I'm sinking into a remissive state

Nothing feels right

Nothing registers

I hate my words

My hands producing them

Everything sounds so profound when I don't say it

I'm so cold

That'll never change

I'm a broken blistered bleeding person who can only ever truly be home when lying upon the ground, amongst the dirt and insects

The worms

The spiders

I'm not really here

Just floating, floating, waiting for super nova, wishing for super nova

Pain is my castle and I build my walls swiftly so as to let no one in

No one

I want so badly to stop, to think, to see

I can't see anything but the black I cause, I protrude

It seeps and It sings out of my mouth, my pen, my flesh

I don't deserve what I want

I don't deserve to want it

I know that

I'm a fool

A selfish, stupid fool with her head in the clouds

Can real love survive without pain?

Can I survive without love?

Can I cut my heart out and stop it's infernal bleeding?

Can I for once just do what I want?

For me. The piano is crying isn't it?

He's terrified isn't he

Poor thing, I don't mean to hurt him

My words are such pathetic, groundless things with no real hope for meaning anything to anyone

He won't stop

He makes me want to cry with him

Cry my words to him

But nothing I can say will ever halt tears

Just make them

For myself and for others

For myself

Selfishly, keeping all this around

I try to fool them

Only a few can see through me

And I can dissuade them easily


Just look at me now, keeping my tears in check for the piano

He can never know how much hurt I have

He can never come inside the walls

Never again