Chapter 1

Just sayin


I kissed him on the neck and a sigh escaped his lips. On the surface he looked as nervous as I felt but I did not let him see it. As I pulled away from him his hand reached out and grabbed my wrist.

"What is wrong? I asked

"Nothing I just don't want to see you go" He Replied

Present Day.


"Let me get this straight…you turned down another date with this guy? asked Sarah

"Well yes that is why I said ' Joey asked me out again and I said no.'" I replied annoyed


"Because the guy creeps me out.

'Is it that bad or are you just scared?

'It is just that bad….Besides he lives in my building and it seems that every time I leave my apartment he

is leaving his and then he finds the most mundane things to talk about and I am stuck there listening to him before I can think of an escape to leave.

"Well maybe if you jus went out with-

"NO! Besides I am not attracted to him and doesn't that sort of matter.

"Not always….

I laughed at this because of course Sarah would believe that a date with an unattractive person wouldn't matter as long as he had money…. Which by the way is not my style. Apparently she does not understand that Joey (the guy who is kinda stalking me) freaks me out and I am thinking about breaking my lease to move out of my apartment to get away from him.

"Well Maddy if you don't start dating then you will probably be alone forever…

'Ugh! That is not true and I have dated it's just that nothing has ever been quite right with those guys….it's like I only attract weirdo's like Joey."

"Well maybe if you would only put out-

"Ok this conversation is over Sarah

I" am only saying that if you would just , you know not make such a big deal about sex before marriage one of those "dates" could develop into a healthy relationship.

"Bye Sarah

"Hey I am just saying-

"I know what you are saying but I am not going to compromise myself just for a boyfriend…

"Its not a compromise….its just…

"Bye Sarah I said again

"Ok whatever bye but just remember when Mr. Right comes along and he wants some love just remember what I told you.

I laughed again while I hung up my phone. Sarah always had a point when it came to relationships and even though I didn't agree with them all the time they still made sense. But no matter how much they made sense I still had to have faith that some guy out there was going to be willing to wait for me.


'Where is she?' I thought to myself . It seemed that every morning I waited for her she seemed to arrive later and later. But of course that was not true it was just that my anticipation for her grew and grew. It has been now 3 ½ weeks that I wait to stare at the girl who leaves the apartment building that I deliver mail to. And everyday for the past 3 ½ weeks like clock work she leaves her apartment the same time that I am delivering mail in to the mailboxes of her building. I know it sounds like I am a stalker it is just that I have never been the most social person in the world and in most cases like now my shy and nervousness work against me. And I still don't have the courage to go talk to her.

As soon as I heard her close the front door of her apartment my palms got sweaty and my throat became dry. Today she seemed more beautiful as she did yesterday. The object of my crush was wearing red and black scrubs (which I assumed was because she works in a hospital). Her hair was twisted and pulled back into a bun and she had black sneakers on. This morning and every other morning that I watched her I always noted what she was wearing. But this morning was a little different…this time she was smiling and walking toward me. My heart started beating and my mind went blank as soon as she approached me.

"Hi can I Have my mail please?"

Say something you idiot!!!! I thought to myself

Here she was right in front of me and I couldn't even remember how to talk.

"Ummmm uhh what's your name?" I manage to stutter out\

''Madison Freeman I live in apartment number 25C."

Madison Freeman ….name of a beautiful woman….That's what I wanted to say but I could never be that smooth and I would only end up stuttering it out.

So as I fumbled through the mail I tried not to pass out right in front of her.

"Um Madison Freeman…..ok here we go." I said as I handed her a package.

"Thanks sooo much" she smiled at me " I usually wait until I get home from work to get my mail but I have been looking forward for this for weeks"

"Oh well glad that I could help" I replied as I stared at her mouth….God she had the most beautiful lips in the entire world. And the most beautiful deep chocolate colored skin I have ever seen.

As she turned to leave I wanted nothing more to ask her out but it seemed out of place since this was the first time we have ever spoken.

Gosh it seemed like every time I had a crush on a woman it always seemed like they were always out of my reach. Madison was by far the most beautiful black woman that I have ever seen . But like most black women she probably wasn't interested in dating a white guy…especially one who delivered her mail.


"Well what does she look like? My friend Carl asked

"She is about 5'3 she has brown eyes dark brown hair and a little gap in her teeth.

"Noooo like do she got body? Like is she fat, skinny or if she got big titties or a big ass?

"Seriously Carl.?


"Well she has big breast and a nice but and she is…..curvy.

"Curvy or fat?


"Well your perception of curvy is my definition of fat.

I shrugged this comment off because Carl has always thought that me liking all women of different shapes was a fetish of some sort. I just saw it is as non discrimination.

"Well what else can you tell me about her.''

"She is black..''

''Whaaaat really? Well in that case she is really not your type."

"Why because I am white?''

"No because you are White AND a nerd.''

"That doesn't mean anything'

"Yes it does because there is nothing you two would have in common. Like for instance you like to watch movies and work out and read and all the other boring things and she is probably the type of black girl who like to party and be loud and hang out with her friends."

" That's stereotyping"

"No that's life. And you told me earlier she looks and acts kinda of sassy.'

"Yeah but that doesn't mean she is a stereotypical black girl…"

"I am just saying that the chances are she probably is.."