The Epic Tale of Two Germans and a Ginger

It all begins with a chair. Specifically the chair that George Clooney builds in Burn After Reading that comes with its own dildo.

Shawn: I told Sable to look forward to future chair romping for her birthday when she gets a brand new fun chair. :-D

Matt: Well that should be delightful. And very cost-effective!

Only 100 dollars for materials, not counting the hours of labor and the cost of the dildo. Those things are expensive.

But oh so useful!

Oh so useful indeed! I bet Sable will be overcome with joy!

Oh she will be "overcome" with something but I don't think it will necessarily be joy if you get my drift ;)

Oh, I do catch your drift sir. I catch it well. I'm sure she will be completely overcome. With orgasmic ecstasy.

THE CHAIR IS NOW DIAMONDS!!! Anything is possible since Sable's birthday is powered by Old Spice! Sable is on a horse ;)

Hellz yes! Her imagination is taking over reality now!

And we all know how dirty her imagination is!

Oh how we know! Already she is unable to contain the dark pleasures of her inner fantasies!

But yet they appear in the dark reaches of her inner thighs!

Seeping out from her whispering eye!

Through the valley of fallen kings.

And the mountains of murdered vixens and whores.

From these sacred mounds we breathe our battle cry and charge into the valley. For fame! For glory!

And for the hours of drinking and sensual love-making that are yet to come!!!

ERE THE SUN RISES!!! And the Horn of Helm Hammerhand shall sound in the deep…one last time.

And so we shall charge across the fields of Pelennor and force open the gates of Minas Tirith before we penetrate the fortress again and again.

And at the dawn of the fifth day we will look to the east and fight with renewed strength and vigor!

Because a wizard is never late nor early, he comes precisely when he means to. ;-D

And the ginger will enjoy this change! All she gets is filthy orcses and those don't taste very nice do they precious?

No, not very tasties at all. Orcses, filthy orcses. Hobbitses is more to its likings.

We must regain the precious. And then we be the master!

Yes! We be the master! Gollum! GOLLUM! We kill the filthy ginger and her kitty friends, and then we takes the precious once they're dead.

Come come ginger. Long ways to go yet. One does not simply walk into Mordor.

But we takes you to the secret stair. No one knows it, they don't use it. There be no orcses here. She'll be waiting.

And then we climb. Up up up the stairs! Into the firey realm of Mordor itself!

With the precious in our handses, it will all be ours for the takings! My precioussss!

And we shall fight the Eye with quick thrusts of our weapons and overcome through sheer force of will!

Up and down up and down in and out in and out. Thrusting and yelling as our weapons slaughter away at the evil eye.

The fight rages on for many days and nights until finally the eye collapses from exhaustion and we stand victorious.

In naught a things but our skivvies. Just as Mr. Frodo and Samwise would have it.

And so ends the epic story of our struggle against the ginger. There and Back Again and Back and Forth and Back and Forth All Over Again.

A Whorey Tale of Sex and Other Things by Samuel L. Jackson and Nicolas Cage.

This tale will be known throughout history.

Across all lands, all time, all space, and all of God's unholy creations.

And it shall resound with all gingers as the story of their great upbringing brought about by the German drama majors.

And there shall be much merriment. And the streets will run red with blood and vodka.

It shall be the greatest celebration in the history of the universe!

And it will go on for 40 days and 40 nights until the world is drowned out from their celebrating.

And those who emerge will be the first of the New World tasked with passing on the legend.

And what a legend it will be! Especially after the taintings and falsities it suffers from generations of ignorance and miscommunication!

These will be weeded out of course and the truth will prevail! For the originators of the story will live forever along with the legend itself!

Touche! I hadn't thought of that. This land will never be rid of the legend! Nor those who were there for its birthing!

It truly is the greatest composition of all time.