Have You Ever Felt This Way?

Now is the time to pray,

I think,

as a warm ripple comes from inside me-

a hummingbird, small and lost in the icy tundra;

its broken wing still beating,

but not for long.

The warm echo begins to fade,

faces popping in and out of view in the sky.

The grey clouds threaten to eat me as their laughing mouths open.

The weak numbness prevails.

Like a snake it weaves up my limbs and delivers its bite.

I am frozen.

Now is the time for prayer;

To cry to someone.


My breath comes in white powder- chalky and cloudy in the frigid air.

I reach out to grab it as it steals away. Save me, my blue lips cry,

because the warmth

is God.

My breath, floating away,

is an angel.

God runs away from me-

out of me,

and the icy hand of Lucifer creeps in,

grabbing the poor hummingbird and squeezing….

And God is fading.

I feel him bleeding out of the cracks in my lips,

in my hands.

His warmth I will never forget.

It trickles, like stinging tears,

down the frost of my flesh,

where it soon congeals and is


into a blossoming crystal-rose.

I want to pray, but all I can think to say is

"God, please don't leave me,"

But in a blink, my heart is crushed and bloody.

It crystallizes,

the ice of it growing up,

out through my rib cage like a jagged spear.

And the last of the divine warmth

is gone.