Sometimes she'll dance, sometimes she'll sing. And not sometimes, but every time someone criticizes her, it will sting.
/./
There are times when she escapes in to her own fairy tale. Her own universe with planets and stars and galaxies. Every once and awhile, there are supernovas. Her one-of-a-kind universe explodes in to dust. She's never surprised because it always shatters in to a million pieces. No matter what she does and how wonderful she is, someone is always there waiting to ruin her mind. Of all the times that a supernova has occurred or a meteor has fell upon her lands, she has survived. But there will always be a little piece of her heart that breaks, because she will never be good enough to please the humans that surround her.
/./
Parents are supposed to be the people that help you grow up to be a good person. Her parents do that one job, but there is always going to be a missing puzzle piece. They don't understand her. They think that she's supposed to be average. Average grades, average college, an average husband with 2.5 kids. That's all that they want her to be.
Average. Plain. Simple.
Ordinary. Not special.
Never special enough.
/./
The truth is that she doesn't want that. She wants a unique life. She wants to be unlike her family. Special in her own damn way. She wants kisses on her nose, eating ice cream while sitting on the ground in the middle of nowhere, waking up her kids in the middle of the night to look for constellations, and wearing ruby red slippers to see if she can find her way home. Phoning home Dorothy style. She wants to find her Aladdin in this messed up world. So maybe ,just maybe, for once in her life she can be Jasmine because Cinderella is overrated. People may thinks she's insane.
But what's insane in their minds will always be perfectly sane in hers.
/./
Sometimes when school is over and she's standing outside near her friends, she is lost in her thoughts. Looking up at the sky, the gravel, faces of unknowns; wondering if they really care. Sure they may talk to her, laugh with her, and actually look at her, but do they only see her crust? Do they only notice the outside layer of who she is? Maybe if they understood they could dig their way to find her mantle. And maybe if they cared enough, they could find her core. Everyone around her wonders why she doesn't speak or listen or tolerate.
Maybe it's because she knows you don't care, so why should she?
/./
She is a sinner. Of course everyone is, but she can feel the sin. She is wrathful and angry and pissed because no one cares. No one stops to ask her if she's okay. No one bothers with her. She has her reasons to be angry. She is envious because she has nothing. No fortune and no good looks and no brain that can solve any problem and no talent. The girl who looks at rich, spoiled people with tons of money and thinks that they don't deserve that money. The girl who watches all the other girls with the perfect hair and perfect clothes and perfect skin. The girls who get all the guys and she wonders how can a guy love someone who is so fake?
Besides, everyone should know that the object of perfection usually pales in comparison to someone who's real.
/./
How can everyone else be so normal? Women are always thinking about nail polish and the mall and clothes. Men are always thinking about video games and sports and girls. Why are their thoughts so average?
Her head is filled with jellyfish. People think that their useless, dumb, and weak. Sometimes she likes to think that she's like a jellyfish. Not because of those reasons, but because they are beautiful, relaxed, and always prepared to attack.
Her head is filled with peacocks. People think that peacocks are gorgeous with their blue and green feathers, but they are a sin. Prideful because they are show offs. And devilish because it's eyes are always following you. Every eye on every feather is watching you. Just looking for the right time to strike and then he pulls you to the dark side. Sometimes she likes to think that the devil is pulling her in.
/./
Her mind is a jigsaw puzzle. Filled with butterflies nailed on to crosses because anything that free deserves to die. Why can't she be free?
Beautiful gems floating in mid air like a spectacular collection that is untouchable; the ordinary, colorless rocks thrown in a corner because no one cares to look at them. Why can't she be spectacular?
Arteries and blood vessels and organs all aligned in a showcase looking as unique as ever. Everyone fascinated by such detail and loveliness. Why can't she be lovely?
Fawns leaping over logs; so innocent and pure and balanced. Why does the fawn have it all?
/./
October is her favorite month. Not too hot and not too cold. Just right for the lovely autumn girl. Other girls prefer summer. How do they like summer? It's too hot and exhausting. Autumn has gentle winds, colorful leaves, soft tears falling from the sky, and it's just gorgeous. But everyone notices summer more.
There are times when she is thinking about him and wonders if he prefers summer or autumn. What if he-who-shall-not-be-named prefers fake over weird? She hopes he's not like every other boy. She hopes that he's Aladdin and she can be Jasmine and they can fly away on the magic carpet together. But she knows that it will never happen because he is too good for her.
And she knows that he really is too good for her.
/./
Her life is a poetry book. A journal filled with forgotten words that were forbidden to the world. No one was supposed to read it, but at the same time, she wanted someone to read it. Just to see if someone cared enough to read and think about all the words on the paper that she wrote.
Maybe then someone would stare at her and wonder is there something wrong with her brain?
/./
She is her own princess in her own land on her own planet in her own galaxy. She is the Jasmine without Aladdin, the planet without a moon, and the lamp with extra lava. The fingernails without polish, the story with no characters, and the bracelet with extra charms.
She is abnormal.
Strange. Exciting.
She's like a drug. Addicting in her own way.
Poison that can't be stopped.
Lifeless and soulless. Shattered.
She is her own mastermind.
/./
She wants the world to remember that she will be dominate in foreign lands. Dare she say victorious. She will be perfectly magnificent, wonderfully unique, carefully molded in to one of the most special minds that God could ever create.
And for some damn reason, she's so freaking proud of herself.