Author's Note: Looking back at The Boyfriend List series, I'm slightly embarrassed and rather humored. What was I thinking? We're in much need of a serious update!


I left off with The Boyfriend List: Part Three where I confessed I was still not over Danny. This was nearing the end of my freshman year of college and as stated, I had class with Danny. Once the year came to a close, Danny would come to be nothing but a mere memory.

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Nick Chapman jumps back in the picture repeatedly over the series and sure enough, here comes Nick again. A new Nick that I had never met before. Although he was still with HER, Nick couldn't deny that he was nearly 3 years deep in his biggest mistake. I still believed that one day Nick and I would be together again, but I kept my distance, unattached and emotionless. I watched as Nick fell, ready to catch him.

I moved away for the summer to work at Cedar Point Amusement Park, maybe an hour away from home. Nick took my absence as, I'm not sure actually. He unattached himself from me and went back to his barely content life with her. Thus why I kept myself at a distance, I knew this newly founded Nick was too good to be true. Shame on you, your not fooling me this time.

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Meanwhile, I would spend my month of employment at Cedar Point with a boy named Phillip. In as few words as possible, Phillip was awkward, but sweet, and fairly attractive. He was falling for me harder than I had imagined while he was getting on my nerves rather fast. When I left Cedar Point, I had to make it clear. There's you and me, there is no us. End of story.

-

I was determined to live it up. Who knew I would be stopped in my tracks before I had really even gotten started. Meet Cody.

Cody Thomas. Make it clear, this is NOT the same Cody from the beginning.

I was working the concession stand for a softball game in my hometown when a gorgeous (and I use that term loosely, ha) boy comes up. I worked my magic. I flirted harmlessly as everyone reassured me that he was "just a baby" (age wise). Give me a break, I'm 19. He's only a year younger.

One true life lesson I've learned up to this point, younger doesn't necessarily mean they're easier to train. I need an OLDER, more mature, MAN.

I got his number, talked all night, decided to double date the next night. FF. We've been dating for a month. I spent 98% of my time with Cody. I admit it, this is the first time I've truly been in love since Nick. For the first time since I met Nick, he was completely forgotten.

A mental note: I still have no idea was LOVE is.

Around our one month anniversary, my mother passed away. I give Cody unbelievable credit for growing a pair and sticking with me through all this. This was just the beginning of an inevitable downhill spiral for us. I grew cold from losing my mom. The depression was overwhelming. I became bitchy, irritable, emotionless. I don't want to believe that Cody stuck around just for the money that my mother left me, but part of me cannot deny the evidence. Cody became too comfortable with it. I paid for everything. EVERYTHING. You name it.

Once everything with my mom's business was handled, I decided there wasn't much of a reason to stay in Ohio, so we packed up and moved to Kentucky. We're nearly 5 months into the relationship now. Once we were settled, I harassed Cody to get a job. I bitched for help around the house. I pushed him to go to school. I did everything for him, like I was his mother. Little things such as this didn't help our roller coaster relationship. I lost most of the feelings I had for Cody. I lived mostly on autopilot. My routine had become all too familiar. I tried to re spark our love, but nothing seemed to help hide Cody's immaturity. I dealt. Around 10 months, we packed up and moved again. Hopefully, this new start would jumpstart whatever was not working for us, but surely life would prove me wrong. If anything, this new start lit a fire under me to finally change the aspects of my life I was unhappy about. I saw the end of us coming nearer. Finally, I said goodbye.

An easy goodbye it seemed to be at first. And for once, I ended a relationship on a good note. We worked together to split our belongings, although remember I paid for EVERYTHING. I found this to be out of the kindness of my heart. I didn't HAVE to give you anything, I hope you know. He was heartbroken, and I was to blame, but so much of me just did not care. He cried to me repeatedly. He hoped to start over. I embraced the empty house with a smile. I was relieved. The good note we ended on quickly turned sour. Cody began adding every female in sight on Facebook. He started drinking heavily. I knew than that I made the right decision. Shame on you, tool.

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It's been 3 months since I left Cody. And I couldn't be happier. Thanks to…

Matthew Gaines -

Matt has helped me learn more about myself and relationships. What I want and don't want from life. He's helped me to live for the moment and let go.

I've worked with Matt for 6 months or so. At first, I would have never even given him the time of day. Over time, a little of my time couldn't hurt. Now, I spend nearly all of my time wrapped up in him. I'm somewhere between forever and never with Matt. I'm hoping for forever. I might just love him, but shh, he doesn't know it yet.

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Now, how's THAT for an update? As always, I'll keep you posted.