mouthing (at) her 'til his lips
rolled back and he smiled -
he is a bastard, he is.

he said, (and god she wishes
she still didn't know who her is,
but here she is now):

"i am the hunger, the hunter,
the one who will gun her
down, break her down,
take her down to the very
pits of hell."

don't remember what's been
forgotten -- misbegotten, but he wanted her
when she turned eleven --
"oh, and i love you, baby."

she is the bastard, she is.

fuck it - she's pulling her red
hunter hat on, peak to the front,
because she's lost someone, too;
it was the cancer, too.

he didn't lie, she knows
she's broken; there's nowhere for her
to run, away from that man
singing over her crib:

he's in all the family photos.


Which version do you think is better? There's a change of focus in the second, now third, stanza.