I would like to tell you I'm some bad ass. That I have some super power, or skill that makes me special. The most unusual thing about me is my appearance, and it's not that strange. I'm just a five foot eight kid with pale skin and red hair.
I'll bet your thinking that there must be some redeeming trait in me, or some trait that makes me a bad guy. There isn't, and you'll tell yourself because I'm writing this, something interesting happens to me. Well your right something interesting dose happen to me. I die. That's what just happened, and before you can hear my story, you have to hear about my death.
Like I said before there was no redeeming trait that set me apart from eh rest of the world. I wasn't your average teenager though. I was slightly smarter, and much calmer. Though only in the sense that I lacked a temper. This could be meekness or it could have been control. Personally I like to think the latter.
Though I guess I'm just rambling, and you want to get to the point I'm sure. So, I'll tell you what happened.
You've seen or heard about a school shooting at some point or another, right? Of course you have, who hasn't. Well that's how this all starts, a school shooting, my school for that fact. Though it's not quite what you would expect.
I think it was my Rise Seminar class I was setting in when the first screams started. This was quickly followed by gunshots, and utter chaos. The school supposedly has a protocol for this sort of thing, but like a fire at the base of a office building, order died. Most the student body made it out of the school, staff as well. Only four classes in the center of the first floor didn't make it out. Want to take a guess where my Rise Seminar was? Yep, one of those four classes had me and my extra small class in it.
We where dragged into the hallway by a masked man. Yes, a man, not a fellow student. As I said this isn't quite the shooting most people expect. Apparently this was some sort of ransom/political movement. God knows I don't care. Oh, and we'll get to God later.
The point is about sixty of us students and three teachers end up in the hallway hands on our heads guns pointed at us. Now this is where my luck kicks in, and it's not the good kind. These people needed to make demands, but they also needed to avoid getting shot. So they take two hostages, the first one they grab is a girl with blonde pigtails. Than to my horror one of them ordered me to my feet and grabbed me by the throat, gun pointed at my head.
People act as if they care until situations like this arise. I had thought pretty highly of my teacher up until this point, even my very religious class mates in a way. I expected some sort of exclamation about not taking me, not to hurt me. Not a word, just looks. Looks that told me they where glad it wasn't one of them, or their friends. It was me, a nobody.
I was pushed out to the entrance of the school with the girl, all three of the men came out a third had no weapon or hostage, just the phone. They started making their demands and right away the police told them they couldn't negotiate with terrorists. So what do these masked gunmen do. They put a bullet through the girls head. Just a bang and she's dead.
They threaten the police telling them it'll be me next, than they'll move onto the others. For a time the police try and talk with the men, trying to get them to release the hostages. What the masked men don't realize, but I do is the swat team coming up on our left, just out of their sight, but within mine.
At first I wonder why they don't move in, why they don't just put an end to this. Than I realize it, they can't until their cleared, since I'm a hostage. I'm holding them up. I look at the men and to my horror the man with the phone tells the cops he's going to go get another hostage. This is it, I'll die next and they'll kill more people until they get away.
Now that I look back on it I'm an idiot. Those people didn't care if I lived or died, it was just a formality. Even my peers and teachers didn't care about my life, I was just a face and a name. Though I'm sure they'll erect a statue to me someday. Not that I care.
Have you figured it out yet? What the even headed smarter than most little old me did? No? Well to bad. I don't either, all I remember is grabbing the gun in the mans hand, the bang and it was over.
Well sort of, I was in some sort of darkness, but it wasn't nothingness. It was like I had my eyes closed, than they opened, and I nearly died again at what I saw. Me, no correction, my body on the floor brains spewed all over the place. The look on my face grotesque and foreign.
I watch almost in slow motion as the SWAT team moves in shooting two of the masked men and arresting the third. It all passes by like a silent movie, I also watch as the other people are escorted out past my dead body. Not yet even covered, and they won't even look at me. I just died for them and they refuse to look at what I gave. I believe if I could go back and change the situation I would. If I could have simply avoided the whole mess, even if it meant the death of a lot more people. I would have done it without a second thought. Unfortunately I don't get that option, I'm dead.
Eventually my body is covered and wheeled out in an ambulance. Yeah a little late for that don't you think. I follow my body into the ambulance and to the hospital. I watch as my mother has to identify my body, and I watch her practically break from the pain. At least I know someone will miss me. Though I kind of wish she didn't, that she didn't have to suffer.
I watch as the police officer tries to console my mother telling her my death saved man peoples lives. If they only knew. I'm not sure if my mom leaving my body was what did it or what did for that matter. What matters is that at that point I left my body behind, distanced from it.
This is where you religious folk might want to close the book, because I have bad news. There's no such thing as heaven, if there is I got fucked. There is no heaven, there is no seventy-virgins, nada. So if you don't like where this is going close the book and walk away. Otherwise don't bitch, you chose to keep reading.
All right all the whiners and naysayer's are gone. I'm here to tell you there is a heaven like place. Yes, I know I just said there was no heaven, I just felt like doing away with the annoying religious people, because here in a bit they really are going to be upset, and I'd rather them just believe there's straight out no heaven. Hope I didn't destroy someone's faith. None the less I digress.
I found myself before a very big door. By big I mean about four stories tall. If you've ever read Full Metal Alchemist, imagine a Door of Truth. Now imagine your full name written in the center and moments from your life carved into it's surface forming a larger picture of scales. For the rest of you it's a giant stone door and you'll be seeing it one of these days. So you'll know what I'm talking about than.
At the door a man dressed in a matching gray robe stands holding a book. He told me he was destiny and informed me that I was about to be judged. He pointed to the scales and they began to become physical. A giant scale hanging above my head, and it begins to fill with sands. One side black the other white. If you don't get they symbolism you're a nit. Stop reading my book and go away.
What was I saying? Oh, yeah, the scales. Well oddly enough there wasn't that much good or bad in my life. I'm also pretty sure I barely cleared by the good standard. Destiny informed me I got to move on to the next step of my journey.
I had to ask him what would have happened if the black sand won out. He told me he could show me, but at a cost. That sounded to damn scary at the time. I mean I'm dead, the only thing worse than death might be eternal suffering. Or so I thought at the time.