. (exits)

Jennie: See ya later, Mr. Kaling! See ya in English, Miss Brannigan! (exits)

Kaling: See ya tomorrow, Jennie!

Brannigan: (to Kaling) Have you seen Caitlin lately?

Kaling: Why?

Brannigan: Oh, no reason. (cries)

Kaling: (gently) Sheena? What's wrong?

Brannigan: Stevie found out my secret and now he's going to leave.

Kaling: (calm, collected) What's your secret?

Brannigan: (whispers in Kaling's ear) See? (cries)

Kaling: (after a moment of shock) Uh…It's not too bad…

Brannigan: (looks up at Kaling) Yeah, it is.

Kaling: (pauses, debates answer) Yeah, it is. But we'll get through this mess.

Brannigan: I hope so. If not, what will I do? I'll lose my job and Steven and…

Kaling: (hugs Brannigan) I'll still be your friend. Sarah and Carl will still be your friends. Steven will still love you, and even if he doesn't, you'll find somebody else. Calm down. Everything will be okay. Just trust me.

Brannigan: Thanks, Richard. You're the best.

Kaling: That's what friends are for.

Brannigan: Can I stay here with you for a while? I don't really want to deal with Steven right now, and I doubt he'll want to deal with me.

Kaling: (laughs) That'll be great. We can sit around and chat like old times. I do need some company down here.

Brannigan: What about Tim?

Kaling: He's never here. He's always up in Jo's classroom.

Brannigan: (laughs weakly) They're practically inseparable.

Kaling: I know, right?

Brannigan: (smiles) Thanks for all your help Richard.

Kaling: No problem. I'm glad you trust me enough to tell me your life's problems.

Brannigan: Caitlin is running around telling everybody my secret.

Kaling: Well, that's a problem.

Brannigan: Yeah. A huge problem. Once this gets to the principal, I'll lose my job for sure and I'll have to move and I'll never see Sarah or Carl or Stevie or Jo or Tim again and I'll never see William Ocean again and I'll never see Feargal become a technology wizard and I'll never see Jennie become an English teacher and…and…and…and I'll never see you again. (hugs Kaling, cries into his shoulder)

Kaling: You mean you forgot to put that under work experience on your resume? (laugh)

Brannigan: I guess. (cries harder)

Kaling: Come on. We can get through this. Everything'll be okay. You'll see. We won't let him fire you. If he fires you, he loses me as well.

Brannigan: You would quit for me?

Kaling: I'm your best friend. Of course I would.

Brannigan: Danke, Richard.

Kaling: Bitte, Sheena.

Brannigan: I didn't know you speak German.

Kaling: Well, I do.

Brannigan: Awesome.

Kaling: Yeah. Just don't tell Shawn.

Brannigan: I wouldn't. I'm not Caitlin or Flavia.

Kaling: Thank goodness. One of them is already too much.

Brannigan: I'm really tired. I think I'll go take a nap in your office.

Kaling: Alrighty then. I'll make sure to tell Tim when he comes back not to disturb you.

Brannigan: What'll you be doing?

Kaling: I have eleventh grade band this period.

Brannigan: Alright. Well, I'll see ya when I wake up. (exits to office)

Kaling: See ya. (exits to opposite side of office)

Scene (Rossi, Brannigan, Jennie)

(Rossi is standing in Brannigan's classroom looking for her and glancing at his watch)

Rossi: Where is she?

Brannigan: (runs into classroom, just woke up, hair messed up, etc.) Oh, hello Carl. I fell asleep while I was in the band room with Richard.

Rossi: You did what?

Brannigan: I was down in the band room with Richard and I got really tired and I fell asleep in his office.

Rossi: Wait, aren't you dating Steven? What is going on here?

Brannigan: When Steven figured out…

Rossi: I already know that you're a centerfold. Explain.

Brannigan: (sits down at desk and gets magazine out of drawer, hands it to Rossi) Here.

