Dear diary,

Welcome to the boring, dull, non fabulous life of me, a seventeen year old girl. There is nothing really good going on in my life, I mean it's ok but not great. I have a problem and the problem is being overweight.

It all started when I was around seven or eight years old, that's when I started to gain weight and let me tell you it wasn't easy. Besides a few good friends I was teased and picked on.

People enjoyed making fun of me, they found it satisfying. Sort of like some cruel sick joke. Now at seventeen my weight has now reached its limit. See it all started when I went to the doctor a few weeks ago for a physical.

They did the usual, check cholesterol, blood pressure etc. But what was hardest the most for me was the scale. It's something that I try to prolong from happening; it makes me want to disappear.

For most people it's not as bad as I make it out to be but it is. I even made a name for it. It's called Scale of Doom or more or less known as S.O.D. See some people may have no problem with getting on but if you have weight issues like me, then most likely it is.

I hate going to the doctor because when I step on the scale my weight is revealed. It's like I just want to wrap myself in a warm comforter and just be able to hide myself. When I walk to the scale it feels like I'm a prisoner, and it's an agonizing wait until you get your sentence.

It goes more slowly as they check your height first, which makes me feel more on edge. My heart it pounding as I step on the scale. Boom, boom, boom my heart is racing and not in a good way.

My eyes dart at the scale watching the numbers go up and up. Soon it stops and it feels like my heart stops as well. The scale says 214. I weigh two hundred and fourteen pounds at the height of 5'5ft. My eyes had to do a double take. I mean I knew I had gotten big lately but I didn't know I was past the 200pound mark. The only small relief I had was that the doctor didn't go on a long speech at how when your obese, as they like to call it, can cause many health problems.

Trust me it has happened before. The only thing I thought of was at that moment I knew I had to do something. I have to lose weight, I just have to. There is no way I can ever been this big again. I have never been this big, maybe at the 200 point exactly but not the plus fourteen part. I have to lose weight and its going to be challenging.

Since that day at the doctor I was on my way to see my grandmother. My grandmother stood at about 5'6 and she was as thick as they come. She was by no means skinny but she wasn't overly fat either. Despite my grandmother being 68 years old she looked like she was only in her mid forties at most.

Her pale almost white complexion contrasted with my own brown skin as we embraced. It was expected giving her Spanish ancestry along with the mixture of another ethnicity though she couldn't be completely sure because even she doesn't know our full history background on our family. She was a woman whom I loved to death and always would admire.

She was strong independent and fierce when she needed to be. Often at times when we go places people would mistake her for being my mother instead of just my grandmother because she younger than what people would think.

As I stepped out of her embrace the aromas of her home cooked meal filled my senses. Did I mention that my grandmother was a hell of a cook? She cooked fried chicken, macaroni and cheese, collard greens, corn bread, mash potatoes, chocolate cake and homemade ice tea.

Talk about eating good on a Sunday. You know that homemade food I'm talking about. Not just homemade food but grandma's homemade food. She always put love in her whole 'lose weight' thing is going to be hard. She offered me some but before I can reply my father interrupts as he exists from the living room.

He tells her that I'm on the two official words that hate to her...a diet. There's typical dad for you, I mean it's not that he's a bad father it's just that he can be so, so… annoying.

Not to mention embarrassing. When I was little and the family had parties or just invite people over my father would always monitor what I eat. I always had to eat less than other kids and he would mention that I was on a diet and needed to lose weight. Soon I did lose some pounds I think I lost about five and one day I told him so and he said that it wasn't enough.

Needless to say my self esteem went way down, I hit rock bottom. Then I started to eat a lot again and soon I just ate more and more. I love to eat all the time, especially when I'm sad.

It's my place that's my source of comfort. My grandma is very good to me, I know she tries to help, and she tries to encourage me but it doesn't help much. She tells me stuff like "it's just baby fat" or my personal favorite "your big boned". Yeah right, just baby fat my ass. I'm seventeen not two, but I love her anyway at least she is trying.

Mostly everyone on my father's side of the family is skinny or physically fit. The worst part for me was to have to take pictures. That's pretty embarrassing too.

Imagine being next to all of your family and majority of them are small while you're the big one. I'm the one that looks like an elephant, its intimidating no that's not even the right word. The right word would be embarrassing.

It just feels like I messed up the picture, like I'm an outsider. It's like I don't belong, I mean not all of my family is small but compared to me they are. I know my family loves me it's just that it feels like I'm an intruder.

It's like their nothing like me, we look alike in some ways but in others we don't. It's rather depressing really. After staying a while to catch up with my grandma I decided to leave and get fresh air but unluckily living in New York City it wasn't much of it.

Most of it was full of pollution and as I walked through the neighbored of which my grandmother lived in. To most it was considered a ghetto. Although to some degree it is, people in this area have been raised together and act as a family. I walked slowly as I passed the small park where the little kids played in the sprinklers during this heat.

It's summer time and there are plenty of guys in the court playing basketball. There are a lot of guys in New York that in the summer during all the heat waves and playing basketball takes off their shirts and exposed their well toned abs of sexiness or what I would call AOS.

I take my time to admire the guys, not just for their bodies...well partly but some of it was for the agility grace and stamina they all possessed. Sighing I realized that I couldn't probably ever get with any of them.

At least I get to have some eye candy but it still saddens me in some way. I never really gotten to know anyone, I mostly stayed in the background never noticed. Zoning out I never noticed the basketball that was heading my way.

Signed by yours truly,

Angel