Jaded

What I feel is anything but normal. No matter how right it may feel at times, I'd still been conditioned to think this way.

I know what I feel—what we feel—is real, every time I look in those familiar green eyes. It's like some sick Romeo & Juliet elegy—destined to be together, torn apart by society's qualms and jaded ideals. Who's to say that two people in love can't be together? The only one who should be the gate-keeper is Death himself, and even he can't keep Love at bay forever. But these people; Self-elected officials, God, my own Mother… they say it's wrong, so it must be. It must not be right to love someone like Colin.

Who he is to me is important, but it's also how society gets its excuse to keep us from each other. I know I love him more than I should, and therein lies the problem.

The need I feel is insatiable. I've tried to ignore it, to satisfy it, this nagging want, this need. But it's not the same. Maybe it's the whole "forbidden fruit" concept. You always want what you can't have. I used to love those romance novels a few years back. You know the ones where the heroine couldn't have the guy she wanted — her parents hate him; he doesn't like her back; he's of a different species and wants to kill her. It seems so exciting and romantic—until you're living it.

Your heart breaks, and is never given time to repair itself. You're forced to look at your mirror image, and know in that same broken heart you can't have him, at least, not in the way you wish. Sure, I could whine and complain—my life's not fair. But it wouldn't fix anything. It wouldn't quench my desire, it wouldn't make my feelings right, and it wouldn't heal my shattered heart.

I just have to keep living for now, and hope that I can hold the fragments of my heart together a few moments longer.