The Suicide Note

I will kill myself,
because you won't leave me alone.
movies depress me,
games are lonely,
and you keep me up at night.
But my mother is sick these days.
Perhaps after her affairs are in order.

Hanging is painful, but I wouldn't know
when you can't ask a dead man about his pain.
But it hurts now when I see you smile
at my replacement.
It's hard to breathe, when you walk into his room
and close his door.
But my brother is getting married
and I promised to be there next summer.

Sticking my head in an oven would be better,
hanging without the rope.
It's your fault for leaving me,
even if I lied to you,
about smoking,
and sleeping,
and work,
but never trust, devotion, and love.
I still have bills and college debts though,
so maybe I should at least pay those.

I could drown myself
in a tub or pool.
A few minutes of pain
instead of a lifetime to recover.
My chest tightens just thinking about you
telling me to be happy with someone else.
It's so tight
there will never be enough room there
for you and someone else.
But my Dad lost a son to drowning already,
so I should wait until his affairs are in order.

A gun would do nicely,
though a bit messy
it would be instant and least painful.
But what if they follow me,
from this world to the next,
my love for you,
my memories of you,
my trust in you,
my sorrow from you,
an eternity with someone who doesn't love me anymore.

On second thought, it's best to wait,
until I get my affairs in order too.