Stop. Just STOP.

I can't think straight when I think of those eyes, the dark lashes pinched into a cruel gaze, and then the twisted smile that erupts from the darkness and the large hands that beat relentlessly against everything they can reach, the vicious, biting words that escape those chapped lips. I can't breathe or see or move and I'm frozen and desperate and please, pl-

"Are you okay?"

A hand rests on my shoulder and a concerned face opposes me just inches from my own, and I'm pulled back from the memory. Everyone else around the room is pushing their way out like caged animals, and I can't help but focus on him.

It's a blend of sadness and fear in those deep green eyes, a shadow of doubt that hides behind his face and depletes his optimism. It's a feeling of defeat and hopelessness and agony and I can't stop myself from touching his soft cheek and hoping somehow I can make him feel better.

His eyes widen and I remember 'luscious' and I move away to grab my bag and flee the room before remembering to reply "I'm fine", but I'm sure my actions speak otherwise.

I dread the emails but I know I can't resist, and I open the reply. The migraine intensifies and I can barely see but

yea he said luscious lol and you seemed like the type of person cam was describing. is he weird to you or something?

and I can't respond, not after today, so I close the message and I close my computer and I sit down and I breathe and breathe and breathe and try to make it go away but at least I know I must still be alive if I'm feeling this pain.

HALP I actually have no idea what I'm doing and I'm so sorry if you have to suffer through these periods of no updates because I myself don't know where this story is going. But thanks for reading anyways and thanks to guest reviewer Laila who pretty much guilted me (unwittingly) into writing this just now. Class starts in like two days and I have no idea what I'm doing with my life either and it's been four years since this story began and a lot has changed, but I guess if I remember enough I'll try to write something. Maybe. Or else I'll sit back and become really surprised when I get another review two years from now. Cheers!