Chapter One

Before I died, I remember being home, sitting with Mum. I remember her stirring her coffee with a small silver spoon between sips. I remember the distinct sweet vanilla smell and wanting some of my own. I could never forget it. It was such a nice memory of us; I didn't dare myself to forget. I even remembered what was on TV and what we turned it to, what we talked about and what we avoided talking about, what she wore and what I wore. The smell of her raspberry perfume filling up the whole living room will never leave me, its scent too fresh to want to disregard because it had Mum's name all over it.

I wish I told her I loved her more often.

When you die, it's a very difficult transaction. If I wasn't already dead, I think I would commit suicide in the middle of it. However, at least you don't feel. That's a living thing. I suppose it's something to miss, since it's a reminder that you are alive. Anything that would hurt--physically or emotionally--is only for Lifers. All we have is memories, but I still think dying is very painful.

I guess I can say it started with Noel Lockwood, my best friend, my boyfriend, my murderer. He was very special to me. I mean, he killed me and that's something to be upset about, but we were in love once. Pure, genuine, young love. I think that's what got out of hand, the love part. Obsession, actually, which he had confused with love. Nevertheless, he was my first boyfriend and he meant so much to me.

Sometimes, I try remembering. It's fairly easy to remember everything once you're dead. Memories are very important to Deadlies. You start to remember things from when you were two, simple things you did in kindergarten--stuff Lifers forget by the time they hit sixteen. I could name all of my teachers I've ever had and the little routines they loved to do throughout the day. I could even remember each and every assignment I've ever done. Although, the only thing I insisted and enjoyed recalling is meeting Noel and how it all started. I enjoyed it so much because it was the one time I felt lucky.

I like to start with me and Mum, sitting on that bright red couch that she loved and I loathed. The coffee in her mug smelled extremely delicious that night. I never drank coffee, but I'd take a sip of Mum's once in awhile. She pretended not to like sharing, but I knew she did. The news was on, making sure we noticed its volume. It was a routine we did. Watch the news first, for a few minutes, then change it to something else. Although, there was nothing else on that night and we were tired of searching. She set her cup down slowly and ran her fingers through my red hair, another thing she loved so much. Red was her favorite color.

"We should think of other things to do on Friday nights," she smiled. I felt her fingers run through my locks effortlessly. I closed my eyes and laid my head against her. "It's surprising that you rather hang out with your mum. Don't you have friends who throw parties?"

I shook my head. "I don't have any friends," I lied, trying to hide a smirk.

Mum put her feet up on the coffee table as I opened my eyes with a grin. Her feet were warmly covered in bright pink socks. My smirk widened as wiggled her toes, reminding of how much of a child she acted. "Oh, really?"

I nodded, smiling softly at her. "I'm going to die an old, old, lonely woman, living with bunches of cats. They'll all have names from TV shows and movies."

Mum laughed. It was a soft and pretty chuckle, like a beautiful song. Some days I tried making her laugh just to hear it because of how peaceful it made me feel. "Then who's Peris and Quin?" she asked, referring to my two best friends.

"Some strange kids, I suppose," I answered as I shrugged and we laughed together, our giggles echoing through the house.

Mum picked up her cup and took a drink, then stuck her tongue out in disgust. Her twisted face made me laugh even harder. "Cold coffee is worthless to all mankind," she mumbled. "I'm going to go get more, so get up, kid." I sat up as she said and watched her trot to the kitchen.

Mum was small, only a couple inches shorter than me, and very thin. Sometimes when she was bent a certain way, you could see some of her bones. Her dark chocolate hair was a nicely trimmed bob that bounced with each step she took. She had big green eyes that matched mine, except a little larger. I remember wishing I was small and thin like her as I watched her in the kitchen; cutely petite. I mean, I wasn't huge, but I wasn't a twig, either. I weighed exactly ten pounds more than her.

The phone rang and she picked it up. It was Stone, my step dad, and he was letting Mum know he was on his way from work. Before the call was over, I escaped to my room and went to bed. It was never the same when Stone was around. They hardly talked when I was in the room with them, so I took his calls as warnings to get out of there quickly. I didn't like being in the middle of their silence. Plus, I hated being around him in general, because he was always upset with something--work, home, etc--and it rubbed off on Mum. They were never truly happy around each other anymore, which was depressing.

