"Every rose has its thorn! Just like every night has its dawn! Just like every
cowboy sings his sad, sad song! Every rose has its thorn! Yes it does!" Oh how I love a
good Guns N' Roses tune every now and then. People may compare Axel Rose to Brett
Michaels, but lets be honest, there's no comparison. I love singing in the car. It's the only
place where people won't look at you funny or tell you to shut up. It's just you and the
"Wow. Am I ever going to catch a green light?" I thought to myself. I was in my
1999 GMC Safari van, hot right, on my way to meet Lizzie at Subway before
astronomy club. Now you may think "Wow. Astronomy club, he's cool." Well I'd like
you all to know that there are some pretty hot babes in astronomy club. Like Agnus
Wellerby, she's smokin' if you get past the hairy mole on her left cheek. There's also
Merna Gilbertson, now that's a babe. Although she sports knee high socks and a granny
sweater she still has a killer body. The best of all of course though is Lizzie Bright.
Nobody has any clue why the heck she's in astronomy club. She has long flowing blonde
hair, big beautiful blue eyes, and doesn't rock the head gear look. That's who I was on
my way to meet.
"Finally I'm here." I said to myself as I parked the car. "Hey Lizzie!" I yelled
with maybe a little bit too much enthusiasm as I walked to the table she was sitting at.
"Well hello there Jon Schmidt How are you?" she replied with that beautiful grin
"I'm good. How about you?" I asked in a dorky, nervous voice.
"I'm fine thanks."
We ate our subs and off we went to astronomy club. Lizzie's mom dropped her
off at subway so she had to ride with me to astronomy club. The car ride to the high
school was rather silent and awkward. We got into the subject of weather within the first
two minutes. Oh well, I was just happy to be in her presence. Once we arrived at the
school we got out of the car and joined the others and the big telescope. We did our thing,
observed stars and planets, talked about stars and planets, and wrote information about
stars and planets. Sounds fun doesn't it? I don't know why, but I like it. The club met
from eight to nine-thirty. It was nine-thirty now and everyone left except Lizzie, Merna,
Agnus, and I. I was so lucky to be there all alone with three hot girls.
"What was that?" Merna screamed. We all turned and saw a large glowing object
crash onto the football field.
"Call 911!" yelped Agnus. I was perfectly content with that plan because frankly,
I was creeped out.
"No way! Are you guys crazy?" asked Lizzie. "Lets go see what the heck it is." I
really didn't want to, but I agreed just because I wanted to impress her.
We all crept quietly over to the football field. There was a huge cloud of glowing
green fog. We saw the silhouettes of two creatures manifest from within the fog. They
were out of the fog and within plain sight, our jaws dropped.
"Now that was not at all what I expected." Agnus said still shocked.
"Are we being punked?" Asked Merna.
We were all incredibly confused. The creatures, the so-called aliens that came out
of the UFO didn't look like aliens at all. The looked like humans, just a little bit shorter,
they had an orange tint to them, and they had a little bit of a scaly look to them.
"Hello earthlings! We've come to warn you of your demise." Warned the boy
"Ok seriously, if you're going to kill us then can you please just do it quick and
painless and without warning so we're not peeing our pants in fear everyday?" asked
Lizzie in an aggravated voice.
"We're not going to kill you. We just said that because it's in our contract." Said
the girl alien.
"Your contract?" I questioned with a confused tone.
"Just go with it." The both answered.
"Whatever, but seriously what's up with you two? You don't have alien like
voices at all. You sound Irish, and has anyone ever told you that you have a strangely
close resemblance to Snooki from Jersey Shore?" I interrogated.
"What is a Snooki?" she wondered. "It sounds like what an infant would call its
pacifier." She stated.
We all busted out in laughter. I'd never thought of that. It totally does sound like a
name a toddler would have for a pacifier, like a binky or some other ridiculous name.
"Mommy where's my Snooki?" I can hear it now. That is great.
"It's not a thing. It's a person, and sadly she's about just as orange as you." Lizzie
replied still giggling.
"Whatever. My name is Olga and his name is Olaf. We've come from the planet
Zordon. We really had no purpose coming here except we heard from another couple of
aliens who did an undercover job here last summer, that the fried pickles were to die for.
Can you point us in the direction of the fried pickle?" She said.
By this point nothing surprised us and we just went with it.
"Peter's Pickle Place is on the corner of 6th and 6th, but I doubt they're open now."
"That's okay, we'll just teleport inside and take the pickles. Nobody will ever
know. Now can you also point us in the direction of a Snooki?" Olaf asked.
"It's not a thing! It's a perso…."
"Just let it be Agnus" I interrupted. "She's in Miami."
"Thank you earthlings, we may meet again, we may not, but it's been a pleasure."
They got into their UFO and flew away. We all stood there, speechless,
"Did that really just…"
"Yep." I replied as I cut of Merna.
Lizzie raced to the telescope. "Oh my god!" She exclaimed. "Guys come here!"
"Oh my god! Is that..." I started.
"Yup!" Lizzie interrupted.
Lizzie had somehow found the planet Zordon on the telescope. We saw Olaf and
Olga and there was a third person with them, Snooki. They kidnapped Snooki!
"Should we call the cops and tell them that Snooki has been abducted?" Merna
"No. We don't need to worry about that. Nobody will miss her, plus our countries
IQ has been raised now!" I replied with maybe a little bit too much glee.
We all just stood there, confused, in awe. Never suspect the expected.