Sarah is my best friend. These are some of the reasons why.


Me: "Did you know there's a difference between Hell, Purgatory, and Paradise?"

"Did you know that Pandemonium is the capital of Hell?" – Sarah

Me: "Did you know that 'P' is the capital of Pandemonium?"

"What is the capital of 'P'?!" – Sarah

Me: "What IS 'P', really?"


"Whenever I think of boy scouts I think of rape." – Sarah


"Whenever I think of Tampa I think of tampon." –Sarah


"Especially since you said big fluffy bed, I thought of big fluffy tampon." – Sarah


Randomly at lunch...

"Have you ever projectile vomited?" – Sarah


"Look at what Jakey Wakey made me!" – Sarah, showing a picture that says "I love you" written in the sand.

"And that little hole in the background was MY creation." – Sarah

Me: "…So he made that for you…and you made a hole…"

"I asked if he wanted to sit in it!" – Sarah


Me: "Hitler's death with involve unhappiness and a gas chamber."

"Just stick him in the bathroom with your dad." –Sarah


"When I was younger I used to have a contest to see how many grapes I could stick in my mouth." –Sarah

Me: "With yourself…?"

"YEAH." – Sarah


"Have you ever thought of like, a celebrity or person you thought really attractive, and then you thought of them having diarrhea?" – Sarah


Does anybody else have to deal with this?