Rossi: (flips through magazine, finds Sheena, reads article) I see. Well, at this point, you would have only been 18, so you would be needing money for college, and that's most likely why this happened. And you are still wearing a swimsuit, so it's not that bad.

Brannigan: (runs up and hugs Rossi) Thank you soooo much! You understand!

Rossi: Well, of course I understand. Who didn't?

Brannigan: Everybody else. Well, except Richard. I think he understood.

Rossi: So, about you and Steven…

Brannigan: Right. So, he figured out my secret the hard way and now he's avoiding me, so I'd assume we're not together anymore…I think…

Rossi: Well, alrighty then. (laughs) So you and Steven aren't together anymore?

Brannigan: I don't know. Well, I don't think so. I'm really not sure.

Rossi: So what's the deal with Richard Kaling?

Brannigan: There is no deal with Richard Kaling.

Rossi: Then why were you (smiles) sleeping in the band room with Richard?

Brannigan: No, not like that. I was tired and and he gave me permission to sleep in his office, so it's not like I did anything wrong.

Rossi: (gives Brannigan a weird look) Alright, alright. I believe you. Kinda.

Brannigan: Why wouldn't you believe me?

Rossi: Well…It's you…All of a sudden you're a centerfold and sleeping…

Brannigan: No, it's not like that. It's just like…hard to explain…

Rossi: I know, I'm just messing with you. I'm totally on your side.

Brannigan: Just like I expected.

Rossi: Hey, have you seen Jennie Kennedy today?

Brannigan: Yeah, why?

Rossi: I need her.

Brannigan: Oh, really?

Rossi: Yeah. I need her to stay in my room after school today.

Brannigan: Do you, now? (smirks)

Rossi: What? (awkward pause) Oh. Okay. No. Never mind.

Brannigan: Care to restate that statement?

Rossi: Yeah…I need Jennie to stay after school with me today to work on the yearbook.

Brannigan: Better. You really need to fix your connotation.

Rossi: Look who's talking.

(bell rings)

Brannigan: Well, you'd better go. Don't you have a class this period?

Rossi: Is Jennie in your homeroom?

Brannigan: Yeah.

Rossi: Can you tell her I need her (Brannigan glares) …to come to my classroom…during study hall…for yearbook…so she can stay after school…for yearbook…

Brannigan: (laughs) Alright, I'll tell her to go see you.

Rossi: Thanks, Sheena. See ya later! (exits)

Jennie: (enters) Have you seen Mr. Rossi?

Brannigan: Yeah, he just left.

Jennie: Could I have a pass to…

Brannigan: Just go. You can probably catch him if you run fast enough.

Jennie: Where is he going?

Brannigan: Just run after him. He went left. You have to run, though.

Jennie: Alright, I'll try. (starts to leave)

Brannigan: Oh, and Jennie?

Jennie: Yes, Miss Brannigan?

Brannigan: Try to behave yourself.

Jennie: What do you mean?

Brannigan: (smiles) He's been messing up his word choice lately, and he doesn't always mean what he says. You know him. He's such a nerd. And don't try to correct him.

Jennie: (Smiles) I'll try to remember that. (Smirks) How's Mr. Kaling?

Brannigan: (smirks and glares) You'll miss Mr. Rossi if you don't go now.

Jennie: (runs out of classroom) Thank you, Miss Brannigan!

Brannigan: No problem, Jennie. Wait, Jennie! No running in the halls! Walk quickly!

Scene (Jennie, Rossi)

(Jennie runs, runs into Rossi, falls on top of him, he loses glasses)

Jennie: (stands up, brushes herself off) I'm so sorry.

Rossi: It's totally alright, Jennie.

Jennie: Are you okay?

Rossi: Of course. I just…lost my… (looks around for glasses)

Jennie: Glasses? Right here. (picks up glasses, puts them on Rossi upside-down)

Rossi: (fixes glasses) Thank you, Jennie.

Jennie: (helps Rossi get up) You need me?

Rossi: (smirks) Yes, I need you to help me with yearbook.

Jennie: (smirks) Yeah, that's what I meant.

