(A/N): Okay, so this is pretty crazy, angsty stuff. I hope you like it. Mentions of self-harm; don't like, don't read! Please read the authors note at the bottom!!! Read, review, ENJOY! =D
I don't exist. Literally, you reading this never happened. It's all in your imagination… damn; you have one fucked up mind if I'm here!
I know I'm not real. I that because whenever I try to reach out - to close the gap between myself and reality - everyone turns away.
I know my actions are extreme, and I know they're stupid. Doesn't change a damn thing. I know what I'm doing, and I even know exactly why, too: for the attention. I could play the innocent bimbo part; plead that everyone is just ignoring me - that I had no choice! But I'm just too guilty to be innocent.
I'm not stupid. I know it's all my fault. I know that, and I don't care. I'm beyond caring - I look out for number one: me. But back to where I was before; I'm doing it all for attention.
Yeah, like you haven't heard that one before: poor, neglected child, bound to a life of mediocrity - the poor soul! Oh, save it. My life is pretty damn good; my parents are middle class and love me, I have friends and good grades… no complaints that can really be made. I have no excuse for being such a self-centered little bitch.
But I am... I don't do what anyone expects.
Yes: there are horrible scars on my arms.
No: there was no makeup, bandages, or clothes covering them for an entire week.
Hell, I even presented them to people all the fucking time.
And no: no one noticed.
It was a freaking prayer: someone - anyone - freaking save me from my masochistic self. Another fucking prayer ignored. The more I tried to force myself onto people - onto him - the more they just shut down. Whatever. Not like they ever really cared. I'm a liability, not an asset - you get used to it.
I know what I'm about to do, and I'm really looking forward to it. I'm not going to be the drama queen who acts like they think no one will care. They will. Yeah, I'm that selfish. It's just another thing that makes me such a sad excuse for a nonexistent person.
So tonight - for the first time in my life - I'll get some relief. Tonight, I'll fade away into nothing. Tonight… I'll come alive.
I wonder if my family and friends will ever know… if they'll ever know who I really was. Maybe I should tell them now, just to see if they'll notice. They probably won't. They're too accepting and too mother fucking loving to hate me like I should be hated.
No… I don't want to besmirch my image. What an image I'll be when the light finds me tomorrow… You know, I've always loved being pale. Maybe when the crimson is gone, I'll be pale. Maybe I'll be pale, and beautiful… peaceful… skinny…
Ha! Like I would ever be beautiful. Well… a girl can always dream
Now I guess I'd better go and sharpen the blade… because God forbid I make a mistake, and everyone's stuck with me for the rest of their lives! It's time for this invisible soul to be set free... at last.
(A/N): Yeah, fucking morbid, right? Hope you loved it. It sure took a hell of a lot out of me to get all these stupid thoughts out on paper. Haha, if you like this crappy angst, I've written tons more, and I'm probably going to upload them all over time.
Tell me, would you rather me upload them each as their own one-shot, or thread them all together? Basically, would you rather me upload them as separate stories, or as chapters into the same story?