I'm still shaken by the dreams
that tear me away from the last trace of sanity
to which I cling, helpless in those twilight hours
to fight the ghosts that promise me nothing more
than everlasting tears and a cold that will
destroy me from the inside out.
I find betrayal engulfs me in
bitter anger and broken hearts,
bandaged by the hands that with a flick
could destroy everything and leave me
a quivering mass on the floor.
Dry bones broken in a handshake
that threatens and feels something beyond
the acquaintance of manners and good will.
A fleshy heart melting away
under the witness of the ultimate betrayal and still;
invisible demons chase me into a corner
where I collapse a shivering wreck,
destroyed by an imaginary force
which I fear will haunt me unrelentingly.
A disease of the mind that undermines every shred of
love, hope, promise and intellect, the smooth cold fingers
that tighten their grip on me, extracting all happiness and peace
until there is nothing but my darkest corners left,
to which my disease percolates and reminds me
that life is not this, but for how I live is life in hell,
a hell on Earth which gives birth to dream demons,
who bear me away from the light and
hold me accountable for all love and loss in the free world.
I don't think anyone can truly understand how much of a struggle anxiety disorders can be, and even with medication, sometimes it is still not enough to stem the bleed.