Why is this chapter called 'Ugly Rooster'?
It is because of reasons.
Em: *Passes note during math*
Doc: *Opens note*
Note: UR AN UGLY ROOSTER
Doc: … I think I'll keep this. *Places in pocket*
Doc: *Writing a list of videos for Em to watch* Dearest Second-Ugliest Rooster, [List of videos.] Sincerely, Ugliest Rooster.
Em: *Looks at paper* I'm the second ugliest rooster?! Well, at least YOU'RE the ugliest!
Doc: At least I'm the best looking CHICKEN!
Doc: Hey, Em, have you ever noticed that when you read a book and there's a character with blonde hair and green eyes that character is automatically the sexiest thing on Earth?
Em: Yeah, I've noticed too! I think it's because blue eyes are generic and you get blue-green eyes or whatever, but you don't get pure green eyes.
Doc: And the eyes are always dark green or emerald green or whatever and everyone who sees them are all *Throws arms up* BRETHREN, BRETHREN.
Em: Step back, everyone!
Just before English class, when Shplott was sitting on the table in an undignified manner.
Teacher: Sit on the chair in a ladylike manner.
Shplott: *Crosses legs while still on table*
Teacher: No, sit in a ladylike fashion with your knees together and one ankle crossed over the other. Sophistication.
Em: *Throws self against seat, resembling a blob* Oh yeah! Sophistication!
After the previous incident:
Em: And you know how I did that sophisticated position thing? Yeah, Shplott came up to me and she pointed at me and said, 'What's that?' and I thought she was pointing at my chest so I was thinking, 'What, these?' *Points at chest* *Deep voice* Some call these 'boobies'.
An email to Lea:
I had a dream where I had a lot of pet fish next to my bed and then you turned into a fish too.
Why does my privacy feel abused.
In the hall, practicing for a thing for sport:
Tall: *Playing with a cable* Hey, Doc, read the label here.
Doc: *Reads label* Mini Gender Changer. Huh? *Laughs* ZZZAP!
In which Em lent two dollars to Coco and Coco wanted to pay back:
Coco: Take it! *Hands over coin*
Em: No! You keep it! *Shoves coin back*
Coco: *Gives coin back*
Em: I swear, keep the money! If you try to give it to me again I'll give it back to you and add another dollar just to piss you off!
Em: ...What the hell did I just say?
The fish dream in full, written and sent to a dear friend:
Doc: You know, about a week ago I had this really weird dream where I had a bunch of boxes next to my bed. The boxes were filled with water and there were fish inside them.
Now, there was one particular box which was smaller than the rest, and it had three or four really tiny, pretty fish in them.
I was showing it to a friend (Lea) and I pointed to a particular fish and was talking about how pretty it was (it was silver and had orange/blue marble patterns on it). Around this point my brain informed me that our year level coordinator (whom we call Fish because he looks kind of like a fish and his last name's really similar to the Arabic word for fish) was in the next room, but that didn't really matter.
So anyway, I was talking about how pretty the fish was and how I'd have to move the fish out of the really tiny box to a bigger box, and should probably move all of the fish into one particular box which could fit them all while I was at it. (It did not occur to me to use a tank.) This box was my shoe box which I keep my library receipts in, and I put the receipts aside. I was rambling about this when, shock of shocks, my dear friend turned into a fish identical to the pretty fish and went PLOP! into the little box with the little fish.
And I, completely untroubled by this, resolved to put her into the shoe box too, while I heard my coordinator talking (probably about fish).
And then I woke up.
Tumblr was down for maintenance.
Pebbles: Oh, I forgot. It's October 6th in the US.
Doc: … Ooh. … I was going to stalk your blog. … Now what do I do with my life?
Pebbles: What do we do now?
Doc: I think we have to have … actual lives.
Em out of context:
Em: I'm your mum. Approach me.
Em flipping through a classmate's Fifty Shades copy.
Em: Wow. Wow. *Flipping though* How long have they been going at this for? Literally every page is just some other erotic position...
'How to Survive a Horror Movie', filming in Em's house.
Em: I need a knife. *Casually grabs sizeable butcher knife from table*
Doc: Oh my God, you got the actual sharp one!
Em: *Stares* You're like a two-year-old. *High-pitched voice* Oh my God, you got the actual sharp one!
Don't go upstairs.
Em: Okay, I need to get you some juice. *Opens fridge* there's no juice here. I might need to serve you water. *Goes to cupboard* Here's some juice. *Pulls out Apple and Blackcurrant* You can have this. *Grabs glass* *Attempts to open juice*
Em: *Continues trying to open juice*
Doc: Here. *Attempts to open juice*
Juice: *Casually being stuck*
Em: Awkward moment when I actually do have to serve you water.
(We eventually found some terrible-tasting pineapple juice. I had to have around two glasses.)
Don't trust strangers. The scene was done, and I had to run around.
Doc: *Running down the stairs* AAAAAARRRGGGHHH I ALMOST TRIPPED!
Doc: *Running down front path-thingo* AAAAAARRRGGHHH WHAT WILL THE NEIGHBOURS THINK?!
Em: *Across the street* Now run across the road again. Make your arms flail.
Doc: ... *Gets into position* AAAAARRRGGHHH! *Runs and screams*
Em: Now you have to throw this paper at me. *Hands over scrunched-up paper*
Doc: *Takes paper* *Begins filming* *Throws paper* *Misses* (Repeat process approx. 25 times)
Em: I swear, Doc, one more goddamned time... *Throws paper back*
Doc: *Throws paper* *Misses* (Repeat process approx. 10 times)
Em: You know what, come closer.
Doc: *Stands one meter away* *Throws* Misses* (Repeat approx. 5 times) *Hits Em in the head* YES!
Em: Great! Now do it again.
Doc: ... You did not just say that, did you?
Handsome Renderings, in which Em and Doc made a series of Naruto stick figures and had to guess who they were.
Em: *Drawing hair* *Rubs out hair* *Traces over hair* *Rubs it out* *Traces over* *Rubs it out* *Traces over*
Doc: Simply beautiful, Em.
In IT, when we should've been drawing storyboards but were working on the handsome renderings.
Teacher: Can I look at this for a moment?
Teacher: *Takes paper* *Holds it up in front of class*
Em: Oh, sh*t! No, sir, give it back!
Teacher: Now, I want to see some work done like this.
Also for the film, involving a fake bird falling dead from the sky (balcony).
Em: Hey, Shplott, do you have a fake bird?
Shplott: Yeah, I have a papier-mache one we made last year.
Doc: Excellent. Can we drop it from a great height? Can we drop if from a balcony?
Shplott: … Why?
Em and Doc: *Glance at each other*
Oh, and Em wants you all to interpret my fish dream, if you so wish to review.
I don't think I've used the cookie bribe in a while.
[INSERT COOKIE BRIBE HERE].