10.15.10. 11:26 PM

Sometimes I feel cold, dead inside, as if I was made to withstand anything that comes my way. But the problem with that is when you're frozen, you break easier.

10.22.10. 9:27 PM

My entire body itches. There's this nervous energy building up inside me and I'm fighting it. Fighting the urge to punch something, glass shattering against my bare hands, except this hurts even worse because it's tormenting me and I don't know how much longer I can stand it. Help me, somebody, please.

10.27.10. 5:07 AM

I hate this. I want to feel some sort of consistency, balance, because by the time everybody else has gotten their eight hours of sleep, I'm so tired it makes me sick to my stomach. It's a struggle getting out of bed in the morning, but if I don't this cycle might never end.

11.03.10. 7:37 PM

Feeling sluggish. Fortunately, there is so much I am accomplishing, it almost doesn't matter. Good day today.

11.25.10. 2:17 AM

Usually my body feels as if it's in nonstop motion, but I'm able to get eight hours of sleep. Now that I'm completely calm, instead of fighting to stay awake, I have the exact opposite problem. I can't fall asleep.

11.28.10. 10:31 PM

I want to say this is a miracle drug. Unfortunately, the minute I believe that, it won't be true. Everybody expects so much more from me now that I'm "stable". What if I let them down again? What if I can only be my personal best with the medication and they have to adjust and re-adjust it for the rest of my life? Wouldn't that be, I dunno, pathetic?

11.30.10. 4:25 AM

I wish time would fast-forward to 3 o'clock. I'm so excited I can't sleep. That's what the Concerta does; it glosses over the symptoms so that they're barely there, but it doesn't get rid of them completely. Because I feel them. God, do I ever.