I am your perfect woman, they'll say
I come programmed that way.
Try me, we absolutely guarantee
That I am worth every single penny.
I have the gentle disposition
Of one who
Forest critters gather 'round.
My voice is like an orgasm in your ears.
You can't look away
From my face
The most beautiful thing you've ever seen.
When I move, I move with grace
My thighs don't wobble
Cellulite does not exist.
My teeth are perfect and blinding white.
The sunlight hits my face just right
My eyes sparkle with sparklyness
My teardrops are like dew.
My lips are plump
My cheeks, apple-red.
My breasts are perky
My waist petite
I never pass gas
My skin is smooth like butter
And I never need to shave.
I can play the clarinet
I designed the font called 'trebuchet'.
No one's dick is bigger than yours
And of course, I'm a virgin
Please take me! Take me now!
I can wait no longer!
I've never come so hard before!
Even my sweat smells sweet.
I can cook and clean like a pro
Who the hell is Martha Stewart?
Besides, you wouldn't fuck her -
I'm pious by day
And a minx by night
All your friends wish that I was theirs
And I wonder how I could ever deserve you
After all, you are too good for me.
Most evenings I'll massage your shoulders
And tell you positive things about you
And all the reasons why I love you and only you
When I kiss you, there'll be fireworks
And all the fairies will clap their hands
Hurray! They'll cry, Hurray! Hurray!
Subservient, but subtly so
So that womens' rights groups
Don't trash your car.
I am so frail, so gentle
You must protect me from
All those wolves out there in the
Wide, wide world.
And yet I know kung fu
I'm like Daphne from Scooby Doo.