Rossi: Let's go back to my classroom and work on the yearbook.

(both start walking to his classroom)

Jennie: Good idea. Where's your homeroom today?

Rossi: I don't really care; I just send them anywhere they want to go.

Jennie: So you don't like your homeroom this year?

Rossi: Not much.

Jennie: You miss me and Anthony.

Rossi: (laughs) Of course that's it.

Jennie: So, it's just the two of us fabricating the yearbook this year?

Rossi: Pretty much. Would you stay after school with me tonight?

Jennie: Uh…I guess I can stay after school to help you with yearbook…

Rossi: Yeah, that's what I meant. So, it's a date?

Jennie: Uh… Yeah…

Rossi: Yeah…

Jennie: Miss Brannigan warned me that your language has been a little out of it these past few days…She said not to take you too literally.

Rossi: That would be a pretty good idea. (fixes glasses) My connotation has been off…

Jennie: You're such a dork.

Rossi: I'm not a dork.

Jennie: You soo totally are. But I love you anyway. (awkward pause) Like, you're still awesome, I think.

Rossi: You think I'm awesome?

Jennie: Of course you're awesome! You're one of the most awesome people I know!

Rossi: Thank you? You're awesome too?

Jennie: So, let's get to work on this yearbook.

Rossi: My thoughts exactly.

Jennie: You must have read my mind.

Rossi: Of course I did. (smiles)

(exit together, chatting)

Scene (Gemina, Vessia, Kaling, Brannigan)

(teachers' lounge: Brannigan and Kaling are chatting; Gemina and Vessia are chatting)

Gemina: You'll never guess how class was today. This Goth girl named Lydia refused to dissect a frog today because it was "against her religion." She also kept telling these stories about this evil ghost dude named Beetlejuice.

Vessia: Who?

Gemina: Beetlejuice.

Vessia: Who?

Gemina: Beetleju…

Brannigan: STOP! (Runs over to Gemina) Don't say it.

Gemina: What?

Brannigan: I saw that movie with Stevie…Steven…last year when it came out.

Kaling: (laughs) All right, Sheena. We have classes this period, so let's go.

Brannigan: Alright, I'll see you guys later! Bye! (Duo exits chatting)

Vessia: Do you think there's anything suspicious going on between those two?

Gemina: I don't know, let's go find out!

Vessia: Alright, let's go! So, what's the plan?

Gemina: Run after them!

Vessia: But…

Gemina: Let's go!

(run after Kaling and Brannigan, almost run into them, Kaling and Brannigan side-step)

Brannigan: What is it now?

Gemina: Can we ask you a question?

Brannigan: I don't know, can you?

Gemina: May we ask you a question?

Brannigan: You just did.

Gemina: May I?

Kaling: Sure. One question.

Gemina: Are you two together?

Kaling: We're walking together right now…before you interrupted…

Brannigan: No, I think she means like together.

Kaling: Ohhh…But we're not…I think…

Brannigan: I don't think so…

Kaling: I'm pretty sure we're not…I don't know…

Brannigan: I'm not sure…

Vessia: (getting impatient) I need an answer!

Gemina: Yeah! Stop havering!

Kaling: What?

Gemina: Haver. Like, beating around the bush.

Brannigan: Well, we're not together.

Kaling: Yeah. We're just best friends.

(Kaling and Brannigan look at each other and exit)

Vessia: I knew they were together.

Gemina: (laughs) Well, duh.

(Vessia and Gemina exit, chatting about Kaling and Brannigan)

Scene (Brannigan, Crocker, Rossi, student ensemble)

(Brannigan, Crocker, and Rossi teaching at assembly to bored students)

Brannigan: Ladies and gentlemen, we live in an era of change. We are so lucky to have enough money to supply resources for our students such as telephones, textbooks, and computers. Some countries in this world don't even have enough food for their children.

Crocker: (interrupts Brannigan, Brannigan gets angry) That's right. Some countries, such as Ethiopia, are on the brink of total starvation. (makes faces at Brannigan)

Rossi: (glares at duo) We will be holding a concert to raise money for these countries at the school and I hope to see you all there.

