I wrote this, not only for myself as a way of venting, but for anyone else who might come across it who self harms or who does not understand but keeps an open mind. If you want to understand, this is what self harm was, and sometimes still is like for me. It keeps me calm when I feel like exploding. It stops me screaming and throwing things and hurting someone when I feel like doing exactly that. It keeps me in control. But please don't get me wrong... it's dangerous. Sooner or later it stops working, and so you have to cut even deeper the next time to get the same effect and the snowball keeps rolling until it starts an avalanche that buries either you, someone you love, or both. Recovery is a long hard road, and sometimes you fall back... you think you're doing alright, but then something happens and you slip up. Don't give up. There's something waiting for you in the future that's worth fighting for, so fight.

Rubies

Trails of rubies soothe the skin
and numb the heart and soul within.
The higher you reach, the harder you fall
and as you fall, the rubies call;
"Come my darling, you are mine
I'll keep you walking the straight line.
Close your eyes, keep it inside,
No one can see the truth you hide.
Come my darling, I'll keep you sane,
I'll take your mind off a stronger pain.
You'll still be broken, but you'll feel whole.
I'll help you play your happy role."
So you breathe out and close your eyes,
believe the rubies' blood red lies.
But as you fall asleep at night,
What rubies hide show in the light.
Tears of diamonds rain down hard
and fall on bodies, charred and scarred.
Trickle on the ruby ground
and flood the land until you drown.
When you wake, the sun shines bright
and ruby lines have turned to white.
But whitened scars can still be seen
to tell the story of this teen.
Crimson sunsets light the land
as ruby drops cling to your hand.
Someday the world will have to see
what rubies do you and me.

Thanks for reading. Keep loving. Keep living.