"He needs you, you know that. Why do you push him away like this?" Liza pulls my shoulder to make me look her in the eyes.
"Because he has been lying to me for years. I can't trust him any more and if I can't trust him I can't be with him." I pull away from her, anger boiling just under the surface. Jack sits still next to me. Poor guy, having to deal us crazy bunch.
"It can't be that bad. You know you guys can't go on without each other." Liza tries to reason with me but I won't bite.
"How is he?" I grudgingly ask.
"Bad. He's been wandering for a couple of hours before he got here. He's got a fever and lost some blood, but he'll be okay. Nothing I haven't dealt with before."
"That is good." I sigh, curling up back under the blankets. The anger is fading.
"Why are you acting like this? He came to you in his hour of need and you still treat him like shit. It is not the first time he has come here like this." Liza sounds irritated as she tries to pull the blanket off my head. Jacks grip on my hand tightens. I squeeze, hoping that it might give him some comfort for what is to come.
"Do you remember the first time? At our place?" I remember the desperate look in his eyes, the fear of getting rejected.
"Yes. He had cut himself, right?" Something begins to dawn on her.
"Yes. He had cut himself bad and you and Tom had to take care of him because I couldn't deal. I still can't deal." I try to make her see it without seeming like I'm simply accusing Vic of something he promised everybody he wasn't doing.
"So it's about that isn't it? Cutting. The only thing that could drive you two apart, yet pulls you so close together." She sounds disapproving and starts pulling the covers again.
I keep quiet, waiting for realisation to set for her.
"You're making a fight now, because he keeps falling back into the habit. Because he keeps getting lured back into the addiction of hurting himself? After all those years, now you're fighting over it?"
I realise he really had us all fooled. "He never stopped..." I push the covers away, looking her straight in the eyes, this time making sure she understands what I mean. Jacks hand curls into the back hem of my shirt, I can feel him shaking.
"I've seen him clean. I'm sure of that, or he had to use some very odd places to cut." She looks at me confused, like she isn't sure what to think of my sudden change in attitude.
"He didn't just cut. There are more ways of hurting yourself than just cutting. Ways that leave no marks?" I hear Jack gasp behind me, softly tugging on my shirt.
"You're saying he..." I can almost see the light bulb go on in her head. "Has been lying all those times."
"Yes." I sigh, glad that she finally gets what is going on. I reach behind me, taking Jacks hand. His breath hitches and I move so I can hold him. The guy is shaking as he is crying. I pull him close, moving so he is lying across my lap.
"How do you know?" Liza interrupts the silence.
"He told me in a bout of anger. I kept pushing when he was being evasive about his new marks."
"So he never meant to tell anyone about this then?"
"I don't think so. It makes me furious and I don't want to talk to him until I have calmed down myself." The anger in me rises again, making the last words come out slightly rougher than I wanted to.
"So all of this is going on because he has been lying about cutting himself? Vic got so down about you finding out he went to see his ex? What are you guys doing to each other? This is insane." Liza shakes her head as she moves up.
"I know. I'm sorry but I can't just forgive him."
"Well, you gotta have to work around it somehow cause I'm leaving him with you guys. I'm off to see my parents." She leaves the room. Leaving behind Jack and me.
"I'm so sorry you had to hear all this." I lean down and softly kiss Jack on the top of his head. I slowly cover us with a blanket as I move to a more comfortable position, holding the quietly shaken guy in my arms.
"Adam." The soft whisper comes from the bathroom. "Adam." The bathroom is dark but I know where he is, slowly I walk to the spot and kneel next to him.
"What is wrong, babe?" My voice no more than a breeze along his ear. His hands sneak around my back and he pulls me down, burying himself on my lap. I weave my fingers through his hair and slowly scratch his head. His breath hitches and he keeps quiet for a few seconds before he lets out a shaky breath. After a couple of minutes he starts to shake, suppressed emotions taking over, and a soft low whimpering is coming from his lips.
"It's okay babe, you're safe here, we're all safe here." I repeat this soft and slow mantra until he goes back to sleep. Then I pull a blanket from under the sink and cover us up. This is going to be a long night.
I wake up from my light slumber when Vic moves his head. I see it is getting light as the small window illuminates the bathroom. I try to wake Vic, slowly shaking his shoulder, but he grabs my arm as if it were a stuffed toy and won't wake up. Oh, how did we get ourselves into this situation? I thought we had gotten past all these things.
Tom comes into the bathroom, his eyes alert and his body tense. But when he sees us together he calms down.
"Thank god, you're here. I was worried something had happened." He kneels next to us, slowly massaging my legs as I try to move them after sitting in the same position for too long.
"Nothing too bad. He was panicking but otherwise we're safe." I softly brush strands of hair from Vics face with my free arm. He seems so relaxed after last nights breakdown.
"Are you okay?" Tom moves my face up so he can look me in the eye. He looks so tired, I realise we probably both look tired.
"I'm fine, just a bit sore from sitting here." I softly shake Vic again, trying to wake him, but the guy won't budge.
"Let me get him. You should get a couple more hours of sleep." Tom lifts Vic like he weights nothing. Vic lets go of my arm as soon as he realises the bigger toy to cuddle and clamps onto Tom.
"I'm not sleepy. Just worried about him."