When I woke up the next day, the sun wasn't out. A true omen, if I had paid attention then. The sky was gray and gloomy, making it hard to even want to open my eyes. I did, though. I wasn't the type who skipped school because the sky was a discouraging color that morning.

I quickly got ready to meet Mum in the kitchen for breakfast. She never made French toast and eggs or waffles and hash browns that mums are usually expected to do, but I still loved eating a bowl of cereal with her. We had morning conversations that I truly enjoyed, even if they were pointless. However, when I reached the bottom of the stairs, I saw Stone and Mum sitting at the table. For a second, I was too confused to move. I stood at the bottom of the stairs, staring at Mum and her husband, just talking. A normal thing for couples, right? That's the thing, they weren't a normal couple. They didn't sit at the table to talk or eat breakfast together. They didn't wait for me to wish me a good day at school together. They didn't do anything together anymore. Stone usually is asleep or getting ready to go to work early by morning, so my confusion was not random.

"Morning, kiddo," Stone greeted. He had a raspy, hoarse voice; I figured it was because he wasn't full awake. I didn't like his voice--despised it, actually. It made me cringe some days. "You're dressed early."

I shrugged, zipping up my solid gray sweater. The weather was cooling down as the year rolled into December, my favorite time of the season, so thicker sweaters were best. "I'm always up at this time," I answered.

Stone tried to make a smile, but it didn't work much. I could tell he was faking as it turned out to be mostly a forced grin. "Your mom and I were just talking." As if that wasn't obvious, I remember thinking. He looked back at Mum, taking her hand in his. "We're planning on having a baby."

I didn't want to care, nor did I feel like it. "Oh, congrats," was all I could mumble. I picked up my backpack off of the island as I thought about it more. Repeating his last sentence in my head. The disgust, which would have shown on my face if it wasn't so early in the morning, was boiling beneath my skin, growing warmer as it succumbed me. It covered my whole body, giving me chills and making me feel hot, like I was suddenly claustrophobic. I couldn't look at Mum, merely because I couldn't understand. What did she think she was going to accomplish with a newborn?

I grabbed a granola bar and walked out the door.

Quin was waiting for me at Starbuck. She was always there early, reading a long novel will drinking her usual cappuccino. She liked being alone before I met up with her many moments later. When I arrived, she had already ordered, of course, and was sitting at one of the tables outside. She wore a thin black and gray cardigan--a bad idea, I figured, as I saw her keeping her arms folded compactly--with light denim jeans tucked into her black Uggs. Her blonde hair was tied into a firm ponytail, which looked nearly painful by how tight it was. After she saw me, she immediately jumped up to greet me with a hug, her arms wrapping around my shoulders. Quin was always so welcoming.

"You're about twenty minutes early," she pointed out, sitting back down. She gestured me to do the same.

"Stone was there," I replied, not making any effort to hide the annoyance in my voice. "They had some big fucking news to share and couldn't wait until after school. Or after he came home from work. Or after I died." The irony. I rolled my eyes and covered my face.

Quin gasped with excitement. "What news? I love news!" Her voice was thrilled, as if she thought I was talking about something fun for the both of us.

I shook my head, sighing. "They want to have a baby."

"Oh! How fun. Are you happy you'll be having a baby brother or sister?"

"No Quin. I don't want any sibling from him. Then he'll really become family."

"He is family, Ev," she chuckled, "you're mum married him, remember?"

I shook my head again and leaned back. "He isn't until they make babies," I told her, trying to hide a giggle with a frown. I knew how silly I sounded, and so did Quin, who didn't hold back a belly laugh. Her laugh was always contagious, making me laugh along with her only seconds later. "But really!" I started, once our laughter died down, "I don't want a brother or sister or any unholy creature from him."

Quin laughed again. "Unholy?" she repeated.

I smiled and nodded. "Yes. He's the devil and his offspring will be unholy. But enough about my demonic step dad and his fiendish future children. Let's start walking to school."

She nodded in agreement and we got up to walk the rest of the way to school. The wind picked up by the time we were halfway there, making me wish I wore a thicker sweater. Quin and I decided to entwine our arms and huddle together as we walked, laughing at how ridiculous we probably looked and making up stories about people passing by. The walk was long, but never seemed too extensive when we had so much to talk about. Boys and gossip were great silence killers.

We got to school a minute late. My excuse: I tripped over a walk and had to limp the rest of the way. Mr. Donahue, surprisingly, believed me and asked if I was alright, then decided it'd be harsh to mark me tardy due to my misfortune. I told him I was fine and went to my seat. Limping, of course, for effect.

