I guess I should apologize for never crying,
For never getting all starry-eyed and sobbing,
I just swallow my tears and saline leaks out my bones.
And all my hurts just run through, run under my skin.
Fingerprick me and a dark night will rush out,
Nightmares trying to escape from me,
'cause I'll just take them back until
My heart beat beat beats them to stay behind my words.
You say you've never seen me cry,
And I guess that's true, but I've just always
Been too afraid to call you when the
Silver lining melts out and the rainclouds start to fall.
On nights when my lungs freeze up and my brain speeds up
and my heart just beat beat beats
and I can't feel a thing.
I've never quite decided if I'm afraid you won't answer
Or you will.
I fall asleep praying to gods I never trusted,
Please please please just save me. Just save me.
I pray that you'll just hold me but I can never find the courage
To knock on your door, so I just allow my jellyfish heart
To get captured between my harsh hands, and oh, it stings.
It stings us both.
I get papercuts on my fingers for no reason but the burn,
And the itch, and the ache, that reminds me that everything
Cannot be as sweet as I pretend it is when you are holding me.
And I'm crying, not in front of you, but for you
And for me, and for who I could be
If only you were here still.
My thoughts are a sea of self-doubt and half-formed persecutions
And I am treading water but I know you know.
And you ask me to cry, but if I do there will be
An ocean of sadness over my head and
Your riptide words drag me down.
And I know you know,
(just save me)
But I know you know,
(please please please save me)
Maybe you've never known
I can't swim.