Chapter One

"You're such a fucking asshole!" I cried, grabbing my bags.

"Wait, Alex, wait, I-"

"Don't," I said, my tone deathly quiet. I pushed his hand away and slammed the door behind me.

I buried my face into my hands. I had chosen Tucker because he was different. He wasn't the playboy, the jock, the bad boy - he was Tucker, the band geek who treated girls as if they were goddesses. Not that he was a pushover, because he wasn't. He told me when he disagreed and we had a good amount of fights. But I had always thought that Tucker was the boy I would marry. The kid that you bring home to your parents because he's charming, funny, and smart.

Apparently not.

Seeing him kiss Delaney was like a slap to the face. He was always telling me about the flute girl in his class who was just "oh-so-amazing" but I never took it literally. I wasn't going to be that overly protective girlfriend that didn't let him be friends with other girls. That was just weird.

So whenever he mentioned Delaney, I would respond positively and encourage their friendship.

"She should come out to eat with us sometime," I said, mouthful of takeout erring my words.

Tucker looked thoughtful. "I'm sure she'd love that. She's really nice."

I nodded and looked back to the TV. Sure, I had been a tiny bit jealous. I mean, what kind of girlfriend wouldn't be? It made me wonder if he talked to Delaney about me like that. No girlfriend likes to hear that another girl is "nice" or "funny" or "smart."

My phone buzzed and I looked down. Please, talk to me.

I turned my phone off and tossed it in my purse. I was done talking to Tucker. My mother had told me when I got my first boyfriend: "Once a cheater, always a cheater. If you want commitment from a cheater, what's stopping him from cheating on you again? Sure, if you really loved him you'd forgive him. But if he really loved you, he'd never cheat."

I repeated the mantra in my head as I jogged to my dorm.

"Hey girl!" my roommate, Tanya, greeted. She was browsing the internet but looked up when I opened the door.

"Hi," I said glumly.

"What's wrong?" She scooted out on her chair and looked up at me. Her eyes were big and expressive.

"Tucker cheated on me."

I think Tanya went into shock because her mouth dropped and she was silent for a good thirty seconds. "Your Tucker?" she finally got out. "Your boyfriend, Tucker?"

"Ex-boyfriend," I corrected. I sat on the edge of my bed and played with my nails. "There is no way I'm taking him back. It's a one chance thing with me."

"I can't blame you for that," Tanya said, shaking her head. "I'm just surprised. I thought Tucker was in love with you. Every time I saw that boy, his eyes were on you."

"Tanya," I said, my voice cracking a little. The first, surefire sign of heartbreak. "You should have seen the way he was kissing Delaney."

"When did it happen?"

"Three weeks ago," I muttered.

Her eyes widened. "But - did -"

"I saw it but I wanted to test his truthfulness too," I said. "It happened when I was in the library, looking up resources. I was heading towards the poet section and I hear Tucker's unique laughter. Then I see him with Delaney and I'm like, 'Oh maybe I should go say hi!' But then Delaney puts her hand on his arm and he does absolutely nothing to stop her. Then she's like, 'Tucker, I have to tell you something.' And he kind of stops laughing and looks at her with these serious eyes. And then she says, 'I think I love you.' I think I would have cried right there. Tucker didn't say anything but he kind of just hugged her and then he kissed her. I knew my answer right then."

"That sounds so unlike him," she said, her eyebrows furrowed.

"Maybe he just really likes Delaney," I said. "I'm not really his type."

"Type?" Tanya scoffed. "What the hell does type have to do with it? Alex, you love Tucker. That's all that matters. Who cares if you're the big breasted, blonde girl and he's the scrawny band kid? It really should not matter."

I bit my lip hard. "Maybe he thought I was a joke." My eyes were beginning to water but I blinked furiously. It stopped the tears.

Tanya just shook her head. "Well, then he didn't deserve you. You're wonderful, Alex."

"I came home and pretended like nothing happened," I continued. "Then he comes and he acts totally normal. As if he wasn't just kissing another girl in the library. I ask him how his day was, what happened, anything new go on? And he just smiles and says, 'Oh nothing much. Lot of homework.'"

"Wow," my roommate said. She looked angry now. "Want me to get Greg to beat up that douchebag?" Greg was her awesome boyfriend. He was African American and adorable against her Korean frame. They would make the cutest babies.

"It's fine," I said dismissively. "I'm over it."

She could see that I wasn't but she didn't push it. "Then what happened?"

"Then Delaney shows up at his dorm when we're doing homework the next day. When she sees me, her mouth drops. And then she goes, 'You have a girlfriend?' And he starts stuttering and he's like, 'Well... I ...yes. This is Alex.' Delaney looks like she's going to cry or smack me in the face.

"I said, 'You must be Delaney.' She literally was speechless. Tucker looks at me and asks to have a moment alone with Delaney. I say, 'No prob!' When in reality, I'm wondering how dumb he thinks I am. He probably thought I was just another bimbo. Does he forget I'm attending the same college as him?"

"This is terrible," Tanya said and she looked heartbroken as well. I almost started crying again.

"He must have forgot that the door was not soundproof because he kept telling her that he was sorry, over and over again. Then he said, I quote, 'I'm sorry I never told you. I was going to break up with her anyway.'" I shook my head. "After that, I just grabbed my stuff and left. It looked like he didn't even want a second chance anyway."