Kyri, the strange girl with silver hair, was sitting besides me. Her smirk was painted wide across her face as I sat down. She was awkward, but when she had something to say, she did not hesitate. I didn't dislike her like other students--discriminating against her oddly colored hair--so I didn't mind when she talked to me. I just didn't know what else to say when conversations died down between us.

"That's pretty wicked, Evie," she whispered to me, trying to keep her voice low to avoid interrupting Mr. Donahue. He had began lecturing about the constellations, the usual cue for the class to be quiet. "I mean, that was an obvious lie, but you got away with it."

I smiled, shrugging a bit. "I guess I'm his favorite," I joked, keeping my voice soft.

"You would think so. He's major anal about students being on time."

Then his voice, which was softer than mine and Kyri's put together, slithered gracefully over my shoulders as he said, "That's a good thing to gain, then." I turned around to see who it was, since I could not recognize the voice. It wasn't as rough and grating, nor deep, as some of the other boys, yet it was virile in every way. I liked it very much and was extremely puzzled on who's voice it belonged to.

My face contorted. "Who're you?" I asked, seeming very rude as I saw his face.

I hadn't seen him before, which is a big deal in this town. Cosh Cove was so small that everyone knew everyone else and I certainly did not know him. He looked tall, but I couldn't accurately tell from how he was sitting. His dark auburn hair was long and messy. He ran his fingers through it from the side quickly as he chuckled--a cute habit of his, I presumed. His face was lit up with a charming crooked smile, making his face seem pleasant and welcoming. However, the one feature that really made me flush was his crystal gray eyes. They were gorgeous, nearly as big as Mum's, and almost blocked out by thick eyelashes. I was instantly in love with them.

"I'm Noel," he answered, "I'm new." He smiled brightly, holding his hand out for me to shake it. I did. It was firm but delicate and I couldn't hide how surprised I was to see someone like him; someone new. Cosh Cove hardly ever received new students.

Since everyone in this town grew up with each other, there weren't many crushes around. I had one once, I remember it perfectly (clearly, since I'm dead). It was second grade and his name was Ro. We weren't in the same classroom, so I only saw him during recess, causing me to act creepier than a usual kid because I supposedly missed him. I loved his blonde corkscrew curls and the way he stuttered every time he said words like scissors or stress. I would plan out our wedding in my head and pretend we had kids--my stuff animals loved that. He would try to scare me away with caterpillars or worms, but it only made me like him more, because he was just as creepy as me. I was simply an inane seven year old.

"I'm Everleigh," I replied, realizing that I haven't said anything. "Nice to meet you."

Kyri waved and began to mess with her pink and black polka dotted headband. "Kyri here," she announced.

Noel nodded in her direction before she smiled once more and turned around. I don't know why I didn't do the same, why I waited. I kept my body facing him for a second too long and was starting to feel embarrassed. What else was he going to say? What else was I going to say? There was a moment of hush, making me wonder how dumb I truly looked, sitting there, facing him. I began to turn around, almost embarrassed.

A few seconds after plugging myself back into Mr. Donahue's lecture (I notice now how obnoxiously long it was getting), I felt something touch my hair. I didn't want to make the mistake of thinking it was him, so I didn't move, but it was becoming too much. A little tugging and pulling now; it was getting hard to ignore. When I spun around to face him, he was grinning. A full on, huge and crooked grin. My eyes flickered to his fingers, which had strands of my hair between his fingertips. The perplexity from the second I first saw him was back, covering my face like paint.

" . . . What are you doing?" I asked, trying to keep my voice faint.

Noel shrugged, pinching the tips of my red hair between his thumb and index finger. He looked down as he did this, which made me more interested in what he was thinking for some reason. "I like your long hair," he told me before looking up, "It reminds me of my Oma in Germany."

"Ich liebe Duetschland!" I said, enthusiastically, my voice a bit louder. Mr. Donahue paused but ignored the interruption and Kyri chuckled for a second in my direction. Then, lowering my voice, I added, "My uncle lives there with his wife, so I visit all the time."

He smiled. The cute smile that was clearly the hook and bait to all of this. "Something in common," he whispered, letting go of my hair before sliding his hands into his own. I watched his eyes flash to the teacher before I turned around in my chair. I was beginning to have a small crush on him and it was a feeling I missed since second grade.

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