but in the end, nothing hurts more than rejection.
the knowing, the not knowing. the spaces between,
those bits of negative space

that haunt my dreams. his fingers lacing through mine,
his lips grazing my ear. the darkness that disappeared
when his voice poured forth from his mouth. the stories,
& the way he trusted me. even when he probably knew
i wasn't trustworthy. i never even thought
of crying a single tear that week. my eyes
were dry. not that i can't still say the same


but now, everything is different.
everything else has gone.

he only exists in my dreams.

his honesty is his downfall. he should have
just lied. he should've led me astray. he should've
done anything but what he did.

he should've let me down. he shouldn't have
let me string myself along, living on the dreams that plague
my sleep: i see him, i hear his voice. i feel his calloused hands
holding mine. i can't escape the prison he put me in,
the cell he locked & the key he took away. all over
him not lying.

be careful what you wish for.
you never know when you're going to get it,
& suddenly wish you could have anything,
anything else in the world, but what you