The Resentful parent's lullaby

Good night sweet child and don't you fear

As you close your eyes tonight

You probably won't get attacked in your sleep

By things that gnaw and bite

Just drift away into a land

Of sugarplums fairies and dew

And don't think too much about monsters and such

Or you'll probably have nightmares too


No don't think about all those strange noises

Like the creaks that you hear by the stairs

Or that thumping you heard in the attic last week

Sounds just like someone's walking up there


Don't think a about Fred (he lives under your bed,)

But he's the best monster around

Just don't make him mad like our last child did

There wasn't even a bone to be found


And don't think about psychos who break into houses

They caught that guy weeks ago

His brother is worse and he's ugly and cursed

And still out there (just thought you should know)


Don't think about witches and ghosties and ghouls

It will only cause you strain

Don't imagine that fish that you killed with neglect

Coming back to devour your brain


Now go to sleep and remember that

Morning will be here soon

And your parents are only a short walk away

I'll be in the other room

But if you do happen to have a bad dream

About bats or the terrible grouch

Don't go to mommy, I'll be sound asleep

Go to daddy, he'll be on the couch.