The Almond Tree

Riiight. It has been a long while and I apologise. I guess it was a mix of school and other stuff to do?

(Special thank you to EscapingWaterfalls for getting me off my butt.)

Basically, in this fairy tale a woman wishes for a child red as blood and white as snow. You know she's rich because she can't have a child.

There was also an almond tree she was fond of. In nine months she gave birth to a boy (yes, a boy!) and was so overjoyed she died. She was buried under the tree and eventually her husband remarried. The two have a daughter named Marjory.

Mum loved her daughter but wanted all her husband's wealth to go to her, not Son, so she kills him and cooks him in a stew.

The stew is delicious, Marjory is disgusted. She puts her half-brother's bones under the almond tree. He turns into a bird. Marjory's happy and eats her dinner which may or may not include her brother's body.

BirdBoy gets a gold chain, a pair of shoes and a millstone which he SOMEHOW CARRIES AROUND HIS NECK. BirdBoy flies home. Dad comes outside, he gets the gold chain. Marjory gets the shoes. Mum went outside and BirdBoy dropped the millstone on her. She died.

BirdBoy turned back to a boy and the family of three ate dinner, never minding the wife crushed on their doorstep.

Rule 111- Never tell someone where you want to be buried. According to fairy tale tradition there is a 100% chance you will die within a year.

Situation-
Mother:
Oh, what a lovely garden! The sun is shining, the almond tree is blooming and looking quite beautiful today…

Right-
Mother:
It's blooming well and I will not voice my wish of being buried under it.
Later that night
Mother: *Writes in journal wish of being buried under the nice almond tree*

Wrong-
Mother:
When I die I should like to be buried under it.

Disregarding may lead to-
Imminent death.

Rule 112- If possible, negotiate inheritance. This way your family can better avoid the murder of a spouse, sibling or child.

Situation-
Wife:
My daughter will not inherit my husband's fortune because there is an older son, but I want the best for my daughter when my husband dies!

Right-
Wife:
Husband, in the interest of securing your son's life we should probably talk a little about inheritance. My daughter needs financial aid that she knows will not be able to be taken away from her in an instant, and you should probably have her inherit some stuff too.

Wrong-
Wife:
So the only obstacle between my daughter and her fortune is this boy. He has to go.

Disregarding may lead to-
A dead child! A child who is dead because you didn't, or couldn't, negotiate and debate with your husband. Remember, kids, civilised discussion is the way to go.

Rule 113- However fearful you are of your husband finding out you have murdered his son, do not put him in a broth. This is called cannibalism, and is frowned upon in most societies.

Situation-
Wife:
Oh my god, I've just killed my stepson because of my disregard for Rule 112. How should I get rid of the evidence? Make it look like my daughter did it. [To Marjory] Marjory, slap your brother if he doesn't give you the apple.
Marjory: *Slaps stepbrother*
Wife: Marjory! What have you done? You've killed your brother! How will we get out of this?

Right-
Wife:
Give him a decent burial and say it was an accident. After all, it already looks like one if I just say 'I lost my grip on the lid'.

Wrong-
Wife:
Cook him in tonight's dinner! Marjory, not a word from you. This is for your own good. You can have all the fortune that is rightfully yours. Stop crying.

Disregarding may lead to-
Very gross cannibalism and a very, very traumatised small child. Also that one disease you can get from cannibalism.

Rule 114- However beautiful a bird's morbid song may be do not give it a gold chain, pair of shoes or millstone (whichever happens to be at your disposal). Singing will not feed your family and getting rid of a town's millstone is not only distasteful but irresponsible.

Situation-
Bird-boy:
*Beautiful intense singing*
Goldsmith: Oh my gosh, that is beautiful and life-changing.
Shoe maker: Oh my gosh, I feel my soul on fire.
Millstone people: IN MY LIIIIFE, IT HAS BURST LIKE THE MUSIC OF ANGELS THE LIGHT OF THE SUN.

Right-
All:
But you know what, my family and livelihood are more important. Sorry, bird, you will not be getting the gold chain/shoes/millstone because my job is important and I have hungry mouths to fill.

Wrong-
Goldsmith:
Oh my gosh, take this beautiful gold chain.
Shoe maker: Oh my gosh, take these beautiful red shoes.
Millstone people: Oh my gosh, take the town's millstone.

Disregarding may lead to-
At least three hungry families and a town without a millstone to crush its grain.

Rule 115- In the name of decency, should your second wife lay crushed on your doorstep by a well-placed millstone, mourn her. At the very least, do not go back in the house and celebrate the return of a son while eating dinner.

Situation-
Dad:
You're back, my boy! I thought we'd lost you forever! But what's under this millstone?
Marjory: I think it's mum.

Right-
Dad:
My children, a human life has been lost. Though she was a horrible person we should probably mourn her or at least move her body someplace before her burial.

Wrong-
Dad:
Well, who needs her anyway. It's time for celebration!

Disregarding may lead to-
Very, very questionable situations when the neighbours walk past.

Aaaand I hope you all will forgive me for neglecting this.