Brannigan: Yes. (glare at Crocker) Mr. Ca-rocker and I think that it is a wonderful idea. Now rehearsals are right after school from 3:00 to 5:00 and we hope to see you all there.

Michael: Or…not? Come on, let's go.

Cyndi: Yeah. This is so lame.

(all students leave)

Crocker: Come on, everybody! We're not just citizens of the United States, we're citizens of the world. Come on!

Brannigan: Great, now we have nobody to be in the concert. Great job, Steven.

Crocker: What? It's all your fault. You just assumed that everybody would want to join and gave out rehearsal times right away and you just made it sound lame.

Brannigan: I made it sound lame?

Crocker: Everything you say is lame.

Brannigan: Excuse me?

Crocker: It's you. You care so much about English and grammar that everything you say is truly boring. Being perfect is boring. Not that you're anywhere close to perfect…

Brannigan: We've already been through this. I was 18. It was a lifetime ago.

Crocker: Yeah. And you no-good-liar decided not to tell me that you were a centerfold!

Brannigan: Well you're too craven to just get over it and let bygones be bygones!

Crocker: Ya know what!

Rossi: (breaks apart dueling pair, who are close to a fist fight) Sheena! Steven! I expected better of you two! Come on. Don't let a little secret get in the way of you two being together because you have soo much in common and you love each other.

Crocker: We used to love each other. I'm not so sure anymore.

Brannigan: Oh yeah? Well, then I'm not so sure either.

Crocker: (hurt) Do you really mean that?

Brannigan: (falsely stolid) Yes, I do.

Crocker: Well, then I mean it too.

Rossi: Come on. Seriously? Get over it.

Brannigan: I got over it. He's just too stubborn to get over it.

Rossi: (music starts) Come on. Loosen up.

Song: Man in the Mirror


I'm gonna make a change for once in my life.

It's gonna feel real good gonna make a difference.

Gonna make it right.


As I turn up the collar on my favorite winter coat

This wind is blowing my mind.

I see the kids in the street with not enough to eat.

Crocker and Rossi:

Who am I to be blind?

Pretending not to see their needs.


A summer's disregard

A broken bottle top

And a one man's soul

They follow each other on the wind ya know

'Cause they've got nowhere to go


That's why I want you to know

Rossi and Brannigan:

I'm starting with the man in the mirror

I'm asking him to change his ways

And no message could have been any clearer

If you wanna make the world a better place

Take a look at yourself and then make that change

Student Ensemble:

Na na na

Na na na

Na na-a na na-a


I've been a victim of a selfish kinda love

It's time that I realize that there are some with no home

And not a nickel to loan.

Could it be really me?

Pretending that they're not alone?

A willow deeply scarred

Somebody's broken heart

And a washed out dream.

Brannigan and Rossi:

They follow the pattern of the wind ya know

'Cause they've got nowhere to go

Brannigan, Crocker, and Rossi:

That's why I want ya to know.

I'm starting with the man in the mirror

I'm asking him to change his ways

And no message could have been any clearer

If you wanna make the world a better place

Take a look at yourself and then make that change

I'm starting with the man in the mirror (Oh yeah)

I'm asking him to change his ways (To change)

And no message could have been any clearer

If you wanna make the world a better place

Take a look at yourself and then make the change

Gotta get it right while you got the time.

'Cause when you close your heart then you close your mind.

I'm starting with the man in the mirror (Oh yeah)

I'm asking him to change his ways (To change)

And no message could have been any clearer

If you wanna make the world a better place

Take a look at yourself and then make the change

I'm starting with the man in the mirror (Oh yeah)

I'm asking him to change his ways (To change)

And no message could have been any clearer

If you wanna make the world a better place

Take a look at yourself and then make the change

Student Ensemble, Brannigan, and Crocker:

Na na na

Na na na

Na na-a na na-a

Make the change.


Make that change.