The 8 Reasons Why I Keep Breathing

1) Mother says there is a bag of sour cream and onion chips in the cupboard that I can have if I finish my Literature Assignment.

2) I just bought a new colour of nail polish and when I put it on, it made my fingers look much less sausage-like than normal.

3) I finished Driver's Ed and my brains did not melt out my nose, as I suspected they would.

4) Father's mistress ran into her own sliding glass door.

5) She now needs to wear one of those metal casts on her face. Enough said.

6) Dylan says that he'll sell me his Honda Civic if I promise to set him up on a date with Lucy.

7) That pimple I suspected was going to take over my entire face only decided to occupy the right corner of my nose.

8) They've got me on a new oxygen machine, which is much more portable, you know.

A/N: This is just the prologue... not sure if I should continue! Please R&R if you're interested :)