"You deserve better," Tanya repeated.

I stood up and looked around my room. Pictures of Tucker and myself were pasted on the walls. "Better get this off." I pulled it off, feeling some sort of euphoria as it left the walls. Tucker and I were done. Boyfriends were a waste of time, I concluded. All it lead to was heartbreak and more effort on your part.

"I'm done with boys," I announced after my room was Tucker-free.

"Well, I'm glad," my roommate said. "Want to come to Starbucks with me and Greg?"

"I think I'll wallow in self pity for the rest of the day," I stated. "I can pretend like everything is okay starting tomorrow."

Tanya smiled, despite the situation. "Are you going to your evening class?"

"Can't avoid him forever," I said dryly.

Tanya nodded and waved goodbye before shutting the door behind her. I, on the other hand, immediately rushed to the bathroom and began to cry.

Every Thursday, I had sat next to Tucker. But this Thursday evening I took a seat closer up front to actually pay attention. Tucker was a boy. In fact, he wasn't even the cutest boy. He got acne and his eyebrows were a little too fuzzy at times, and he smelled weird after he played too much soccer.

I shuddered.

I was not going to lower myself or grovel or even complain. Relationships faded all the time. No matter how perfect you thought it was. I could practically feel Tucker when he entered the class. He was with a friend of his- short, chubby Ryan who played the trombone in marching band.

I used to be friends with Ryan. I was guessing he supported Delaney's side because he didn't look at me as he passed. I had expected a, 'Sorry' or something but no. Maybe I was just too self centered. Maybe Delaney deserved her romance.

Class started and I desperately wanted to turn around and look Tucker in the eyes. Was he as distraught about this breakup as I was? Probably not. I did meet the typical qualities of a bimbo: blonde, heavy set on top, long list of terrible ex-boyfriends. I had picked Tucker for change- I picked him because he was the type of guy to never leave me. But he left too.

I dutifully wrote down notes but in my head my thoughts rotated around how we had met in the first place.

I had gone off campus for some dinner with Tanya and I saw Tucker with his friends. Of course, Tanya made a little jab about "band-geeks" but my eyes had been on Tucker the entire time. When he caught me staring, he didn't look away. I smiled but then he rolled his eyes and looked away.

Greg burst into laughter. "First rejection ever?"

"Shut up," I said softly. I looked down at the table, playing with my ring. "Why did he do that?"

"Maybe he's just not that into you," Tanya suggested. "He looks like he'd probably date someone in marching band, or a girl who played Call of Duty."

I looked back up at him. He didn't even glance at me.

Finally at the end of the night, I cornered him. "Hey," I said with a smile. "You're in a couple of my classes, aren't you?"

He looked down at me with a raised eyebrow. "Probably. Why?"

"Nothing, just saying hello," I said. He obviously did not like me. I was still questioning why.

"Do you want me to do your homework or something?" he asked, his eyebrows still touching his hairline. "Cause I don't see why else you'd be so insistent on bothering me."

Ouch. "Actually," I said boldly. "I think you're attractive."

He looked shocked at first, then disbelieving. He left the restaurant afterwards, but our meeting was engraved in my heart. We eventually became friends and he was able to break down every wall that I had and show me the true meaning of being in love. We were practically inseparable for a year.

When class ended, I picked up my books and hurried out of class.

"Alex!"

I closed my eyes. Why couldn't he just let me hurt in peace? I turned around anyway. "Yeah?"

"We need to talk," he said briefly and pulled at my arm. I let him lug me from campus and towards a bench. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you-"

"It's fine," I replied, keeping my voice firm. My mother's words echoed in my head. "Do you love Delaney?"

He was silent. "I think I do."

"Then it's fine," I mumbled.

We sat in a long silence together. "Are you...mad?" He sounded unsure. Why the hell wouldn't I be?

"Well I'm not exactly jumping for joy," I said dryly. The facade was working somewhat. "But if this is what you really want, I think I'll be okay."

He shook his head before running a hand through his tawny hair. "I'm sorry. I know this isn't the best way to tell you."

"It's fine." It really wasn't. What I really wanted to do was run back home and snuggle underneath my covers. "What do you like about her?"

Tucker looked shocked at my question. Apparently, he wasn't expecting me to be so kind and normal. He probably thought I was one of those vengeful, hateful ex-girlfriends. He swallowed. "I like how she's just so down to earth-" I was down to earth, "-and she doesn't care about what anyone says. She's like a breath of fresh air."

What was I, chopped liver?

I stared at my knees. "What did you like about me?"

"I liked how you," he paused. "I liked a lot about you, Alex. Your smile, your laugh, the way you cried, how you made me hot cocoa whenever I had essays, the way you were so nice to my friends..."

That list was a lot longer than Delaney's, I wanted to point out. Instead I kept my lips firmly sealed together and give him a tiny smile. "Well, I'm glad we had this talk. But I really must be going."

He stared at his hands and I wanted to punch him. I stood up and was about to walk away when he interrupted my thoughts. "Delaney was my high school sweetheart." I stood frozen. "She transferred in this year and I guess we just connected again..." He sighed. "She moved here because of me."

Cool.

"Okay," I said. My voice shook a little and my nose flared in embarrassment. "Well, see you."

I continued to walk away.