Written Words

Most people in elementary school play kickball, play outside, or interact with others to change and to be accepted. I wasn't accepted. Even the very few friends I had weren't sure most of the time if they wanted to be my friend. My emotional problems were uncontrolled. I kicked people, screamed at people, and as a result, I was made fun of because of my short temper and curly hair. Being young and an outcast, I didn't have a clue how to change myself.

Then I learned to write.

I had always made up stories and dreams without endings. My imagination never ceased to stop. My mom's favorite example of that is my "other" family.

"You used to always say your 'other' family was so much better than ours," she'll tease, "Then, I have no idea why, you bawled that they were taking a walk in the woods and died! We tried to reassure you that you could just imagine them alive, but you refused! You cried your heart out for a week."

However, it was Mrs. Pounds who inspired me to write. As a second grade teacher, she had my class and I write book reports. I was reading one of the "Magic Tree House" books, and I was hooked. I read every single book in my bookshelf, the rest of the "Magic Tree House" books, the "Secrets of Droon", "Clue Jr.", "The Chet Gecko Mysteries", and many more fiction books that allowed me to escape reality. I didn't really begin to change until "The Orchard of Songs and The Forest of Sorrow: The Story of Tobus McHahn".That's my first story I created.

The day that the first real change began, I was laying on my bed. My sister had retold me the story of the Lemp Mansion and its tragic past, when a couple sentences slipped into my head.

"A boy about 6 years old was sitting in his bed wide awake. He had curly brown hair, light freckles, and brown eyes. He was a pretty normal looking kid, only Tobus McHahn wasn't any normal boy. Tobus could see things others couldn't, like passageways others couldn't find. And misty lookin' things. Dad said they were 'ghosts'," my imagination began. I jumped to my chair at the computer, opened Microsoft Word, and Tobus McHahn was created.

Tobus was 16 and was a pessamistic teenager. He could see ghosts and secret passageways, like I had always wanted to. One day, with a ghost named Shawna, he time traveled back to the Old West. Tobus found himself in situations that I thought up, and I found myself learning from his mistakes. I started calling him To. Once, I became angry at my sister when she pronouced his name and nickname "Too-BUS" and "Too" instead of "TOE-biss" and "Toe". Tobus had become a part of me, and it was like she was mispronoucning my name.

It became like that with my later creations too. I had fallen in love with my main characters. The spoiled brat Marisa from "The Zodiacs", the tought, street smart Emilia Centella from "Elements Collide", the logical spy Circe from "WWD", the tomboy with immense strength Mly-Mly from "Jamin", the sweetheart "crazy" Alexandra from "Insanity", the unsuspecting Angel Fairy Shreya from "Fairy Tales and Nightmares", the unsure teenager Gary from "Alias", the confident, rush-into-everything Jayla from "J.E.T.", the egotistical Ryan from "Essence Surrvives", and the calm, collected Dark Angel Shamira from "Innocentius". There was always a character in my stories that I wanted to be like and, slowly, I became them. An epiphany occured to me as I grew up that I didn't wanted to be the illogical tomboy with a big heart that rushed into things. I wanted to be a leader, calm, collected, clear minded, mature, and with a huge, forgiving heart. I do not know if I am becoming like Shamira, Andrea ("Fairy Tales and Nightmares"), or the older version of Emilia Centella in "Essense Surrvives". They are my role models, though. I want to be them.

" I escaped to my closet and took out a box. I opened the box to reveal hundreds of notebooks. Dr. Milakvic, to my guilt, does not know about them. I know he means well, but he does not approve of the notebooks. He believes they will promote my insanity. Crazy as it sounds, I feel more calmed when I draw," admits Alexandra sheepishly. In that way, Alexandra and I are alike. Except for being calm and escaping reality through drawings, I paint through words. A person who I knew in elementary school would admit that I am a lot different than from what I was back then. As long as there are words, I will continue to make words come to life and never cease to change.