i've always been jealous of ines

reason 1: she's had sex with jon

reason 2: she's skinnier than me

when i told jon reason 2, he rolled his
eyes and said "she cheated."

apparently, her incredible weight
loss is because of the lines of
snowy white powder that go up
her nose during lunch

not that that makes me feel any
better about reason 1

it does soften the blow, however,
and leave my ego reasonably intact