That night on the way out of the hospital, Jessie was carrying Harmony since I could exactly hold on to her while I was on these stupid crutches. When we stepped outside I turned toward the right, luckily my apartment building was right next door to the hospital.
"Whoa whoa whoa, where do you think you're going?" Jessie asked grabbing my shoulder to stop me.
"We are going to get my stuff right, and I got to talk to the manager to tell him I'm moving out." I said confused, he should know that I have to do that.
"Already taken care of, Macey did it. And with Zach's help she got all you're your stuff moved into one room and all Harmony's stuff moved into another room." He smiled leading me to his car on the other side of the building. His left arm was wrapped around my waist supporting me as I stumbled still trying to get used to the crutches.
When we got to the car I was already tired. "This is pathetic." I sighed climbing into the front seat of the car.
"What?" he asked.
"We only walked like a couple feet and I'm already tired, it's pathetic." I repeated.
"Considering how much actual sleep you got last night and the fact that this is your first day on crutches, it's normal." He replied snickering at me as I scowled at him.
I hated him knowing my weaknesses 'is this normal?' I thought to myself. 'Am I supposed to be so scared of what I don't know?'
"Did my mom come at all?" I whispered in to the window.
"No." he said sadly, "She didn't show."
He looked over at me, but I just kept on staring out the window, Once again burying the pain.
* * *
When we got to his house, everyone ran outside to greet us, and tried to help us inside. Macey took Harmony; she already acted like Harms aunt. The boys took bags of groceries from the trunk, we had stopped to grab some pain medicine and my prescription the nurse had given me and grabbed a few other things as well. The other girls grabbed my diaper bag and a few other things that I had had or been given in the hospital. Then they all ran back in, leaving Jessie and I alone. He put one hand around my waist helping me up the stairs into the now crazy house.
"I can do it." I said trying to pull away.
He just pulled me closer and tighter to his side. "I know you can." he whispered softly into my ear making me lose my breath once again.
I smiled against my will; I wanted to prove that I could handle myself that he did have to help me I could do it, but the way it felt to have his strong but gentle arms wrapped around me. It felt safe and secure, and well just good all around.
Months passed as a blur, taking Harmony birthday along with them.
I woke up sitting up straight in my bed; my heart was racing my breathing was way faster than normal as I looked quickly around the room. Then I sighed of relief as I saw my room instead of Brandon's face and his dark room. I got up and limped down the stairs and started down the long hallway. Then I felt two hands gently grab my sides and pull me back.
"And what does the beautiful Melody Mardell, think she's doing out of bed at this time of night?" Jessie whispered I could hear the laugh in his voice.
"I couldn't sleep." I answered shortly.
"Come on." He said picking me up and carrying me back up the stairs. He laid me down on my bed and pulled the blankets up to my neck. When he turned around to leave I grabbed his wrist and pulled him down next to me. He snickered as he wrapped his arm around my waist.
"Hey lovebirds!" Zach said in the doorway of my room. I hid under the blankets as my face turned bright red. Zach just laughed then went on. "The rest of us were going shopping, and we wanted to know if we could take Harmony with us?"
I looked out from under the blankets then answered, "of course as long as Macey's going, she should know where her diaper bag is."
"Of course, see ya later." He winked at Jessie then walked away.
"Ugh!" I said through the covers over my face again. Jessie laughed then started tickling me. By the time he stopped we were both laughing so hard we could barely breathe.
"Why do you put up with me?" I whispered looking down at his hand that I was now playing with. We were now sitting in the living room, just talking.
"Why wouldn't I?" he shrugged.
"Because, I'm not perfect you are. It just doesn't work like this." I said still not meeting his gaze.
"I don't care, and I'm far from perfect." He snickered.
"You're retarded if you think you're not. It's pathetic." My voice rose I was mad for some reason, I didn't know why though.
"I'm retarded?!" He nearly shouted.
"Yes, if you actually believe that!!" I screamed back.
"Well I'm not the one who fucked an ass whole like him!" he shouted anger filling his voice with hatred.
"I didn't have sex with him!" I shouted back not even trying to hide the fear and anger that soaked though my voice. I could no longer stop the tears from steaming steadily down my face.
"Yeah, Harmony's strong proof of that!" he laughed harshly back, rolling his beautiful hazel eyes.
"Truly I didn't." I started my voice broke on almost every word that I now whispered. He scowled accusingly at me. "He… he just… I just." I stammered trying to say the words out loud the same words that I had hidden so deep for the past 22 months, when I failed I turned I around and limped out of the room as fast as I could on the stupid crutches. I went up the stairs and into my room and sat on my bed. The tears flooded my vision as I realized that by running away I had probably just made things worst.
I sat there for hours it seemed like, then I heard a light knock on the door I ignored it. I didn't want to see anyone, especially not with all of these tears still streaming down my face.
"Go away." I yelled my voice breaking, but then the door opened.
Jessie stood there for a second before sighing and walking over to sit on the edge of the bed. "I'm so sorry." He whispered. I could feel him messing with my hair.
My face was buried into the pillow, in an attempt to hide the tears.
"Please look at me." He whispered softly. I looked up; I could only guess what he saw. Me pail and crying makeup smeared all over my face, hair in a messy ponytail, in shorter terms I looked like shit. "I'm so, so sorry." He whispered again his voice cracking as he said it.
"It's fine." I responded. I couldn't stop shaking from fear of the haunting memory he had brought back to the surface unintentionally.
"No, no it's not. I had no right to say those things." He sighed pulling me close to him and hugging me tightly to his chest.
We sat there for a couple minutes before he spoke again. "Can I ask you a question though?" he sounded defeated.
I knew what he was going to ask, I almost said no but I didn't want him to get mad again. I was living under his roof with him and his friends supporting me, till I had the cast off and could get on stage without killing myself, it was the least I could do to answer a question…even that one. So I nodded into his chest halfway hoping he would feel it.
"What did you mean by you didn't sleep with him?" he whispered into my hair.
I looked up at him then back down at the bed, I felt ashamed. I wasn't perfect which was what he disserved and I knew that all too well, admitting this was like telling him just one more scar, one more thing that made me even less perfect. "He just… I don't know." I lied, starting to shake again.
"Its fine you don't have to tell me." He whispered holding me tighter.
I pulled away to try to look him in the face, but ended up staring at the bed some more. "No, I do. I refused to have sex with him until we were married, he just got mad and…well unpleasantness." I whispered trying to laugh, to make it funny or at least to try to show that it doesn't bug me anymore, instead it just came out more like a sob. He pulled me back into his chest, holding me tightly there.
"I'm sorry, I didn't know…" he said. There was a new tone to his voice he sounded, well pissed. "He will never come close to you again, okay?" He retorted.
"Yeah." Was all I could manage to whisper.
"I'm sorry." He repeated more smoothly.